Bad Luck Always Comes in Threes

What the hell is going on here in the United States these past few days? I mean, good God almighty!

Ed McMahon

Tuesday, June 23rd, just after midnight, Mr. Tonight Show sidekick and Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes king Ed McMahon died in the hospital, basically of old age and health problems including bone cancer and pneumonia. The past few years there have been all sorts of rumors about him marrying some hot gold digger who cleaned him out and left him virtually homeless. Who knows if there's any truth to it? Still, he seemed like a nice enough guy. I hate to see him go. It was a sad day.

But the sad was only just getting started.

Farrah Fawcett

Today, at 9:28 am in a hospital in Santa Monica, California, Charlie's Angels icon and queen of the most famous pin-up poster in modern history, Farrah Fawcett, died after a 3 year long, knock-down, drag out battle with anal cancer.

Whoever even heard of anal cancer before she got it? And yet they say it's pretty common. It's just that until someone beautiful gets it, no one wants to talk about it. Then a hot sexy movie star from Corpus Christi, Texas gets it and suddenly the world is paying attention.

Just this past May, Farrah did a 2 hour special showing the ugly and painful struggle she had been going through. And you could pretty well guess that she wasn't going to make it. It was so very sad.

Michael Jackson

Almost exactly 3 hours after Farrah Fawcett died, at 12:21 in the afternoon, Michael Jackson, the king of pop, crotch grabbing and really tacky '80s jackets, collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. 2 hours later, at 2:26 pm, he was officially pronounced dead. They said he had a heart attack. Oh sure, there's going to be an autopsy. Maybe it was something more than a heart attack. Maybe it was drugs. Or diet pills. Or stress from bankruptcy. Or Billy Mays screaming over the TV and scaring the living shit out of him. Who knows? It's still a huge shock.

I guess it's just a reminder, you know, that we're all going to die. I didn't really need the reminder. Passive/aggressive cunts in traffic have been reminding me on a daily basis. But I guess God wanted to make sure we're all paying attention. This is a short ride. We'll be getting off soon. Throw your hands in the air and scream while you can. Before you know it the cars will be coming to a stop and they'll be telling you to get out so the next generation can take a turn. Here's hoping you had fun and nobody puked on you.

Off into the sunset, to a better place

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