Loonies On the Path - XLVII - We're Having A Heat Wave

It's fucking hot here in the tropical Southern States of America. We usually don't have our real heat wave until July and August, but this year we're starting early. We're already dealing with a heat index of around 105. And not surprisingly, this is having an effect on jackasses in traffic.

The most common effect here in the Passive Aggressive Capital of the United States, is to cause drivers to suddenly swerve in front of faster drivers and then, for no reason at all, hit their brakes. It's called the "I want to fucking kill you for no reason other than that I'm a cunt" manuever and it is very effective at raising the blood pressure of the victims in the target vehicle.

I'm a cunt, but my car is very clean and shiny

Just today I had a total pussy in a dark blue (very conservative) Toyota luxury car cut over 3 lanes to hit his brakes in front of me, not once, but 3 times in a row, as he looked at me in his rearview mirror. I gestured to him with a "what the fuck" throwing up of the hands and then he changed lanes once again, always without signaling, and got into the actual lane he was aiming for so that he could turn. I briefly considered following him into the parking lot and pinning his car in somewhere, but I needed to get to the gym.

Not finding the person I was looking for at the gym, I left and headed home. As I approached an intersection where I needed to get into the left-hand turn lane to turn left, a redneck in a beat-up filthy old Jeep wagoneer, seeing me coming up behind him, about to go past him on the left into the turn lane, hit his brakes in an obvious attempt to cause me to hit him from behind for no reason other than, say it with me, he's a cunt.

Luv my Jeep, Yeeee HA!

I briefly glanced at his rear bumper and concluded that he wouldn't really notice the damage from a good ramming considering how torn up it already was (clearly he does this shit a lot) before I wedged myself perfectly between him and the shoulder as I slipped past him without missing a beat. A major victory for me!

As I sat in the intersection waiting to cross and go my way, I heard him honking at me. I looked in my rearview mirror to see that he was a filthy redneck with all his windows down. He slipped his Jeep into neutral there in the passing lane as he was barely crawling down the highway, and he revved his engine at me.


It sounded like someone was revving their lawn mower. It was a huge piece of shit.

I turned to see if I could possibly be seeing and hearing what I thought I was, only to see him waving his arm out the window at me. I couldn't tell if he was flicking me off or just waving as if to say "you beat me. I'm a total loser. You win." Either way, his Jeep was pathetic and so was he.

This is how it's been here the past few days, as the heat has come to stay awhile and we are all going insane moving from the blazing sun into the blasting air conditioning, giving us the runs and making our heads hurt. The level of crazy is at it's annual high and everyone is on edge. Perhaps we'll get lucky and I might witness a traffic shooting? If I get the chance, I'll take pictures so you can enjoy it, too.

I do it because I care. I'm a nice guy like that. You're welcome.

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