Great Googly Moogly!
I have to go out of town later this month. I asked Kami if I can stay with her while I'm in Dallas. She said it would be OK if I promised not to wet the bed or walk around the house naked. I said I can't make any promises as to that. So I think I may be staying at the Hilton or something. They didn't ask about bed wetting, so I'm good to go until check-out time at least. They didn't mention public nudity, so I'm assuming it's OK.
Speaking of Hilton, I still don't care if Paris goes to jail or not. I still don't care if she's got herpes or not. I still don't care if there's some porn video of her having sex on the internet somewhere. I just don't care about Paris. I do think that if she doesn't shut up about wanting to get out of it then they won't be able to slip her out of doing the entire sentence and she'll end up stuck with the full 45 days are whatever.
I saw a South Park episode last night in which they made fun of her. It was hilarious. She inspired all the little girls in South Park to aspire to be spoiled hos. And in the end there was a Whore Off between Mr. Slave and Paris. She stuffed an entire pineapple up her hu hu and then Mr. Slave defeated her by stuffing HER up his butt. I laughed so hard I started coughing. And then My Wife just looked at me and said, "you watch weird crap."
In news more interesting than Paris doing porn or me wetting Kami's bed, some drunk girl climbed into a giraffe's cage and got the living crap kicked out of her. Luckily for her all she got was a broken collar bone. Did you ever watch the Lord of the Rings movie, the third one, Return of the King, when the Riders of Rohan are trying to take on the Oliphants at the big battle in front of Minius Tirith? Yeah, a drunk girl taking on an angry giraffe is probably a lot like that. Except that she didn't have on armor or a sword or anything cool like that. And the giraffe probably didn't have some guy with a painted face driving from atop his head. Either way, same situation. I wonder if anyone caught it on video?
A possibly even more interesting news story is the motorists in Israel driving around the dead body of an accident victim and not stopping to check on him or see if they can help in any way. I recall a story in the Bible about this very thing. Well, it wasn't about an accident victim. I mean, obviously there are no cars or motorcycles in the Bible, but it was basically the same situation. Some guy had been beaten and robbed along side the road and people just walked around him and ignored his situation. Nothing has really changed in 2000 years, it would seem. Except that now we have cell phones.
In Taiwan, their legislators have become in the habit of breaking into spontaneous matches of Ultimate Fighting over various political issues. I know this isn't a good thing, but can you imagine how popular C-Span would become if our Congress occasionally threw down and started slugging it out? How much would you give to see your least favorite member of Congress get punched square in the face on TV? The ratings would go through the roof. Besides making Congress more interesting, it would also make that whole idea of electing people like Jesse Ventura and Arnold Schwarzenegger seem like a much better idea.
Bolivia, Brazil, and Peru
3 places I'd love to visit for a few minutes
The president of HBO was just fired because he was arrested on "suspicion of assault" relating to his girlfriend. In other words, no one knows if he did or didn't assault his girlfriend, but the mere suggestion of it is enough for him to be fired immediately. If this isn't the Victorian era all over again, now renamed the Oprah era, then I don't know what is. Worst of all, if he were a woman accused of murdering his husband, not only would he not be fired, but instead he'd be celebrated and the entire corporation would rally around him/her. There's no need to know any facts. All they need to know is the sex.
In random assorted headlines, an Australian study claims to prove that fathers are more to blame for their kids' obesity than mothers. I'd like to know, in light of the obesity epidemic and recent headlines proudly celebrating the recent predominance of single mother households, how this is even possible? More households have no fathers at all than have them, and yet somehow even though they've been discarded they are still blamed for the fat, depressed kids living with their ex-wives? Again, it's the Oprah era. Even being absent or dead doesn't shield men from a torrent of blame.
"I'm the REAL victim!"
Hey, whatever, fatso.
Hey hey, we're the Monkees. People say we monkey around!
BOOM!
Phil Spector is still in the news. Apparently this rich and powerful music producer has a habit of pulling guns on his girlfriends. I've never met this guy in person or anything, but I'm guessing he's just a tiny little dude. Otherwise, what's with all the insane fear of his own girlfriends that he has to pull a gun on them? Are they armed, too, or something? Why does he need a gun for every girlfriend he ever had? Maybe he should date less violent women or something. Why is he so incredibly scared of them all? Maybe they're all blackbelts and they break up his furniture while screaming "KiYA!" I could see how that would be scary. But he could just break up with them, couldn't he? Oh wait, I forgot. In America you don't break up or get a divorce. You just SHOOT THEM. And then you get a lawyer and a nice dress and declare yourself to be the real victim. Well, Phil has lately been wearing pink pantsuits and an old Peter Tork wig, but I expect he'll go all out and show up in that dress any day now.
But he's still going to prison.
Perhaps he could do community service as the anti-drug spokesman? "Hi, I'm Phil Spector. I'm living proof that drugs make you paranoid as hell and can sometimes lead to crazed violence and bad fashion sense."
And there's a headline about the Pope opposing abortion. Who didn't know this already? Why is this so hard to comprehend? Is it a surprise to someone, somewhere? Why is it a headline? What will they have as a headline tomorrow, "Rosie O'Donnell admits she's gay!" Yeah, you think I'm joking, but I wouldn't put it past them.
Griffith Park in Los Angeles caught fire and burned up. Apparently the Cinco de Mayo crowd got sick of making big old doobies out of the American flag and decided to try to smoke the leaves on the bushes directly.
In Washington D.C., where gay black Baby Boomers rule with an iron fist, they're loosening restrictions on elderly drivers. Who didn't see this coming? As the Baby Boomers get older and older we're increasingly told that old isn't really old and that everyone else just drives too fast and needs to slow down. It isn't old people who are the problem. No, it's all those damn punks up on the sidewalks getting in the way of their cars!
Some alleged Republicans in Congress, trying to get a guest spot on Larry King Live and maybe a little poontang from the young girls at the local hotspot, are turning on Bush over Iraq. This reminds me of an old play by Shakespeare that we all had to make a speech from. "I come not to praise Caesar, but to bury him."
Et tu, Brute?
For Brutus is an honorable man.
Paris, honey, you look so pale. You need to get some sun
There's also a headline about Republican Mitt Romney calling super-racist Al Sharpton a "bigot." It's taken all these years for anyone in authority to finally stand up and call Al Sharpton a bigot, but it's finally happened. And do you know WHY Mitt is calling Grand Dragon Al a bigot? Because Al said that "those who really believe in God will defeat" Mitt Romney. Mitt is a Mormon, and he took this comment to mean that Al is critical of Mormonism. Yeah, all these years we've been waiting for someone who claims to be a leader in this country to stand up to Al "racist" Sharpton and call him on his bigotry and racism, and when it finally happens it's this. Sooooo disappointing.
Anyway, that's my mental diarrhea for today. Not much is going on. I've got a lot of work to do. Next week promises to pick up the pace and get even rougher, so I'm posting when I can, but don't get upset if I'm in and out, OK? I'm pushed for time.
And now .... my comments about last night's episode of "My Name Is Earl." If you haven't watched it yet then you may not want to read any further because I'm giving a few things away.
2 years?!
I loved the giant reel-to-reel tape recordings of Earl on the phone to 911 while Joy was going psycho.
I loved the walkie talkies tuned to channel 9, the emergency channel, so they could talk about the goofy stuff they say before falling asleep. I loved Randy saying 'goodnight' to everyone including channel 9, before finally getting off of it, like he was on the Waltons.
I loved the way Crabman's hair droops when he's depressed.
I had been worried that Jaime Pressly was leaving the show, so I'm relieved she's not in jail. But I didn't expect Earl to go to prison.
I loved that Earl's cellmate is the crazy guy who played Phoebe's brother on 'Friends', and Memphis' brother on "Gone in 60 Seconds", and that he's already gotten Earl into trouble.
If My Wife hadn't been on the computer I would have jumped on the live chat with Joy and Randy and one of the show's writers. I did the chat after the finale of "Las Vegas" and it was fun. Molly Sims is awesome.
You have read this article jessica simpson /
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paris hilton
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