This is so funny and SO TRUE! (Although it's probably only funny to the poor souls living in Memphis, but even so ... )
1. Downtown Memphis is comprised entirely of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Memphis is to turn around and start over when you reach Arkansas or Mississippi.
2. All directions start with, "Go down I-240..."
3. I-240 has no beginning and no end.
4. Coca-Cola is bottled in Memphis. That's all we drink here, so don't ask for any other soft drink. And, by the way, it's pronounced "Co'Cola".
5. Memphians only know their way home and their way to work.
6. Gate One at the Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse.
7. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive".
8. The 8 a.m. Rush hour is from 6:30 a.m. To 9:30 a.m. The 5:00 p.m. rush hour is from 3:30p.m. To 6:30 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
9. "Sugar" is a more common form of address than "Miss". So is "Honey".
10. "Presley" can only be properly pronounced by a native Memphian, so do NOT attempt the pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you with their mouths open.
11. The falling of one raindrop causes all traffic to immediately come to a screeching halt. So will Daylight Saving Time, a girl applying eye shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over. Should (God Forbid) one snowflake fall in Memphis, all drivers on the roads immediately lose any ability to control a car. Or, if in a pickup truck or SUV, they will drive as though the roads are dry.
12. If you're standing on a corner and a Metro Bus stops, you're expected to get on and go somewhere - although no one actually knows where the buses go.
13. Memphis is pronounced "MEM'-fus".
14. Construction on I-240 is perpetual, a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment for the road construction companies.
15. Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.
16. Memphis' traffic is the friendliest around. The commuters spend hours mingling with each other twice a day. In fact, Memphis' traffic is rated number 1 in the country. You will often see people parked beside the road and engaged in lively discussions.
17. I-240 is the southern equivalent of the Autobahn. You will rarely see s semi-truck on I-240, because the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match, to meet their children at the school bus.
18. The 95 pound woman driving the Ford Excursion (the largest vehicle ever produced in the world) absolutely MUST come to a complete stop, then proceed at 2.5 mph over any railroad track. Let's face it, this vehicle was built to invade small countries, and she's worried about the darn railroad tracks!!!
19. Hard and fast rule of the road in Memphis: Never use your turn indicator when changing lanes on any freeway. Use it randomly on surface streets.
20. Pedestrians in Memphis have the right-of-way....but it is a driver's duty to take out the pedestrian when crossing the street.
21. The parking lots at all the malls rotate once every hour, thus ensuring that visitors will be unable to find their cars.
22. Most native Memphians do not know how to get around downtown.
23. Even though I-240 is known as a "loop", you cannot drive the entire circumference of the loop without taking several exits.
24. Even though it is the largest indoor arena in the region, there is no easy way to reach the Pyramid. You must drive under a series of interstate off-ramps and through the back of a concrete company in order to park. Once you reach the building, you must climb up dozens of steps, even if your seats are at floor level, which means you will be climbing back DOWN dozens of steps after entering the arena.
25. A typical set of Midtown directions may include, "take North Parkway East until you reach East Parkway, then take East Parkway South until you reach South Parkway, then take South Parkway West until you reach..."
26. If you drive South from Shady Grove Road, you will end up on Ridgeway Road without taking any turns. If you continue South, you will eventually be on Hickory Hill Blvd, again without taking any turns. However, Ridgeway Road will be parallel to you about a mile to the East. Memphis' street names change without warning. It is common knowledge that Memphis was laid out by a drunk Indian on a crippled horse. Just go to Winchester Road out East, and try to distinguish between the intersections of Germantown Road, Old Germantown Road, and Germantown Road Extended/Riverdale.
27. There is an intersection of two streets near Midtown. The "two"streets are Summer Avenue, North Parkway, Trezevant Blvd., and East Parkway. Again, names change at random. This situation (two intersecting streets with four names) is not atypical.
28. Native Memphians cannot distinguish between the Mississippi River bridges named "Memphis-Arkansas Bridge" and "Hernando DeSoto Bridge". Nor can they distinguish between the "I-55 Bridge" and the "I-40 Bridge". They are ONLY known locally as the "Old Bridge" and the "New Bridge" (even though the "New Bridge" is OVER thirty years old).
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