1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Yep, a few times. They're a lot rougher on men than they are on women when they do this. I think it must be penis envy.
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
No way, what would be the point of getting on if you're going to do that?
3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
Years and years and years and years.
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
I'd rather sleep with Courtney Cox or Kate Beckinsale if given the choice, but so far I haven't.
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
I've got one living across the street from me right now. His name is Chad and he's a white gang bangin' police informant ghost boy.
6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Yes, and so far it hasn't made me one thin dime.
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
No, but I do think he killed his ex-wife and a guy she invited over, named Ron.
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
I'd do Angelina, but I'd be mighty wary about stickin' around after. I have a strong aversion to sociopaths and a strong suspicion about her being one. Jennifer Aniston, on the other hand, seems more down to earth and easy to live with, just so long as you don't want to ever have a family. I do, though, so it'd just have to be a fling. Still, I would think I'd be a lot less likely to get herpes from Jennifer. Who can say? I couldn't easily turn down either one, now could I?
9. Do you stay friends with your exes?
I used to. I'm a doormat, apparently.
10. Do you know how to play poker?
I used to, back in college, but I can't remember it all anymore.
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
I've been awake for 3 straight days several times at the Big Fucking Alabama Bank I used to work for when we had system problems. And did they ever give me one single fucking thing in return for that? A raise? An award? Any recognition at all? No fucking way. Lyin', spouse-cheatin', porn-stealin', backstabbing, divorcing, drug-using assholes.
12. What's your favorite commercial?
You know the cellphone commercial with the high school cheerleader talking on her phone while standing in a room filled with technicians who are waiting to see how long her battery lasts, and she's saying, "I was going to wear the white bathing suit and then she had it too. You got your head stuck in the sunroof? So not good. Mmm, chewing gum." That high squeaky voice she does and the stuff she says just cracks me up every time.
13. What are you allergic to?
Everything green, dust, my own sweat, and Hillary Clinton.
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights?
I have at certain intersections when I knew the light didn't have a sensor and was just going to leave me sitting there forever, but I don't do it in general. I'm the kind of person who gets busted the first and only time they do something.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Probably, but it's not likely anything interesting. I can't even think of what it might be.
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
Cubs or Braves, baby. This ain't New England down here and I don't give a shit about their teams.
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
Yes, I even have an old T-shirt they gave me at the old RocketCity Skate Center. They were giving the shirts away because they were printed with the name of the city misspelled. The very first time I skated I noticed how all the novices went really slow and kept falling down, so I figured if I went really fast I might stay up better, sort of like riding a bike. Guess what? I was right. I didn't fall once. Then, my second time skating, I had the wipe out from hell - face down and head first into the wall at full speed.
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
Not often, although lately it's been more frequent. Usually it only happens if something is wrong, like me being sick, or stressed, or upset. And sometimes changes in the seasons bring on lots of dreams. Otherwise, I don't usually even recall dreaming anything at all.
19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
The other night, I saw "Kung Fu Hustle" for the very first time. SUCH a funny movie!
20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
Hell, I can pull out 5 original vinyl albums and as many 45s with "Apple Records" stamped on them. Yes, I can name 5 songs by The Beatles. Hell yes I can.
(My Wife has been playing the same 3 Sheryl Crow songs over and over for the past hour while I have been blogging and working on this and it hasn't even bugged me. Weird, huh?)
21. What's the one thing on your mind now?
My taint itches and it's hard to scratch through my jeans.
22. Do you know who Ghetto-ass barbie is?
No, but the way things are these days I'm betting it's a guy.
23. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yes, when I was in the fifth grade I was the captain of the patrols (yeah, shut the fuck up.) I was walking my "beat" when I heard police sirens coming down the road fast. Then a high school girl in a big '70s car came flying down the road, skidding around the turn onto the street I was walking next to, clipped the curb with her front passenger side wheel, slid down the front seat and slammed against the passenger side door, quickly reached over and grabbed the steering wheel as the now driverless car careened up the curb, across the sidewalk 5 inches from killing me, and pulled herself back behind the wheel just in time to slam on the brakes as her car headed into the field and stopped just short of crashing into a 6 foot deep ditch that criss-crossed the field. Then she threw it in reverse and backed across the field and down the curb back onto the street, nearly running me over once again, before throwing it back into drive and skidding off as fast as she could. The cops never caught her, but I learned a valuable lesson about what can happen if you're driving a car and suddenly need to run from the cops without wearing your seatbelt. So from the day I had my license I have always worn my seatbelt. The law is bullshit, but I wear it because I think it's a damned good idea. Otherwise, you might crash your car and get busted while running from the police.
24. What cell service do you use?
I think we use Lousy Cell Service. Pretty sure about that.
25. Do you like sushi?
I can take it or leave it. Unless by "sushi" you mean pussy.
26. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
Yes, a few. Memories of some of the near death experiences I have had courtesy of some really stupid drivers in Alabama, Mississippi, and Tennessee are one of the reasons that I am so resistant to buying a compact car and never feel safe in my minitruck.
27. What do you wear to bed?
Did you not see the HNT posting of my smiley-faced boxer shorts?
28. Been caught stealing?
No, I have never been all that big on stealing. My brother, on the other hand ... nevermind.
29. What shoe size do you have?
10
30. Do you truly hate anyone?
I think I just might, but I'm not sure yet.
31. Classic Rock or Rap?
I HATE HATE HATE rap. I'd rather listen to Big Band or Swing or even Country than Rap any day of the week. And I'm a Heavy Metal fan.
32. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
Ever heard of Carmen Electra?
33. Favorite Song?
There is a duet between Live! and Shelby Lynne, called "Run Away", that I could listen to 100 times in a row and not be sick of it.
34. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?
Probably back in college when I was playing guitar and recording songs, but not since.
35. What food do you find disgusting?
Salmonella Chicken
36. Do you sing in the shower?
No, but sometimes I fart musically and make bubbles.
37. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
Yes, but no one else wanted to play so it was just "I'll show you mine."
38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Probably, but I can't think of a specific time.
39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Yes.
40. Have you ever been punched in the face?
I've been in fist-fights, but I can't remember a time when the other guy ever landed a good shot to my face. I've never lost a fight. But I have boxed and kickboxed, both of which involved me getting punched in the face several times. I guess it depends on what you're counting as getting punched in the face.
OK, well that's all there is. Now I have to go eat supper. I'm tired.
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