The Month in Review

Rahm Emanuel
Grand Master Rahm is in da house!

So White House hitman Rahm Emanuel has decided to be mayor of Chicago. He has informed the current mayor of Chicago, who has quietly decided to retire rather than have his political legs broken Rod Blagojevich style, and all his money taken by the Injustice Department with the help of some illegally obtained FBI/Hillary Clinton-provided Filegate-assisted charges, which is what happens when you cross the Chicago-style Gangsta White House if someone in it decides they want to be mayor of your city. Some people might think that you can't just choose to become mayor of Chicago, but that's ridiculously naive. Dead people vote in Chicago in every election. People who don't even live in Chicago vote in Chicago elections. Illegal aliens vote in Chicago elections. Some people vote 100s of times in Chicago elections. It has been this way for a very long time. It's just like Memphis in that regard. This is why no one in Memphis has been surprised at the gangland style leadership of the Obama White House. If Rahm wants to be mayor of Chicago, the election is already a foregone and well paid-for conclusion. Rahm is going to be mayor of Chicago. End of story.

Not French

The French don't like working out in gyms, according to the frustrated French Government. They prefer smoking cigarettes, drinking wine, and having sex outside in the grass, every chance they get. Apparently this isn't good for them and the forces of fitness want it stopped. They want more Frenchmen going to gyms and sweating over iron weights and wobbly treadmills while listening to iPods and watching TV. The French people, ever stubborn and libertarian, simply refuse. Meanwhile, French citizens have complained about media photographs of French President Sarkozy outside jogging. They feel that this isn't very French of him and prefer to see him wearing a nice Italian suit and standing beside his lovely supermodel wife. It's just not very French to sweat, unless you're sweating because you're having good sex.

If Obama speaks in a forest and no one is there to hear ...

Obama is trying to dismiss all the new Republican candidates rising up from seemingly out of nowhere courtesy of the Tea Party movement, but the fact is, almost no one is listening to his empty Marxist rhetoric anymore.

I'm on a hot streak!

A neato kean new Las Vegas hotel has been built with a dramatic arc to its shape, making it look futuristic and fancy. Unfortunately, being out in the bright sun-soaked desert, that fancy arc acts like a magnifying glass lens, catching the sun's rays and focusing them downward onto the swimming pool area. It has fried vinyl chairs, plastic bags, and a few guests. They're calling it a 'death ray' and so far designers are unsure how to fix the problem.


Several drug traffickers were shot this week in Mexico. Same as last week. And the week before that. And the week before that.

Lindsay Lohan
Disney Princess

Lindsay Lohan was sent to jail ... and is out again already. And then back in again.

Flushing tax dollars away

The Democrat-controlled U.S. Congress, apparently feeling convinced that there was nothing important for them to do, hired liberal comedian Steven Colbert to come do his routine for them as a sort of fake testimony before Congress. Taxpayers aren't laughing.

Bethany Storro

A woman in Washington state threw acid into her own face, then went to the hospital for treatment and claimed 'some black people did it.' People nationwide felt sorry for her and sent her money for medical treatment. When the hoax was exposed she was charged with fraud and sent by the judge to live in a mental health facility. Meanwhile, 'some black people' were not amused.

Harry Reid
Harry Reid's charisma

Independent voters are overwhelmingly swinging the Republicans' way prior to the upcoming November election. The reasons most often given for this shift are: A) Barak Obama B) Nancy Pelosi and C) Harry Reid. The overwhelmingly left-leaning news and entertainment media have been trying desperately to help Democrats recover from their own unpopular policies, but so far all they've succeeded in doing is to damage their own already teetering reputations.

pilot whales
No more speeches!

Over 80 pilot whales beached themselves in New Zealand following the one millionth speech by U.S. President Barack Obama. Rescuers attempting to save the beached whales reported that the whales indicated the were attempting to get as far away from Obama and his annoying speeches as they possibly could. In their haste, they accidentally crashed into New Zealand. President Obama, responding to the whale criticisms, blamed former President Bush for the whale beachings, indicating that he felt convinced the whales were simply confused and really meant to say it was the policies of George Bush they were trying to escape from. The whales did not get a chance to rebut him, as they all died shortly after Rahm Emanuel arrived on the scene to help with the rescue efforts for the talkative whales.


Former US President Jimmy Carter is spending a second night in an Ohio hospital following what some worry is a delusional episode. At some point while returning to the US, former President Carter began talking non-stop about his legacy, insisting that he was the greatest President in history and that his "malaise speech" wasn't a huge disaster for both himself and the entire Democratic Party. The more he babbled about how great he was, the more people around him began to worry, as they all knew what a huge disaster he was as President and thus his statements could only come from the mind of a lunatic. Therefor, he was rushed to a hospital where he is currently being kept under close observation in case he tries to climb a bell tower with a rifle and begin shooting at random University of Texas students. Doctors aren't saying much except that they are concerned he may have suffered a stroke. "A stroke or heavy drug abuse are the main possibilities for such dramatic delusions," an Ohio doctor said, indicating her desire to remain anonymous out of fear of being targeted by the DoJ for saying anything potentially critical of the disastrous former President.

Bill Clinton
Who loves ya, baby?

Despite President Barack Obama's claims that neither he nor his Marxist policies are unpopular with the American People, Democratic candidates fighting desperately for their political lives in the upcoming elections are asking that he not come and 'help' them campaign. Instead, many, such as infamous Fanny Mae/Freddie Mac crook Barney Frank, have asked former President Bill Clinton to come and help save his ass from political defeat and voter retribution in place of current President Obama. Apparently Obama's popularity isn't just falling with conservatives. His own political party is beginning to run from him like a pack of wild dogs from a skunk.

Che Obama poster

President Obama and Vice President Joe "my sister beats me" Biden have adopted a new "Slam the Democratic Voters" strategy in an effort to 'motivate' their voter base into getting out there and cheering for socialism. The "you suck" strategy is reminiscent of the infamous Jimmy Carter "malaise" speech and is expected to work about as well. Other Democratic party leaders are following suit, beating up on their own supporters in a caring display of their empathetic (some say narcissistic) nature.

Eric Holder
Grand Dragon Eric Holder

A steadily building scandal is biting the US Department of Justice in the ass just in time for Congressional elections. It seems that our "post racial" President and his hand-picked DoJ overlords, including and especially Attorney General Eric Holder, have let it be known throughout the DOJ that no cases of civil rights violations by blacks against whites are permitted to be prosecuted. In other words, if the black KKK machine guns white voters Zimbabwe-style, that is A-OK with President Obama and his DOJ. Nothing is to be done about it. And thus far, all cases of this very type of thing have been obstructed and squashed by Eric Holder and his DOJ to the point that DOJ attorneys are quitting their cushy government jobs and talking to the Press about DOJ representatives lying to Congress (Marion Jones went to jail for doing that) about these racism cases and not being prosecuted or fired.

Getting bigger every day

The only sector of the U.S. economy in which jobs are growing and pay is increasing is .... government. Unfortunately, because government doesn't actually produce anything except red tape and resistance to growth and prosperity, this means the United States is growing weaker and poorer overall. The only city in the United States in which citizens average income has increased is ... Washington, DC.

Cathy Lanier
Chief Cathy says "Aack!"

A funeral of a murder victim in Washington, DC, was 'livened up' a bit by a drive-by shooting that killed a person in the funeral procession and wounded another. The shooters, being rocket scientists, then sped down the road only a short distance before slamming into another car and flipping their getaway vehicle. The affirmative-action Washington D.C. police chief, Cathy Lanier, showing that she, too, is a genius, indicated that she doesn't yet know the cause of death of the person killed by the drive-by shooting. Then, just to increase the laughter, she stated that the shooting "may" have been gang-related.

Charlie Rangel
Lowlifes and dirtbags

Establishment politicians in both major US political parties, fighting for their political lives, have predictably resorted to the dirtiest of dirty campaigns, digging up anything and everything on surging Tea Party candidates, even bringing out traffic tickets and bad grades in school as evidence that the 'outsiders' are unfit for public office. Most voters, though, have so far indicated that they are unswayed by all this ugliness. "It simply confirms what we already knew," a Memphis blogger stated, "that the establishment politicians of both parties need to be thrown out because they're all lowlifes and dirtbags."

Come on and take a free ride

Socialists in Europe are rioting in protest of the possibility that their governments will roll back the disastrous economy-destroying entitlements of socialism in an attempt to reduce their nation's crushing debt and save their economies from collapse. The socialists blame "reckless bankers" for the realities of economic collapse, echoing the words of Lenin and Castro from long ago. Ironically, even as they protest the entitlement rollbacks, they simultaneously complain about high taxes and high unemployment, both the unavoidable products of socialist entitlement spinning out of control. Police responded to protests with tear gas and riot control tactics. Meanwhile, in an almost ironic twist, the once-free and prosperous United States is diving headlong into government and entitlement expansion of a level never seen before in the history of America, apparently in complete denial of the events occurring at this very moment all across the European Union.

And now for a few words from Professor Thomas Sowell:

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