Some days, when the shit is hitting the fan and there is more shitting coming, along comes someone or something to grant you temporary salvation. Today that someone is Utegirl and that something is the award she has given to me.

It seems that I am an inspirational blogger, a motivational speaker, a recreational user, a retarded person with a computer and a few minor HTML skills. And for that I am mighty proud!

Miss Ute wrote eloquently about how my blog inspires her and makes her laugh. And I appreciate what she said. It isn't often that I can make a girl laugh without resorting to dropping my pants. I feel almost accomplished or something. And significantly less drafty and humiliated.

So now it is my turn to give this award to the blog or blogs that inspire me.

I am old in Blog years and often get my blogs confused, the old and the new, the current and the retired. I know, you all expect me to talk endlessly and with a tear in my eye about the great Steph of MuchAdo and all of that. But Steph is gone and all my crying won't change her mind. So believe it or not, and I know this will shock many of you nearly to the point of peeing yourselves, but I'm actually going to try to limit my list to blogs that aren't shut down already. I shit you not.

The Bloggess - there are blogs that are witty and blogs that are pretty and blogs that are shitty, but The Bloggess is the kind of WTF funny that I wish I could be. And amazingly enough, she's that kind of funny every damn day. I'd hate her if I weren't too busy laughing at the wild-assed shit she cranks out on her blog. Seriously, if you haven't read her you then need to stop reading this and go check her out. No wait, don't do that. Read to the end, leave me a fucking comment, and THEN go check her out. And tell her I sent you, too. I don't think she even knows who I am.

Fingers and his Whine Guide - yes, yes, I know I said current blogs, but the man has not officially retired. He's just been busy. And he did update just this week, in fact. The man is funny. I don't care if you want to nag him for not posting as often as he used to, especially since he wouldn't care even if you did. He's funny in a way that let's him call you nasty names and still you laugh. That's hard to do. You truly have to have some sort of personality disorder to pull that off. And he's got it in spades, brother. You know he's funny. If you don't, it's because you haven't read him before.

Utegirl - hey, hey! What is with this "pay it backwards" thing? Yeah, so she gave me the award and now I'm giving it right back. Get over it, biatch! She's a good writer. She writes about stuff I wouldn't know otherwise. For instance, who knew Ford never stopped building the Falcon just because there aren't any over here in The People's Republica of America? And who knew every single car offered in Australia is offered in a 'ute' version, with 2 seats and a pickup bed in back? Can you imagine a Lexus or Mercedes like that? Wild, man!

Unique Stephen - This Australian blogger has already lived the life I wanted. He's not even nearly done with it yet and already he's done more and seen more than I ever will. It hardly seems fair. If he didn't supply me with high quality porn I'd probably hate him for his fabulous life. He's a good 'mate' and that's a fact. And a damn good blogger, too, which is what this award is all about, after all.

Oceanaria, Krista has been writing for about as long as I have, I suppose. I can't remember a time when I was blogging and wasn't already reading her. She's so calm, laid back, and creative. It's hard to explain what it's like to read her all these years, but she's unique. I like Krista and I like her style. She's artistic as hell and it shows in the way she expresses herself on her blog. Oh, and also she's hot.

XL - XL always impresses me. He'll blog about almost anything, every meal he's had since he was seven, or every car he's ever driven while drunk, or all the different styles of ladies underwear he's ever hung from a ceiling fan. It doesn't seem to matter what it is, he manages to make it fascinating. And then I, being the sort of guy I am, shamelessly steal it and blog the same thing as if I thought of it. The problem is, almost everyone who reads my blog also reads his, so I never get away with it. Dammit!

Anywhere But Here - If I remember correctly, I may have very well discovered Steph of MuchAdo over on this blog. Or perhaps it was the other way around. Either way, I love this girl. If not for her I never would have known that there even was a Western Canada where beautiful, intelligent, non-French-Canadian crazies live and thrive. I honestly thought that once you got to that half, all there was is Cirque du Soleil and bitchy women with sexy accents. This blog has a laid back style that I like very much. She relaxes me. And we have talked off and on for years. I'll be honest, I just like her. She's cool. You'll like her, too, though. She's an honest-to-God professional writer of sorts. She gets paid sometimes, whereas I just get spammed. Oh, and yes, she's very, very hot. In fact, last August she was featured in "Self" magazine wearing a bikini. Also, she had a bit part in the pilot episode of "House". Seriously, she's both hot and cool.

Ms Smack - This wild and crazy blogger has been accused of hacking every blog West of the Pecos. And it has taken me over a year to learn the story behind that whole "Hacked by Smack" tale of high seas adventure and international intrigue. She's slowed down a bit, as have many of us after so many years of pouring out our every thought onto the internet, but she's still one of the all-time greats. Go get Smacked!

Bit Player Reflects - Spiky is all heart. Lots and lots of heart. And a little bit of sex, as well. OK, a lot of sex. But there's no denying that Spiky has got a big, big heart and it is a wonderful thing. I love Spiky. She's the social butterfly of the blog world, always popping up in all the best places, at all the best parties, or else making her own over on her blog. Check her out and she'll be your friend for life.

Steph Does Blogger - and then there's this one, the new Steph, who is actually the old Steph who had a hilarious blog back years ago before The Steph ever registered on my radar, only to disappear into oblivion for no apparent reason. And now, from out of nowhere, she's BACK! Check her out. She's coarse and mean and cusses like an Australian sailor and reminds me of a female version of Fingers. Seriously, this girl is damned funny.

I have to stop here. There or many others, but I keep thinking back and remembering so many great, but long gone blogs of the past. And there are several fabulously creative and hilarious blogs that are currently alive and well, but whose URL I can't find at the moment. It's making me insane.

Oh, and here's another reason I have to stop. My damn list on the left-hand side of my blog keeps losing blogs that I input for it to keep me updated on. For example, here's an AWESOME blog that dropped off for no apparent reason:

The Blonde Goddess is Confused - this woman is a riot! I LOVE her blog. So why the hell does it keep disappearing from my damn blogroll?!

Nice Peace of Buddhay - damned funny! Why won't it stay on my blogroll?!

There are several others, and one that moved at least 3 times that I cannot find. At one point she called herself Compulsively Yours, but now I've lost her completely. And on top of this, there are many blogs that have already been given this award to several times. I don't want to just repeat what everyone else has said. Where's the fun in that?

So there you have it. Thank you, Utegirl, for this award. And now I give it away to all of the blogs I mentioned above.

* Fuck, I think I must have been on drugs or something when I wrote this. I misspelled everything and my grammar is crap. Well anyway, get over it. This shit is free.
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