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Apparently I love the sound of my own voice ...er ... keyboard, because even though I have nothing going on in my life worth blogging about, I just keep on typing. Sorry for that. I guess I'm afraid that if I stop talking, you will all go home and forget me. And then I'll be alone again. In Memphis. Where everyone is crazy and stupid.
So, random thoughts that popped into my head as I was sitting at my desk first thing this morning reading over the news ...
There's an article about a man in Connecticut who was wrongly convicted of rape and sent to prison for 18 years. They just now figured out that they had the wrong man, if in fact any man at all was involved, and so they've let him out. The state legislature, in a surprisingly generous move considering how feminist Connecticut is, voted to give him $5 million for his troubles, which include being beaten and raped in prison every day for 18 years. He was even wearing a cross when they talked to him and still they didn't spit on him or anything. Shocking. Just goes to show you that you never know how life is going to throw a curve every now and then, but usually the curve breaks towards your groin.
There's a story at the top of the AP: Top Stories list with the headline "Giuliani, Edwards report income." Yeah, very exciting. Except that I could care less. They both make way too much, which is way more than I'll ever have, so fuck'em both for that. Jealous much? You betcha!
The U.S. Senate, now controlled by the Democrats, are renewing their call for Gonzales' head. The problem is, he didn't do anything wrong and they can't seem to catch anyone associated with him misremembering anything, so they can't even imprison any of the peons for the "crime" of not remembering exactly. Witch hunt, anyone? Confess your sin and we'll go easy on you.
The daughter of Martin Luther King Jr died at the same time as Jerry Falwell. Leftists are throwing wild celebrations at the death of Reverend Falwell even as they continue to lament the death of their beloved Che Guevara and ignore King's daughter. As for the rest of us, life goes on relatively unaffected by any of it.
New York just passed gay marriage by judicial fiat. It's apparently all just a game. All laws are meaningless if no one holds judges accountable. I wonder who I have to bribe to get myself appointed as a federal judge? It sounds like fun.
Bleh! I don't want to talk about serious news. I'm scrolling down to the more interesting news stories .... hang on ....
Ah, here we go. "Mom drives son to rob jewelry store." Now there's a great mom! She just wants to see her boy get ahead in the world. And also, he couldn't afford to buy her anything for Mother's Day because his child support and alimony payments leave him utterly penniless. So, I guess from their point of view, if it's OK to rob him then it's OK for him to rob someone else, eh? Sure. Whatever. Works for me. I'm not a big fan of jewelry anyway.
Some highly artistic murderers in Tijuana Mexico murdered a man and then wrapped him in Christmas wrapping paper. This is so much more creative than the typical daily murders here in Memphis. They just shoot them and then run them over with their own cars in Memphis. Or sometimes they just throw their bodies into a ditch alongside the road, like they did with a 17-year-old girl earlier this week. Gotta love them Mexicans. They sure know how to kill a person with flair.
A Canadian girl, hitchhiking while looking for a man to rob, stole an old man's car after he gave her a ride, but then crashed it into a tree a few minutes later and died. That makes me laugh. Oh you wacky Canadians! Hey, anyone remember "Pee Wee's Big Adventure", where he impressed a gang of bikers so much that they gave him a motorcycle so he could continue his quest, and he rode off straight into a sign and crashed? That was some funny shit!
Hey, they don't mess around in Spain. A bank in Madrid repossessed a house after the owner failed to make payments. Then they immediately resold it. The new owners discovered the reason that the previous owner had failed to make the payments. She was dead inside the house, mummified even.
Ophelia "crackhead" Ford
Oooh, I nearly nearly forgot a news story from right here in Memphrica, since it isn't covered in any national headlines. Remember how I occasionally wrote about the crazed and corrupt Ford family here in Memphis? John Ford is on trial for corruption and was already convicted on one count. Tamara Mitchell Ford went to jail and got her ass beat, Paris Hilton style, and then whined about it on the TV news while the reporters laughed. And Ophelia Ford bitched and moaned that her family wouldn't "give" her a seat in the state senate "because she's a woman." And when they did "give" it to her, and she got busted for voter fraud, she complained that the government only busted her "because she's black." And now, once again sitting on her throne in the state senate, crack pipe in hand, she's gone totally apeshit crazy in front of the entire legislature and TV news cameras. She went off on a tirade that made no sense to anyone, bragging about her ties to the funeral industry where dead voters are found, and sounding like the lunatic "diva" she is. It was hilarious. I mean, honestly, all you can do is laugh. She'll get re-elected again and again now that she's got the graveyards on her side. Apparently, in Memphis anyway, once a person dies, they automatically become a die-hard Democrat and vote that way from then on. It's true!
Oh, and Wednesday night on CBS, as usual, all the bad guys were white males. I didn't even pay attention to "Criminal Minds" or "CSI NY" because it's no longer even remotely fun. I did glance over long enough to notice that Montana and whatshisface, Andy or whatever, jumped into bed together. My Wife said "YAY!" She likes Montana. I had to tape "Medium" so I haven't seen it yet. I think I may have missed last week's episode because from the ads for last night's show I didn't know what the heck was going on.
Hey, did you see the finale of "CSI" last night? Talk about finally showing a little creative talent! Who expected that? Then again, how the hell were we supposed to figure it out since they didn't introduce the character prior to last night's show? Either way, it was a welcomed change of pace. I had started to fall asleep during all the CBS crime shows because that whole "the white male did it" has been getting SO OLD.
Anyway, it's My Wife's birthday and I was supposed to have bought her a car by now. But then she put me off because we're looking at houses. This is the first time ever that I don't have her a present or even a card on her birthday. She says she doesn't care because she knows she's getting one of the two and possibly both, but I still care. I can't believe I don't even have her a card. I've got to find something up to the standard I've set over the years, which is high, and somehow find it here in Boondocks during my lunch hour. I think they have all of 2 stores that MIGHT sell cards and that's it. I feel so bad.
And also, I need to poop. Ugh! This came on sudden. Damn coffee diuretic!
Hey, look at this ...
Boobies!
I love me some good boobies. OK, impromptu poll here: are they real or fake? Vote in the comments 'cause I'm in a hurry and can't throw a poll together right now.
I wrote this yesterday, so if I seem unusually erratic in this post it's because I've combined two days' worth of erratic into one horrific monstrosity. Is anyone still reading this? Man, the poop is pressing its' advantage. But I'm a strong man and I can hold it until I'm done here. Yes, I can!
There is a remake of the old show "The Bionic Woman" coming out on NBC. When I heard about it, I rolled my eyes. It's just more ego in expensive clothes. Ugh! But then I saw a photo of the girl who is going to play her.
Is her Hu-Hu bionic?
OK, now I'm interested! I know, I know, it's going to be REALLY lame, like "Xenia," with lots of scenes of women beating up men and all but pissing on them while they're down, but even so, this girl is HOT. I'm betting the show will be horrifically lame, but do well in the ratings anyway.
OK, one last thing and then I'll go. They've opened a nude car wash in Brisbane, Australia. There's apparently a huge drought there and people are forbidden to wash their own cars. So you have to go to an approved recycled water car wash in order to get your car clean. Some ingenious entrepreneur combined his strip club business with his car wash business and came up with an X-rated car wash. Man, I LOVE Australia!
Cleanliness is next to godliness
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