Headlines and stuff

Us Lawmakers seek FBI timeline of Patraeus investigation

Yes, by all means, let's exhaust every possible avenue of investigating this gigantic scandal. People died as a result of this. No wait, that was Benghazi that got Americans killed by terrorist Muslims while the President slept. And we didn't investigate that at all. In fact, it was covered over to protect Obama during reelection. We're still not investigating it or talking about it. We're talking about a soap opera involving a general instead. It's called misdirection.

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have broken up!

So what? Who cares? 5 minutes from now they'll be yesterday's news as Lindsay Lohan gets arrested again or Miley Cyrus posts more nude photos of herself. This is not news. It's a fart in the wind.

Pelosi to run again for House minority leader post

Of course she is. She's a raging narcissistic imperialist capitalist vag princess who loves socialism and could not bear to release her grip on power and attention even if her life depended on it. She'd sooner die in a blazing inferno than to give up power and media attention. She's like the Jerry Jones of Congress. Or maybe Jerry Jones is the Nancy Pelosi of football. Either way, it leads to epic failure.

Patraeus scandal widens, snares US commander in Afghanistan

Did anyone read my Red Riding Hood story? I'm starting to think Obama did, and didn't like the ending because of the possibility of it coming true. So he's rounding up all the generals to shoot them and make sure it doesn't happen the way I wrote.

Senate GOP largely retains leadership team

Why of course you are! Why would you change a thing? After all, you've been so successful these past many years, right? I mean, if you define success as losing ground in an election where your opponents are massively incompetent, corrupt and unpopular. Otherwise, you are inept and need to be ousted. But maybe that's just me that thinks you have a problem at the top and has been bitching about it on a blog for 8 years?

Global warming talk heats up, revisits carbon tax

Oh that's so cute. Do you see what they did there? Global warming talk 'heats up'? Yeah, the media can sure play word games, can't they? They're so good at it they can sell you a buttfucking and tell you its a favor they're doing you. Now bend over 'cause here it comes again.

Scientists use genome sequencing to halt superbug

All this effort just to deal with Herbie the Love Bug? I mean, sure the idea of a rogue Volkswagen running around creating havoc and harassing people might seem a little scary at first, but do we really need an entire team of researchers just to stop it? Why not just lock it in the garage and call it a day? How about some of those wheel boots the cities use?

France considers broad tax on web companies

First France elects another major socialist douche and now, lo and behold, they're trying to come up with new and ever more far-reaching taxes to reach into the pockets of people who don't even live anywhere near their country. That's what happens when you chase all the businessmen out of the country and only have the 'free-riders' to try to squeeze money out of. But that's OK, because now that the US is socialist too we'll probably be passing an internet tax, seeing as we own it, and taxing the entire world for using our creation. That's how 'hope and change' works. That's 'forward' for you. Soon we'll all be broke, and growing poorer and more destitute by the day, but we'll just redefine this free-fall as 'progress' and pretend that all is well. Yay!

UN says contraception/abortion is a 'human right'

Funny the things that global tyrants will call a 'right' and the things they won't. If you want a pill to prevent a child from being born, that's a new 'right', a legally mandated option that no one can deny you. So it must be provided for you for free, meaning all taxpayers must buy it for you at higher than market price even though they don't know you and you don't pay any taxes. On the other hand, the 'right' of religion, the 'right' to disagree and not be a participant in abortions, is NOT a right that these same UN kings recognize. Neither is the right to self-protection, right to general self-defense, right to bare arms. You do NOT have a right to be left alone or respected as an individual. You do NOT have a right to private property or free speech that disagrees with the UN and if you oppose them on abortion or gay power or gun control or their opposition to belief in God, which ironically Christianity is where the concept of human rights came from, then you are a criminal and they will punish you, tax you, and finally quietly arrest and imprison you. But don't worry. While you're in prison you have a 'right' to a free abortion if you happen to get raped and become pregnant while inside your cell. The guards do have the 'right' to do anything and everything they want to you, as Federal courts and international courts have repeatedly reaffirmed as they expand government powers infinitely, so it is likely that you will get raped, and not just by the gay power inmates, either, but by big angry guards. It's all for the 'common good' though, so you should be happy about this.  The real irony here, though, is that The State, including the UN, does not consider sex to be a right. You don't have a right to have sex. It's tightly regulated and controlled, in case you haven't noticed.

Denver woman sentenced for faking PTSD to avoid jury duty

It's funny that the government cracked down on this woman for faking PTSD. Women who murder their husbands and boyfriends or otherwise mutilate and abuse them fake this exact condition all the time as a routine part of their defense strategy. And they always, always get away with it. I guess jury duty is more important, though, because government mandates it and also men tend to oppose Big Government so who cares about the spousal murder thing anyway? But jury duty, hey, that's IMPORTANT man!

Woman runs over husband with car for not voting

A woman in Arizona was so angry with her husband for not voting in the presidential election that she chased him with their car and then ran over him with it in front of witnesses. Despite the media insistence that there is a 'war on women' and that all acts of violence and abuse against males by females is merely 'retaliation for previous abuse', as the Violence Against Women Act states, witnesses nevertheless felt compelled to call the police and report that an actual crime was being committed. The husband is currently in the hospital with massive injuries and may die. The wife is expected to plead "I'm the real victim," declare that she suffers from PTSD, and get off without a conviction. The story, as usual, is relegated to the 'funny news stories' section. Doesn't it make you laugh?
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