Streaker Crash


I had all sorts of ideas for blogging today. Naturally, after getting into work and battling my way through a sea of issues and problems, going to the gym for a noon workout in which I humiliated myself as usual, and returning to work for more pirate ship briganding and boarding of problem ships, I have quite predictably forgotten almost everything I wanted to do here today. So let's see what I can manage to dig out of my now very tired brain.

funnel fail
I'm an idiot

I swear I am the clumsiest person on the face of the earth lately. Last week I spilled my beer in a way no other human being could possibly ever do without practicing. I had just walked into the place, gotten a beer, walked over to a table where my friends were, and gone to sit down. I put the beer on the table. Then I went to take off my coat and place it on the back of the booth where we were all sitting. As I moved the coat past my beer, my sleeve magically engulfed the beer, as if I had done it on purpose, and then tipped the beer as I threw the coat onto the back of the seat, turning the bottle completely upside down and filling my coat with the ice cold beer I had just bought and not even taken a sip of yet. My friends were all super impressed.

Before that, I was in another club with a friend. We were talking about something that apparently required hand gestures. As I moved my hands around I batted my own beer right off the table, spinning it through the air like a propeller. In the past 12 months I've done that one at least 3 times, usually spilling it on myself. Once I did it twice in the span of 30 minutes. And no, I was totally sober when it happened. It wouldn't be so bad if I had at least been drunk. Then I would have some sort of excuse.

spilled beer

Worse than spilling a beer was when I whacked my margarita over. It's crushed ice and tequila, you know - very cold. You'd think I were Italian with all the hand waving that I apparently do, except that I never see Italians whacking their drinks off their tables. It's just me.

cheers fail
But he's a bigger idiot than me


I would like to link as many of the VLogs that all the bloggers I tagged did, as well as the VLogs by the bloggers who comment here. More than that, I'd love to embed the videos into one big post so that we can all watch them back to back, organized by location, to get an idea of how everyone sounds. This is where I wish more of the Canadian bloggers I tagged had participated, as well as some bloggers from South Africa and parts of Europe. I may yet find time to try to do this. We'll just have to see. I hope no one minds if I'm able to do this and I include their VLog on my page. Technically I should probably obtain permission from everyone who's VLog I include, but you know how lazy I am. I probably will just post it and then ask for forgiveness if anyone should be upset and ask me to take theirs down, which I would do if asked.

chocolate frogs
Ute Sent Me Candy

I won a "caption this" contest over on Ute's blog. As a reward, Ute sent me a huge package of chocolate covered fruits, chocolate covered gummy bears, chocolate covered frogs, strawberry treats and a book about the Southern part of Australia that includes Adelaide, with all the best sights for tourists to come and see while in Australia. It cost her a fortune to send to Memphis from Australia, and was one of the nicest things anyone has done for me in a long while.

Thanks Ute - you are awesome!

stairway to heaven
Judgment Day

On the Judgment Day, when I stand before God and he asks me to account for my life, I shall tell him, "Lord, I spent my life sitting on front of various PCs staring at the hourglass icon while I waited for the slow pieces of shit to respond to my commands. As the years went by I lost track of just how much of my time it was wasting, until one day, I realized that I had grown old waiting for Microsoft Windows to do what I fucking told it to do 10 minutes before, and then I grew so angry that I had a heart attack and died."

And the Lord will look down upon me and say, "Windows really does suck the big one, that's true. But I gave you a G3 equipped cell phone with most of the capabilities of a PC and greater speed in order to help you make better use of your time."

Then I will slap my forehead and say, "Shit! I hadn't thought of that!"

Misandric Sexism

Over the past week I have noticed out on Twitter endless celebrities endorsing TwitChange and Care, which is itself promoting a giant program that helps only women obtain business loans and only girls get educations. The excuse they give for this obvious and undeniable sexism is a tired piece of propaganda written by the Feminist Machine's New York marketing office and used by more and more hijacked charities and government agencies all across America - that their 'experience' has shown that the only efforts that are worthwhile (to feminists) in assisting the poor and downtrodden are those in which they help only females. The fact that they openly hate males and only want females to have or know anything in the first place has nothing to do with it.



As these celebrities are promoting this all over Twitter, I have had plenty of opportunities to ask them directly, "why don't you educate BOTH the boys and the girls? Are there any schools for boys there at all?" They don't answer. I can say all kinds of pointless, ass-kissing, congratulatory shit to them and they quickly respond. But ask this inconvenient question and they are dead silent. Because they know that what they are doing is sexist and indefensible, but they don't care.


Hillary Clinton herself has said repeatedly in speeches over the past many years that 'if you teach a man to fish, he feeds only himself for life. But if you teach a woman to fish, she feeds the whole village.' This obviously sexist statement is not at all supported by history, where for thousands of years virtually all villages dependent upon fishing have been fed exclusively by male fishermen, without any recorded instances of female villagers starving due to male fishermen not feeding them along with everyone else.

Yet Corporate America and, of course, our corrupt and leaderless Federal Government, have embraced this latest female supremacist led assault on the male sex, the intact family and historical fact, wholeheartedly and without question. History shows this misandric approach to be a mistake. And reading the books of American and English communists written over the past many years shows this to be far more than merely a charitable attempt to empower women - it is, in fact, a cynical Machiavellian plan to disempower males in order to institute dictatorships all around the globe.

If white people proposed that blacks aren't worth educating, that they aren't worth allowing to have business loans, that experience has shown that only white people are worth expending resources on, there would be an outcry of "racism" the world over. And the program would be condemned. If modern American men, celebrities and CEOs, said that experience has shown that girls are a waste of time to educate, that women aren't worth giving business loans to because they are selfish, the United States Government and our media would go after them and destroy them. But let this new Klan put on pink robes and say this very same thing about males and our celebrities cheer and wave their torches in front of the burning cross with glee. And our Federal Government jumps onboard.

joe stalin-soros

Historically, whenever dictators feared an uprising and overthrow of their oppressive reign, they did not send soldiers to kill all the female children. No, they sent soldiers to kill all the males, because it has always been males who rise up and overthrow people like Gadhafi, Stalin, Hitler, Obama and others who oppress the nations and enslave the people. Keeping the males ignorant and unemployed while recruiting the females to help with this enslavement of the males is a very intelligent plan, but also an incredibly evil one. For anyone to embrace this and ignore the obvious sexism of it is inexcusable. That being the case, I expect it won't be long before the leaders of the Republican Party join with their Democrat sisters in fully endorsing this bigotry.

Because anyone who dares to question or, heaven forbid, criticize this female-only 'charity' will be crucified.

He dared to proclaim the equal worth of all mankind

So anyway, whatever else I had on my mind that I had wanted to blog about, I've lost it (brain damage.) I've got a tremendous load of assignments at work (everyone wants to be top priority), plus trying to minimize my humiliation in the gym (failing), plus attempting to have some sort of life in between working, working out, blogging and spilling beer all over the city (watching TV.) And what I really need is rest. I just never seem to get enough.

Speaking of beer and someone who needs to get some rest, here's a guy who needs to sleep on things before simply leaping into action:

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