Apparently I'm a bad American. I mean, aside from being classified by our cuntvernment as white, male, conservative (compared to Stalin) and heterosexual, I am even more of a bad American by virtue of the fact that I totally blew off President Obama's speech last night. I was busy watching something else. Besides, I've seen enough infomercials for one lifetime and didn't feel the need to watch another. The whistling, hissing, mouth-full-of-marbles way Obama talks drives me insane. If Biden weren't such a total retard, I'd almost rather listen to him. But as he is a retard its best that he keep his mouth shut. Hillary always sounds like she's got a bad cold, or something shoved up her ass, so basically there is no one in this Obama White House who doesn't talk in some annoying manner. As a result, I flipped over to the National Geographic network and watched 3 hours of highly informative programming about drugs and how they affect the users. I think it helped me to better understand our White House, and Washington DC in general, really. Everyone in Washington, according to the programs I saw, is on drugs.
No worries
Smoke too much high quality marijuana and you become paranoid and delusional, believing you can receive secret messages from the American people telling you to invade Libya and cut off our oil supply. You also become highly susceptible to suggestion, such that you'll do whatever the lesbian feminists you surround yourself with tell you to do, and all the while you'll think that their batshit crazy was your very own idea.
I love you, man!
Drop too much ecstasy and your eyes and jaw twitch continuously, like Rahm Emmanuel, while you dance and focus exclusively on a single task, such as preaching about global warming even when all the evidence says it's bullshit, like Al Gore. Facts don't distract you as your brain puts everything it has into dancing to your little tune. You'll dance until you drop, or become mayor of Chicago. You'll also eventually deplete your brain's supply of serotonin, making you feel horrible and nasty, such that you transform from being overly friendly to being an unpleasant person to be around.
I can fucking fly!
Too much cocaine and you deplete your brain's natural supply of dopamine while burning out the receptors for both dopamine and serotonin, so that your brain can't receive it. After too much of this, you end up fried and feeling awful and paranoid, constantly in need of something more just to bring you up to normal again. You seem like a zombie in a perpetual bad mood, like Hillary Clinton or Sonya Sotomayor. Remember Hillary's paranoid delusions of a "vast right-wing conspiracy?" Yeah, that's totally cocaine talking.
I suspect that this depletion of serotonin and dopamine probably explains Speaker of the House, John Boehner, and his perpetual inappropriate crying, too. But I'm so far at a loss to explain those pink ties. Unless its true that the gays have taken over control of the Republican Party, which is entirely possible - even probable.
So enough about that. I didn't watch the speech. There are plenty of people talking about it and I don't feel like I need to repeat what they've said. Besides, I'm a shitty writer, so chances are if I try to repeat what others have written I'll just end up highlighting how inferior my writing skills are compared with everyone else's. Is it "with," or "to?" Compared with everyone else's, or compared to? See, I have no idea.
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My weekend was crap. How was yours? Generally, I find that the way my weekend ends determines how I feel about it the following week. And since my weekend ended badly, this is how I feel about it - it sucked.
My dreams these days are alarmingly boring and mostly empty. But last night, perhaps because of the thunderstorm taking place outside my window, I dreamed that I somehow ended up in a motorcycle race. It was an odd race, with no ramps or whoop de doos or any of the normal things you'd find in a motocross race, or even an enduro race. And all the other riders, I assumed, had nice new bikes while I had my antique Honda 250 to work with. Plus, I had never ridden the course, not even once, so I was forced to jog the course beforehand to try and get a feel for what I was up against. This is where I discovered that it was laid out more like a cross country 5K than a motorcycle race. Yes, in my dream, they let me jog the race course while the races were going on, which upon waking, I realized was more than a bit odd and totally insane. And I did wake up, unfortunately, prior to my own heat ever starting. Thus, I dreamed that I was entered in a race which I jogged and researched and checked my bike thoroughly in preparation for my own run, but then never actually got to ride. Doesn't that suck? That is my real life in a nutshell - all preparation and no actual race. My life sucks.
I keep reading where President Obama is chiding the oil companies for not drilling in spots where the US Government granted them licences to drill, but no evidence of oil exists. Meanwhile, in the spots where the oil companies already discovered oil, he revoked their drilling permits and told them to stop all drilling and pumping of desperately needed oil. He's done the same thing with coal. I think Obama believes the average American to be so stupid as to not understand how energy production works in the slightest and thus, not realize that it is he and not the "greedy" oil companies who is responsible for this latest low blow to our nation's economy and the price of gas at the pumps. Jimmy Carter couldn't have done it better himself.
Wrong
As for Libya and our invasion of their country, this is the same president who declared Bush's invasion of Iraq to be criminal and promised to bring our troops home. That was a cornerstone of his campaign. Much like Clinton, though, he only meant to bring them home long enough to get more ammunition before sending them out again to invade even more countries than before.
While I'm on the subject of government interference in our nation's daily life and the resulting train wrecks it causes, the news is every day awash with stories of new outbreaks of infections which our antibiotics cannot stop. We went from fears of staph and flesh-eating bacteria to MRSA and tens of thousands of otherwise healthy Americans dying each year due to a lack of new antibiotics to treat them. American corporations used to produce more new antibiotics each year than any other nation. But that is no longer so. Guess why? Big Government, via the FDA, has steadily expanded its power and size, as governments are always doing, to the point that it is financially impossible for small, agile companies to even attempt to produce new antibiotics, and large mega-corporations are now, too, finding it so difficult and expensive, due entirely to unnecessary government obstacles, that most have stopped even trying. And so, as the FDA grows in size and budget, Americans are suffering and dying in order to pay the cost of this unneeded and counterproductive expansion of federal powers.
Government bacteria
Big Government generally only ever 'protects' the citizens from change. But the bacteria behind deadly infections are changing all the time. The world is constantly changing. To be protected from change, more often than not, is to be dead.
There is a trend here. The bigger, more powerful and more centralized government becomes, the more The People suffer, as Big Government intrudes ever-deeper into our private lives in order to justify its own bloated and inefficient existence. When there is no real need for a government agency, political players simply make shit up in order to stir enough fear that they can slip in a bill creating a new totally unneeded government bureaucracy with staff and budget and lots of power to deal with the imaginary problem. Once the agency is established, there is no getting rid of it, even after the lie is revealed and the people discover that they have been duped.
Official Government Document
Speaking of global warming and the EPA, there is a battle raging in Washington over the EPA's very likely illegal attempt to regulate Carbon Dioxide as a pollutant despite no Congressional approval and the fact that doing so will destroy what is left of our nation's battered economy. The voters made it clear in the last election that they oppose this and Congress has blocked passage of laws allowing this, so the EPA has simply issues regulations, without benefit of law, doing it anyway. This gives the EPA power over not only every company in America, but every American citizen, as we all expel carbon dioxide every time we exhale. Thus, we are all guilty of a crime and need EPA approval and permission to breathe. See how this shit works? It's all about power and control, baby.
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So, considering the earthquakes, floods, wars, revolutions, earthquakes combined with floods creating iPad shortages, all of which have happened in the first quarter of 2011 alone, I can hardly pretend to have any excitement in my life worth blogging about. Nevertheless, as this is my blog, I have a certain obligation to publish the various random stupidity that comprise the thoughts in my mind in hopes that someone somewhere might find it useful and/or entertaining. So here goes:
Libya
Why the hell are we invading Libya? Didn't all the Obama supporters demand that we "stop the war" and get out of every foreign country we were sending our military to? Didn't Joe Biden insist that he was going to make it his top priority to impeach President Bush if we invaded Iran for any reason? And now here we are, without Congressional approval, invading Libya. And no one has the slightest inkling as to why we're there at all. Maybe they have a stash of rare iPad 2s or something?
The Economy
White House representatives, that is to say, the Press, keep repeating over and over that the American economy is in full scale recovery and everything is super duper awesome thanks to Obama. Yet, much like the Republican primaries where no one could figure out who voted for McCain, no one in the real world can find any signs of this mythical 'recovery' that is supposedly happening all around us. Housing sales are the lowest they've ever recorded them as being. House prices have taken a 10-year step backwards in time, much like our 10-year-dead stock market. The death of the housing market means bad things for our economy, not just today, but for the next several years. The claims that unemployment is down are not matched by the reality currently being experienced by 1 out of every 4 American workers, especially the male workers. Obama's war on fuel has driven the cost of gas and home heating through the roof, adding fuel to the fire that is the daily misery of the unemployed, the underemployed, and the underpaid in America. Meanwhile, he claims its not his no-drilling policies, but the oil companies who are to blame because they aren't pulling oil from stones where no oil exists even as he blocks them from pulling oil from the deposits where we know oil does exist. "Hope and change", post-election, has since been shortened to "Denial."
My Life
Fuck my life. I need to sell something, take the money, and go fly to a beach somewhere all by myself to just sit and stare at the waves while I try to decide what I want to do for the remainder of my existence. It's clear that I will never have what I wanted, so perhaps its time I threw off everything and everyone associated with what I had wanted and form a new plan and a new life?
Charlie Sheen
Charlie Sheen gets high, locks a porn star prostitute in a closet, snorts a suitcase full of cocaine, shows up late for work, goes to rehab, has 5 kids with 3 hot women, owns several mansions, has a net worth of $89 million, gets fired from his show, goes bonkers all over the TV and internet, and gets rewarded with offers to do shows on 2 different networks for his trouble. My life, compared to his, can't even be called a life. I live the life of a fruit fly compared to Charlie Sheen's life. I'm dead already in the time it takes Charlie Sheen to find 2 new hot girls to move in with and later sue him for millions per month in child support and alimony, plus a house. He will probably die soon, but on his tombstone they will print the word "WINNING" in big block letters. On my tombstone they will probably misspell my name and get the dates wrong, making it appear that I died before I was born or some such stupidity. And it will be oddly appropriate.
Chickenshit Americans
Americans have been wanting to hear that the sky is falling for as long as I can remember. Bullshit tales of how the world is ending and we're all going to die seem to be the best selling load of shit on TV, in movies, in our headlines and in books and magazines all across the country. It seems that the more comfortable and wealthy Americans are, the more they want to hear that a flaming rock is going to fall from the sky and crush them dead. We have all the oil we need to power our country located within our own borders, yet we refuse to allow anyone to get it. Thus, we have a great need for nuclear power. But we are scared of it because something might happen - what, we don't even know - but just the possibility that anything at all might go wrong paralyzes our country into not using an energy source that countries like France and Russia have been using successfully for years and years. We freak out because Japan has some cracks in a nuclear plant that is old, antiquated and, oh by the way, was hit by a combination of the biggest fucking earthquake anyone can remember and a giant tidal wave that washed entire populations of cities out to sea. Yet still we expect that nothing is supposed to go wrong in any way with a nuclear plant after a disaster like that?! We have entire refineries blowing the fuck up in places like Texas, without even having earthquakes and tsunamis to blame for the disaster, and yet we don't mind this at all. A giant ball of fire is something we can see as it engulfs us and turns us into toast. So we're good with that. But nuclear power is something most Americans don't understand, so they fear it. We fear nuclear power, even though the French are man enough for it, but we don't fear placing our lives in the hands of lunatics like Gadhafy and Chavez, the idiot dictator who just declared that capitalism destroyed life on Mars. When did Americans become this stupid? Was it before or after Oprah?
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A man walks into a bar. He says, "Bartender, give me a drink." So the bartender gives him a drink. And that's the way it fucking should be. Word!
Everyone on PBS is gay. There, I said it.
I keep getting migraines in the same side of my head and I'm thinking I need the other side of my head to say "cut it the fuck out!"
Eenie meenie minie moe, catch a politically correct, sensitive, alternate lifestyle, african-american, grrl-power, bitch like its a bad thing, genderless construct by the toe.
I didn't get enough sleep last night and my dreams are funky. And by funky I mean, you don't want to know what I dreamed, but it may have involved one of you and it may have gotten messy.
Isn't it funny how when Bush was president the media compared him to a monkey, but if anyone compares Obama to a monkey they are labeled a racist? And a monkey-basher, too, 'cause he's uglier than most monkeys.
Does anyone really believe that God put men's testicles on the outside of their bodies because he had no choice? I mean, this is God we're talking about. I know they say in church that he's a loving God and all that, but I'm thinking he was really pissed off about something when he did that and he's just never gotten around to admitting he made a mistake. "Dudes, I'm sorry. I was just super angry that day and then I got busy and never got around to fixing that whole 'balls' thing."
If evolution and survival of the fittest were true, is it even conceivable that mammals would have survived at all? Again, I'm talking about the whole testicles on the outside of the body thing, 'cause no way in hell that is going to make it through any 'survival of the fittest' bullshit. Not a chance. Mammals should be extinct.
I get more timely news updates from Twitter than I do from any other source. Sad? Or the wave of the future?
I used to get annoyed at how freely people from other countries would try to tell Americans how we should be running this country (internet geniuses), but then I remembered that billionaires in New York City have been fucking with other countries, their elections and their laws, for years and years. And then I remember that I don't actually have any real say in how this country is run (McCain vs Obama? Seriously? We couldn't find better candidates?) so it doesn't make any difference to me if foreigners think we're idiots (Sarkozy and Merkel) because the real idiots making all the important decisions (George Soros) are fucking with us all, every single one of us, at the same time. We should probably find those people and do horrible unspeakable things to them.
Is MySpace the new mullet? I mean, any time you see some loser walking around wearing a mullet you immediately laugh and feel the urge to tell them the '80s are over. But isn't that the same reaction we have towards people who tell us that we can find them on MySpace and then give us their account name there? Dude, MySpace is over.
I remember seeing a show about how the Japanese had the world's most advanced earthquake resistant buildings. The show was all about how it worked and how cool it was. So now what can we do to make a building earthquake resistant and then ready to withstand a massive tidal wave that floods the entire city right after the quake? It's almost as if the buildings need to sit on top of giant exercise balls and be able to float, while still remaining upright. Maybe we just need to build a big space ship that perpetually hovers above the ground? But then hurricanes and tornadoes would crash them. Remember when I said I thought God was pissed off when he put testicles on the outside of men's bodies? I'm thinking he had this really epic bad day one time and was just so mad that he made all the bad shit at the same time - balls on the outside of our bodies, natural disasters, plagues, mosquitoes, reality TV - and then after that he was just like, "well, I'm not taking it back even if I'm not so angry anymore because Adam disobeyed me and let Eve lead him around by his dick when I specifically told him not to. Fuck it. They can just deal with it." OK, probably he didn't say that, but maybe it was something along those lines.
I recently had penis enlargement surgery. Now its three times bigger, but its shaped like a pretzel. Dammit!
I'm not ashamed of my antique rotary kitchen wall telephone. Sure its a pain dialing long distance, but my battery never runs low, bitches.
I just heard that Microsoft is killing the Zune. And video killed the radio star. Whatever happened to The Buggles?
I got a tank of gas today. It cost me $82. I am not feeling the "hope and change" at all. Just sayin'
Did you know the entire cast of "2 1/2 Men" (except Jake) was in the movie "Hot Shots?"
If Bill Gates controlled Heaven we'd all spend eternity staring at an hourglass.
Free advice from me to you: don't text when you have pee on your hands. You're welcome!
I'm not going to the gym today. I'm going home to sleep for lunch. I'm exhausted. I used to be able to go and go and even if I didn't have enough sleep, which I never did, I could keep going. Not anymore. Now I'm like, "something woke me up at 3 and then I took 30 minutes to go back to sleep. I need those 30 minutes back. I can't function for shit today."
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I have to transfer a car title. That means that at least one weekday I will have to be in Memphis so that I can go to the DMV and get a new title and tag. As long as I'm going to have to do this, I'm thinking of applying for a personalized tag that says "FML" - I wonder if they'll give it to me? You have to list 3 options in case your first choice isn't available. I'm thinking of listing the following - 1) FML 2) OMG FML 3) WTF FML
Monday I was in my pump class, sweating like a pig, huffing like an ashmatic rhinosaurus, and clogged with snot by my stupid allergies, while all around me hot women were huffing and puffing, too, but oddly never sweating. My sinuses were clogged to the point of being useless, which meant that I had to stop and put my weights down so I could blow my nose. I hate blowing my nose in class. People always look at me like I'm the Elephant Man. But if I don't do it then I can't breathe, so I have no choice. But this being me, of course, it all went horribly wrong.
I blew my nose as quickly and quietly as I could, wiping the disgustingness off my face and stuffing the handkerchief back into the pocket of my workout shorts - yes, I have to wear shorts with pockets, which makes me look freaky. I thought I had done a pretty good job of it, all things considered. But then I thought I heard the sound of a group of females going "eeeewwwwwww." It may have been imagined or it may have been real, I don't know, but I quickly wiped my face with my hand to make sure nothing disgusting was hanging out of my nose or anything. My face was clean. Then I looked down at my shirt. There was a big nasty booger on my chest that had somehow exploded past the handkerchief and escaped. I was a walking, sweating, panting, pumping, nasty human booger. Awesome. FML
Tuesday, as I was driving to lunch, I noticed a police car in a side parking lot driving like a maniac through the lot and heading towards the road with his blue lights flashing. I was in a group of cars all going the same speed. None of us were doing anything unusual, smoking pot, shooting at each other, surfing on the hoods of our vehicles, or driving naked. The cop skidded out onto the road and came up behind me. I pulled over, nearly running up a curb in the process, and he pulled in behind me. WTF?
He got out and came up to my window, demanding to see not only my license, but also my proof of insurance and registration, which no veteran cop ever does anymore, so I knew he was a rookie. I had to dig through piles of papers in my truck to find all that crap because NO ONE EVER ASKS FOR IT. He took my license and insurance card and told me if I find my registration to bring it back to his car. Great, if he were just going to yell at me he wouldn't be taking my license to his car to sit down.
I dug out every receipt I had received in the last 2 years, every old, expired insurance card, and 3 years worth of old registration documents before I found this year's. I took it to him. He said I was doing 55 in a 40 zone. I said, "no, I wasn't." He just looked at me. I went back to my truck. I'm old enough to know what a waste of time it is to argue with a cop about much of anything. Tell it to the judge isn't just something TV cops enjoy saying because it sounds coplike. It's just how it is.
He came to my window and handed me a ticket. He said if I wanted to do traffic school I'd have to appear in court and ask the judge. Oh really? And pay the court costs, too, right? I see how this works. I took the ticket and watched him drive away. Then I read the ticket. According to him, I am 5'6" and weigh 160 lbs. I was also born in december of 1959 and my social security number is 518-86-7048. The fuck? Whose ticket is this?!
So I'm thinking he pulled someone else over and started to write them a ticket, but something persuaded him to stop mid-ticket and let them go, at which point he needed someone else to slap it on since every ticket has to be accounted for. And he chose me. 5'6" sounds like a girl. So maybe he pulled over an ex-girlfriend or a hooker and she gave him a blowjob to get out of it? But wait, 5'6" and 160 lbs - I think not. Not unless he was desperate for that blowjob. Maybe he pulled over his own mother? He pulled over his own mother and started to write her up. But she threatened to kick him out of the house if he did, so he stopped and let her go. Yeah, that sounds about right. And then he gave her ticket to me because SOMEONE has to pay this thing. FML
My post from the other day was totally fucked up, and it's all my fault. I've done "Wordless Wednesday" before and I know how it works. You post a photo and no words. Well, I had meant to crop out all the words from that photo and simply post the wordless picture, as you are supposed to do. But I've been stressed and busy. I forgot. I posted a wordy photo for Wordless Wednesday, which is just unbelievably stupid. FML
Tuesday after work, as I was pulling out of the parking lot in the pouring rain, the DJ on the radio was giving a traffic report. The DJ was informing us that we were under a flood warning, which I could clearly see for myself as everything around me was underwater. The DJ then said that a cop was stuck in the median on the very same road where I had gotten my ticket earlier that day. Witnesses had called to say that his blue lights were flashing and he was spinning his tires in the mud, sinking deeper and deeper. I wondered, could it be the same cop who gave me a ticket meant for his own mother earlier that day? As I drove past, I looked and saw him. Indeed it was the same cop, and he was in a ditch filling with water, looking rather angry at his predicament, and as stuck as he could be. I imagined I could hear him saying, as I drove out of sight, "FML"
Speaking of fucked lives:
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I had all sorts of ideas for blogging today. Naturally, after getting into work and battling my way through a sea of issues and problems, going to the gym for a noon workout in which I humiliated myself as usual, and returning to work for more pirate ship briganding and boarding of problem ships, I have quite predictably forgotten almost everything I wanted to do here today. So let's see what I can manage to dig out of my now very tired brain.
I'm an idiot
I swear I am the clumsiest person on the face of the earth lately. Last week I spilled my beer in a way no other human being could possibly ever do without practicing. I had just walked into the place, gotten a beer, walked over to a table where my friends were, and gone to sit down. I put the beer on the table. Then I went to take off my coat and place it on the back of the booth where we were all sitting. As I moved the coat past my beer, my sleeve magically engulfed the beer, as if I had done it on purpose, and then tipped the beer as I threw the coat onto the back of the seat, turning the bottle completely upside down and filling my coat with the ice cold beer I had just bought and not even taken a sip of yet. My friends were all super impressed.
Before that, I was in another club with a friend. We were talking about something that apparently required hand gestures. As I moved my hands around I batted my own beer right off the table, spinning it through the air like a propeller. In the past 12 months I've done that one at least 3 times, usually spilling it on myself. Once I did it twice in the span of 30 minutes. And no, I was totally sober when it happened. It wouldn't be so bad if I had at least been drunk. Then I would have some sort of excuse.
Worse than spilling a beer was when I whacked my margarita over. It's crushed ice and tequila, you know - very cold. You'd think I were Italian with all the hand waving that I apparently do, except that I never see Italians whacking their drinks off their tables. It's just me.
But he's a bigger idiot than me
VLog
I would like to link as many of the VLogs that all the bloggers I tagged did, as well as the VLogs by the bloggers who comment here. More than that, I'd love to embed the videos into one big post so that we can all watch them back to back, organized by location, to get an idea of how everyone sounds. This is where I wish more of the Canadian bloggers I tagged had participated, as well as some bloggers from South Africa and parts of Europe. I may yet find time to try to do this. We'll just have to see. I hope no one minds if I'm able to do this and I include their VLog on my page. Technically I should probably obtain permission from everyone who's VLog I include, but you know how lazy I am. I probably will just post it and then ask for forgiveness if anyone should be upset and ask me to take theirs down, which I would do if asked.
Ute Sent Me Candy
I won a "caption this" contest over on Ute's blog. As a reward, Ute sent me a huge package of chocolate covered fruits, chocolate covered gummy bears, chocolate covered frogs, strawberry treats and a book about the Southern part of Australia that includes Adelaide, with all the best sights for tourists to come and see while in Australia. It cost her a fortune to send to Memphis from Australia, and was one of the nicest things anyone has done for me in a long while.
Thanks Ute - you are awesome!
Judgment Day
On the Judgment Day, when I stand before God and he asks me to account for my life, I shall tell him, "Lord, I spent my life sitting on front of various PCs staring at the hourglass icon while I waited for the slow pieces of shit to respond to my commands. As the years went by I lost track of just how much of my time it was wasting, until one day, I realized that I had grown old waiting for Microsoft Windows to do what I fucking told it to do 10 minutes before, and then I grew so angry that I had a heart attack and died."
And the Lord will look down upon me and say, "Windows really does suck the big one, that's true. But I gave you a G3 equipped cell phone with most of the capabilities of a PC and greater speed in order to help you make better use of your time."
Then I will slap my forehead and say, "Shit! I hadn't thought of that!"
Misandric Sexism
Over the past week I have noticed out on Twitter endless celebrities endorsing TwitChange and Care, which is itself promoting a giant program that helps only women obtain business loans and only girls get educations. The excuse they give for this obvious and undeniable sexism is a tired piece of propaganda written by the Feminist Machine's New York marketing office and used by more and more hijacked charities and government agencies all across America - that their 'experience' has shown that the only efforts that are worthwhile (to feminists) in assisting the poor and downtrodden are those in which they help only females. The fact that they openly hate males and only want females to have or know anything in the first place has nothing to do with it.
Right.
As these celebrities are promoting this all over Twitter, I have had plenty of opportunities to ask them directly, "why don't you educate BOTH the boys and the girls? Are there any schools for boys there at all?" They don't answer. I can say all kinds of pointless, ass-kissing, congratulatory shit to them and they quickly respond. But ask this inconvenient question and they are dead silent. Because they know that what they are doing is sexist and indefensible, but they don't care.
Hillary Clinton herself has said repeatedly in speeches over the past many years that 'if you teach a man to fish, he feeds only himself for life. But if you teach a woman to fish, she feeds the whole village.' This obviously sexist statement is not at all supported by history, where for thousands of years virtually all villages dependent upon fishing have been fed exclusively by male fishermen, without any recorded instances of female villagers starving due to male fishermen not feeding them along with everyone else.
Yet Corporate America and, of course, our corrupt and leaderless Federal Government, have embraced this latest female supremacist led assault on the male sex, the intact family and historical fact, wholeheartedly and without question. History shows this misandric approach to be a mistake. And reading the books of American and English communists written over the past many years shows this to be far more than merely a charitable attempt to empower women - it is, in fact, a cynical Machiavellian plan to disempower males in order to institute dictatorships all around the globe.
If white people proposed that blacks aren't worth educating, that they aren't worth allowing to have business loans, that experience has shown that only white people are worth expending resources on, there would be an outcry of "racism" the world over. And the program would be condemned. If modern American men, celebrities and CEOs, said that experience has shown that girls are a waste of time to educate, that women aren't worth giving business loans to because they are selfish, the United States Government and our media would go after them and destroy them. But let this new Klan put on pink robes and say this very same thing about males and our celebrities cheer and wave their torches in front of the burning cross with glee. And our Federal Government jumps onboard.
Historically, whenever dictators feared an uprising and overthrow of their oppressive reign, they did not send soldiers to kill all the female children. No, they sent soldiers to kill all the males, because it has always been males who rise up and overthrow people like Gadhafi, Stalin, Hitler, Obama and others who oppress the nations and enslave the people. Keeping the males ignorant and unemployed while recruiting the females to help with this enslavement of the males is a very intelligent plan, but also an incredibly evil one. For anyone to embrace this and ignore the obvious sexism of it is inexcusable. That being the case, I expect it won't be long before the leaders of the Republican Party join with their Democrat sisters in fully endorsing this bigotry.
Because anyone who dares to question or, heaven forbid, criticize this female-only 'charity' will be crucified.
He dared to proclaim the equal worth of all mankind
So anyway, whatever else I had on my mind that I had wanted to blog about, I've lost it (brain damage.) I've got a tremendous load of assignments at work (everyone wants to be top priority), plus trying to minimize my humiliation in the gym (failing), plus attempting to have some sort of life in between working, working out, blogging and spilling beer all over the city (watching TV.) And what I really need is rest. I just never seem to get enough.
Speaking of beer and someone who needs to get some rest, here's a guy who needs to sleep on things before simply leaping into action:
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A. Age: Old enough to know crazy when I see it and steer clear. Winning! Tiger blood!
B. Bed size: Big enough for me and one other, but no damn animals
C. Chore you Hate: Replacing the rear brakes on an old car with drums Fixing the toilet Chasing moles and voles around the yard Shooting the armadillos Fixing the roof and so many more
D. Dogs: Some days I'm the dog, some I'm the master, and sometimes I'm just picking up dog's poop while walking in the park using those little plastic baggy things. It's hard to get too high on yourself while picking up dog poop. And I can only just imagine what the dog is thinking. "WTF? I left that there on purpose. Now how are other dogs going to get my secret poo-encoded message? I guess I'll have to bark the message all night tonight while he's asleep and hope the other dogs can hear me."
E. Essential start to your day: I can't remember mornings, let alone do them. I randomly awake at my desk, working, or on weekends, on the couch in front of the TV watching "Top Gear"
F. Favorite color: White girls
G. Gold or silver: Am I buying or selling? I prefer gold, but at nearly $1500 an ounce I haven't been indulging this habit much lately.
H. Height: 6 feet on the dot. I don't know what that is in centimeters and I don't give a damn. You can Google a converter if you're curious, but I'm too lazy to do it.
I. Instruments you play: My penis. I used to play piano, barely. And then guitar. Then I put my guitar down, along with my artist's pencils, and didn't pick it up again for many years. Now I have a brand new Fender acoustic and I'm trying to relearn all the things I've long since forgotten.
J. Job title: Doucheblogger
K. Kids: No, I don't want any goats. We live in a neighborhood and the neighbors would frown on that.
L. Live: I prefer recorded in a studio to live. Most live albums aren't very good. And you notice how many people bitched about the live performance of the Black Eyed Peas at the Superbowl this year? They bitched about the live performance of the Rolling Stones last year, too. But they also bitched when performers were caught lip syncing to prerecordings at previous Superbowls, so its like, what the hell do you people want, live and real or prerecorded and perfect? You can't have both!
M. Mum's name: I call her Ma. I'm sure her Ma named her something else, but I don't use that name
N. Nicknames: Cunt Douchebag Asshole Stalker Psycho-Steve Memphis Hey you, you have to pay for that!
O. Overnight hospital stays: I can't remember. I've had surgeries on my knees, but I don't recall if I stayed overnight or not. I've been in the hospital with various injuries and such, but I never remember much by the time I get home. God bless morphine!
P. Pet peeve: Blocking the passing lane without passing anyone. If you don't feel like actually driving, get over or get out and let someone else drive, bitch.
Q. Quote from a movie: "Timmy, have you ever seen a grown man naked?" "Oh, for goodness' sakes, get down off that crucifix. Someone needs the wood." "These go to 11." "There's no crying in baseball!" "There are two types of people in this world: those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't." "It's not the years, honey. It's the mileage." "Son, you got a panty on your head." "You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy?' We could be that mistake!"
R. Righty or Lefty: All Righty then
S. Siblings: Yes, I have those.
T. Time you wake up: 2, 4, 6 and sometime after 6 when I eventually crawl out of bed and begin getting ready for my awesome job.
U. Underwear: Pretty much always, except when I'm naked.
V. Vegetables you dislike: Vice President Joe Biden Janet Napolitano Hillary Oprah Tommy Smothers Al "Chicken Little" Gore Michael Moore Katie Couric Adam Sandler Cabbage
W. What makes you run late: When I can't find time to run in the daytime
Y. Yummy food you make: I can serve up a mean bowl of ice cream from a carton
Z. Zoo animal favorite: Tigerblood! Winning!
Play too if you want!
I'm on a drug called Charlie Sheen
Otherwise, play this awesome prerecorded studio song:
You have read this article meme
with the title March 2011. You can bookmark this page URL http://thebohemianbunny.blogspot.com/2011/03/abc.html. Thanks!
