FYF - The Sun is Shining

Fuck You Friday

It's another Fuck You Friday.

Spring is pretending to have arrived early.
No one wants to sit inside reading 30 minutes of news headlines.
Not even me.
So I've managed to make this one shorter.

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Gay couples get licenses in N.J.

And now, for the first time ever, they can vote! No wait, they already could do that. In fact, they could already do every single thing that everyone else could already do.

McCain: Rumsfeld was one of the worst

.. Scrabble players in history. That McCain, he’s a big fanatic about that Scrabble!

Bush: fixing health care is "urgent priority"

Which would seem to indicate that he thinks it’s broken, wouldn’t it? Why would he say something like this? Is he really that stupid?



Clinton urges start of Iraq pullout in 90 days

By all means, let us surrender as fast as possible to show our enemies how sorry we are for crushing them after our nation was attacked. Funny thing is, when Clinton was president we didn’t surrender or race to pull out of anywhere. Except Somalia. Remember Black Hawk Down? Anyway, we still have troops in all of the places that Clinton attacked. Hey, remember when Japan attacked Pearl Harbor, so President Roosevelt attacked Germany? Yeah? Think about that for a minute.

New heart guidelines for women stress aspirin

First, this is really old information. Second, notice there are no new heart guidelines for men because they haven’t spent a dime on health research for males since 1996 when a Republican-controlled Congress thought it’d be cute to just cut off all males from health care advances entirely. Ha ha, it was all a joke. And now the Democrats control Congress. Who’s laughing now, funny boys?

High cholesterol raises stroke risk healthy women

But not healthy men because ... say it with me ... no men were permitted to participate in the study.

International study finds new autism genetic links

That’s awesome, but could you hurry up, please? Perhaps some of the trillions of dollars going towards breast cancer research could be better spent here? This problem does seem to be growing in leaps and bounds while the entire country focuses entirely on breasts. Not that breasts aren’t fascinating, but still ….

Dominican prostitutes test AIDS vaccine

Now you know at some point they’re going to be accusing someone of being Nazis and suing the shit out of them for testing a vaccine on minority prostitutes, regardless of the outcome, right? Who doesn’t see this coming?

Mummified body found in front of blaring TV

Remember when Mtv was new and you would just sit and stare for hours at all those weird-assed videos all day long? Yes, I am old enough to remember that. It’s a wonder this didn’t happen back then.

Anglican Communion wants U.S. action in gay row

Remember when the United States was considered a shining city on a hill, with faith in God and Mom and apple pie and all that? Yeah? Well now we’re considered a big, gay, head-shaving, pantiless, narcissistic whore who does way too much meth and can’t get its’ shit together. Foreigners around the world have begun referring to Americans as "Britney".

Watchdog says drug prices "grave problem"

It’s not the prices that are the problem, Mr Political Science Major. It’s the fact that it costs too damned much to research them, get them through all the FDA hurdles, and then finally get them out on the market for the brief period that your patent is in force before everyone else gets to cash in our your hard work. Ah, I’m wasting my breath here. There are those who ‘get’ math and those who just can’t.

Math anxiety saps working memory needed to do math

If it weren’t for this, there would never have even been socialism because Karl Marx would have realized how full of shit that whole thing really is. Alas, he couldn’t count.

Multifaceted attack on truancy can save kids

If they cared anything at all about saving kids they’d stop busing the bad kids to the good schools while sending the good kids all the way to the other side of town to the bad schools where they get attacked, raped, robbed, and murdered.

N.M. orders 500 talking urinal cakes

It’s for a program of calculated harassment based entirely on sex. I can’t think of a better set-up to a class-action lawsuit, but you know it won’t happen because the victims are the “wrong” sex. So instead they’ll be reporting on men getting arrested for throwing these things into the trash. All the while, we’ll be expected to be outraged at them for daring to toss out the source of the harassment. Oh sure, it’ll START with drunk driving messages, but I guarantee before the year is out it’ll be changed into misandric feminazi sermons about the evils of heterosexuality and men. That’s what’s been going on in mens’ bathrooms at ivy league colleges across the nation for years. That’s where this whole idea came from.

Vietnam vets rally to protect memorial

Apparently our nation’s cowardly lions and Oprah fans are rallying in Washington D.C. to protest the war. In order to prevent the Vietnam war memorial from being destroyed by these flamboyant pansies, Vietnam veterans, all elderly men now, are having to physically protect it themselves. What a pathetic nation of spoiled brats and screaming babies we have become. Nazi Germany would rule the world if it were left up to this generation of Americans to stop them. Then again, if Franklin Roosevelt were President today he’d be rounding up and imprisoning the protesters in concentration camps, which would be rather disturbing, so who can say how this Oprahfied nightmare would end? All I know is, we are a long way from being the nation that once risked all to stand against fascism.



Iran refuses to budge on UN demands

Iran knows what a corrupt and pussified organization the UN is. Hell, all terrorist nations know this because they make up the majority of nations running the UN, alongside Hollywood meth heads who are there to pose for photos and push grrl power gender supremacy. Why give in to a paper tiger when instead you can just ask them for bribes in exchange for you still not doing what they ask?

Cheney slams Iraq plan advocated by Dems

He’s not planning to run for President. He has no incentive to play nice and pretend that our military isn’t being betrayed. Also, the Democrats know that if he ever gets any of them out in the woods for a hunting trip he’ll shoot their treasonous asses. Although it may very well be entirely and genuinely by accident.



Australia looks to increase forces in Afghanistan

Australia has the benefit of a President who doesn’t care about polls or party leaders. He seems to feel that as the elected leader it is simply his job to lead. Imagine that. I wonder what that’s like?

Farrakhan to make his last major address

Following this “last major address” he’ll be replacing Isaiah Washington on “Grey’s Anatomy.”

Men-free tourism island planned

It’s a bit ironic that this is a Muslim idea, being planned out in Iran of all places. Because to be quite honest this is what many lesbians expect heaven to be like, complete with 7 vestal virgins and all that. Do you suppose the fighting men of the Middle East are simply unaware of what they may be putting together here? They are SO going to regret this.

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