It's Thursday

It's Thursday. And thank God I'm here to tell you all what day it is all week long, right? I mean, what would you do without me? Stating the obvious: it's a service I offer.

I think my personal trainer is trying to see if he can grind my shoulders down until there's nothing left. I mean, OK, I try to gut it out when he asks me how my shoulders are doing. I admit that maybe one of them is hurting, but hell, it's always hurting, so I just say 'to hell with it' and keep working out. Honestly, if I stopped working out when something was fucked up on my body, I would never have been able to run track or play soccer or do pretty much anything that I like. I even have injuries that relate to having sex. I shit you not. But do you think I'm going to let that stop me from having more sex? Oh hell no!

Anyway, lately my shoulder is just screaming. It says to me, "you better stop with the gazillion reps and find something else to work on or I'm going to send you back to your best friend, Mr Orthopedic Surgeon, for a new surgery." Yep, my shoulder can't remember my surgeon's name, so he just calls him "Mr. Orthopedic Surgeon." My knee, on the other hand, remembers his name perfectly. But that's another story, and it isn't particularly entertaining or anything so let's skip it.

I guess tomorrow when I'm at the gym I may have to ask my trainer to focus on legs. It's really a problem now that I have this bruise inside the ball of my foot, because it prevents me from going running. Meanwhile, the heavy leg presses and sprinting up the stairs seems to be bothering my knee. No, not the one that Mr. Orthopedic Surgeon knows so intimately. The other one. Yeah, I've had a LOT of injuries over the span of my lifetime, so this comes as no surprise to me.

There have been times when I become convinced that God made me out of plastic parts while everyone else was made of higher quality metal parts, sort of like the difference between a John Deere or Cub Cadet lawn tractor you buy at Home Depot versus one you buy from an actual authorized dealer.

So anyway, there is a very real shortage of hot girls at my gym and I think it's causing me to get hurt as a result. My body is just not feeling inspired. My brain is fully aware of how badly I need to work out, but my body is looking around and saying "what the hell, dude, there is nothing here worth going through this much pain over."

There was a study recently in which it was discovered that men actually benefit health-wise from being around hot girls. It is particularly relevant in the gym, because when men are around really hot girls and checking them out, it causes the men to produce more testosterone. Testosterone is what makes men healthy and happy. The lack of it makes us irritable and mean.

Women produce testosterone, too, just at lower levels than men do. And men's brains convert testosterone to estrogen as needed for things like verbalization and such. I realize it's considered politically incorrect to say that high levels of estrogen give women an advantage at things like writing and speaking skills, while testosterone seems to give men an edge in things like math and science and cage fighting, but listen here, God doesn't give a flying fart whether his designs are politically correct or not. He built us the way we are for a reason and our refusal to use what he's given us to the fullest instead of bitching and arguing that it's sexist to point out that men and women are different is just pure stupidity and sin.

Sin, by the way, causes death, which brings us back to testosterone and hot girls at the gym and men feeling very much alive. See, if you cut off a guy's balls and don't give him some sort of testosterone supplements, you've basically killed him. He has other, much smaller sources of testosterone, but the main source being gone is a huge problem affecting both his body and his brain. As I said, men's brains convert testosterone into estrogen as needed for speech and communication and such. Some scientists theorize that autism is simply a case of extreme maleness because much of the advantages women have are so often missing in autistic children, while the masculine traits are often intact. I don't know if there is any truth to this. It's just something I read.

Either way, when men are in the gym working out and checking out the hot babes who are also in the gym with them, all sweaty and glistening and striking oddly pornographic poses, it causes men's bodies to produce a lot more testosterone.

Did you know that every time a guy gets a boner his body is jacking up the testosterone in his bloodstream at the same time? Boners are actually good for us, like vitamins, which should be taken orally every day.

So anyway, men who work out need to find every way possible to increase their testosterone levels. It's what makes muscles grow and heal rapidly. It's why athletes who want to gain an edge, male and female alike, will inject anabolic steroids, essentially pure testosterone, into their veins while looking at naked photos of Victoria's Secret supermodel Marisa Miller. It makes you strong.

Sure, you can get too much of a good thing. You can overdose on estrogen, too. Just look at Joe Biden to see what too much estrogen does to a person. He's a giant cuntbag. Look at Rosie O'Donnell, she's batshit crazy. Look at feminism in general. It's estrogen poisoning turned into a massive religion of death and destruction and shrill screaming about a mythical "war on women" by the very same crazy people who are actively engaging in a war on men. Similarly, too much testosterone makes people ugly. It can produce a level of crazy virtually identical to feminism, except that instead of inspiring men to kill babies and their spouses and try to castrate every men alive, it inspires them to try to fight everyone they meet until someone shoots them or puts them into prison or in some sort of steel octagon.

But overall, testosterone is a good thing. It makes both men and women feel good. It makes us feel alive. And it makes us horny and happy.

That's probably why the U.S. Government has outlawed virtually anything and everything that increases testosterone in the body, because it makes men happy.

Anyway, the point I was trying to make is that I think I'm going to look into switching gyms. There's a gym much closer to my work that I need to check out. It's a local university gym. It's huge. I was in their athletic program on a scholarship when I went to school there and supposedly I have a lifetime free membership as a result. Of course, last time I asked about that no one seemed to know what I was talking about, so that may mean very little. The bottom line, though, is that the gym is filled with beautiful college girls who, even while ignoring me, will cause my body to produce higher levels of testosterone and thus heal faster. I really need to heal faster. Of course, that'll mean finding a new trainer, but in the long run I think it might be a good move. Maybe I'll find a new trainer who is a hot girl, too, and just working out with her will make me feel better and heal faster? Hey, you never know.

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