Loonies On the Path - L - Black BMW


Dear black man in the black BMW 7-series with the black tinted windows,

I enjoyed having you ride my ass all the way up the on-ramp during the 15 seconds or so that it took for all of us to make the big, arcing loop up onto the interstate. I know this sounds odd, but just the way you were trying to threaten me, as if you were going to actually ram my back bumper with your $80,000 leased German status symbol, made me laugh. I couldn't help it. It was such a ridiculous threat that I couldn't stop myself from busting out laughing right in front of you.

Apparently this wasn't the reaction that you were hoping for. It seemed to make you mad. And so, then, you funny man, you actually tried to pass all of us on the right at the first opportunity, which was a temporary lane that ends at a concrete barrier not 50 yards further down. You were so mad that you refused to take your foot off the gas even for a second. I watched as you flew past me, then the old man in the pickup ahead of me, then the girl on the motorcycle ahead of him, and finally past whomever was in front of the girl. You almost took your whole front end off as you swerved at the last possible second to avoid death by concrete, cutting off some poor soul as you forced your way in front of them and skidded over 2 lanes, all without signaling of course, and took off in a rage down the interstate.

What were you so mad about? And what the hell did you expect me to do for you? Did you think I was going to ram the old man in the pickup just because some fool in an $80,000 car was pretending he might hit me from behind if I didn't? I didn't care. If you had actually hit me from behind I would have laughed my ass off at what an idiot you are, you now with your nose broken from your air-bag hitting you in the face and the whole front of your car smashed in with crumple zones and shit. I suppose you thought that if you could push on me, then I'd push on the pickup, and then he'd ... what ... run over the girl on the motorcycle and we'd all just roll her body under our wheels and tear off down the road feeling fully justified in having killed her because, BY GOD, you needed to get to work right now, right?

So, did you get to where you were trying to go? You nearly totalled that car you don't own, along with yourself. But on the plus side, you did give me a big laugh. And I thank you for that. You're funny. Stupid, but funny.

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