Getting To Know You meme stolen from myself on Facebook

If you have been tagged, you have the horror of copying all these goofy questions, writing your own response, and tagging 25 other victims. Blah blah blah --- fuck that.

1.What time did you get up this morning?
Way : Damn Early AM

2.How do you like your steak?
Dead and cooked, and then served to me by a sizzling hot naked supermodel

3.What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Inglourious Basterds, and fuck you for not reading my previous post

4.What is your favorite TV show?
I like to hook up my video camera to the TV and watch myself watching myself. I call it "Deja Vu"

5.If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Sydney, Australia, in Nicole Kidman's spare bedroom next door to Finger's house

6.What did you have for breakfast?
Food and stuff. I was really sleepy so I'm lucky to remember that much.

7.What is your favorite cuisine?
Italian, they're hot and spicy and usually have that thick, dark, long hair, full breasts and dark eyes .. wait what?

8.What foods do you dislike?

9.Favorite place to eat?
The Table

10.Favorite dressing?
Italian - I like to undress them myself

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
Depends on the day of the week. Sunday I was driving a 1970 Chevelle SS454. Monday I drove a big-assed 4x4. Tuesday I drove a gray grandma car and had to pass a Porsche Carrerra on the shoulder because dude was CRAWLING. I also have a banana yellow hearse and whenever I'm mad at my neighbors I park it right out in front of their house.

12.What are your favorite clothes?
Whatever Jessica Biel is about to take off

13.Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Australia - BC, Canada (hi Karina!) - New Zealand - Germany - Mars

14.Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
I prefer it filled up, but currently I've almost drank all of it. Time for a refill. Ah Caffeine, you make my life complete!

15.Where would you want to retire?
My own mansion outside of Sydney, probably right off the beach, preferably a nude beach.

16.Favorite time of day?
Whatever time involves a certain wife saying "let's do it"

17.Where were you born?
Mom's vagina

18.What is your favorite sport to watch?
Supermodel Lingerie Football - seriously, it's a real sport. They get bloody and everything.

19.Who do you think will not tag you back?
Billy Mays, because he's dead

20.Person you expect to tag you back first?
Jessica Biel, with another restraining order or perhaps her new C2 Taser

21.Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
Jessica Biel

22.Bird watcher?
No, Biel watcher

23.Are you a morning or night person?
I'm ready to do it Morning, Noon and Night

24.Do you have any pets?
See, I tried to make Jessica Biel my pet, but she didn't want to and then this whole FBI and restraining order stuff started and it was all just too much trouble.

25.Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
If that was your hood that my camera bounced off of on the highway yesterday, I apologize. I paid $15 for it and it wasn't even worth that much. ARGH!

26.What did you want to be when you were little?

27.What is your best childhood memory?
Smoking cigarettes in the playhouse. No wait, that was BAD BAD! Maybe it was climbing trees and not having any real stress in life besides my mom being crazy and Dad hating me and all that.

28.Are you a cat or a dog person?
I used to have a Cat Stevens album, but then I decided I liked 3 Dog Night better. Yes, I said album, as in fucking vinyl.

29.Are you married?
If not then there is an Italian woman living in my house and sleeping in my bed that seems to think she has the right to tell me what to do with my weekends and I want this stopped.

30.Always wear your seat belt?
Ever since 5th grade when I nearly got run over by a girl running from the police who clipped the curb in front of Weatherly Elementary, slid across her driver's seat, and had to reach over and grab her steering wheel with her left hand and pull herself back behind the wheel, coming up the curb and within 6 inches of killing me in the process I do. If she had hit me then this meme would written by Tommy Garrett and say "ever since I saw this crazy girl slide across her car and run over Steve Jones"

31.Been in a car accident?
I'm convinced some of them weren't entirely accidents, but when the bitch is nearly 70 and playing the "I'm old and would NEVER ram someone on purpose" card, so I had to let it slide. I wasn't at all surprised when she said she was a retired school teacher. Pent up aggression much?

32.Any pet peeves?
Yes, Justin Timberlake sleeping with Jessica Biel!

33.Favorite pizza topping?
Jessica B .. I mean, Pepperoni

34.Favorite flower?
Self rising

35.Favorite ice cream?
Rocky Road mixed with Mint chocolate chip and spread over Jessica Biel's body

36.Favorite fast food restaurant?
Memphis has cured me of any desire to bother with so-called "fast" food.

37.How many times did you fail your driver's test?
I was so drunk, I don't even remember. But so was the instructor, so it's all good.

38.From who did you get your last email?
My boss, telling me the fantasy football automated draft has begun. Apparently I'm not even choosing my own players.

39.Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Victoria's Secret, 'cause I hear some of those models can be bought. Too bad Heidi is pregnant right now. She's hawt.

40.Do anything spontaneous lately?
Farted in the hallway. Does that count? I sure wasn't expecting it.

41.Like your job?
I like the fact that I have one. I like the fact that I work with intelligent engineer-type people again.

What's her first name? Are you talking about the Broccolis that produce all the James Bond movies?

43.What was your favorite vacation?
I don't know. The cruise across the Caribbean was cool. Ontario was cool. I mean literally, it was cool. No wonder they play so much hockey. Anyway, this past trip to Florida was cool. Not literally. I don't have a favorite yet.

44.Last person you went out to dinner with?
Justin Timberlake, because he said he wanted to 'talk to me' about this 'problem' with me following Jessica Biel around all the time. The only problem I see is that this turd is sleeping in my spot in her bed.

45.What are you listening to right now?
The Sounds of Silence

46.What is your favorite color?
Red, especially if it comes wrapped around a musclecar or supermodel or my penis in the form of supermodel lips

47.How many tattoos do you have?
None that I know of or consented to.

48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
Wait a minute and we'll both know

49.What time did you finish this quiz?
10:06 am

50.Coffee drinker?
Yes, but only when I need the caffeine. I don't care about it otherwise.

51.Favorite self quote?
That was no accident. THAT was a dive with a hook-kick to the groin. And THESE are the most powerful pain killers they're allowed to give me. They said it was because a separated shoulder is so painful. I said 'what separated shoulder? Do you see me holding my shoulder?' Apparently this bone isn't supposed to be sticking up like this.

And now for an example of why you should have listened to your mother when she said "I don't want you playing with that boy. He is NOT your friend ..."

You have read this article meme with the title Getting To Know You meme stolen from myself on Facebook. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...