The Three Meme

Remember the good old days when any time a blogger was having writers block they could just respond to another blogger's meme tag and post a wonderful meme for the day? Yeah, there was once a time when people read my blog and tagged me for memes and I usually responded by doing the meme. OK, I always responded by doing the meme. Every single time.
Well, I've been pretty swamped at work and I find myself with the choice of either blogging about my day from hell today at work or responding to a meme that Ute sent to me. I think I'm going with the meme. Today really wasn't fun so the meme should be more fun. At least, for me.
1) Three names I go by
  • Memphis 
  • Captain Morgan
  • Hey Asshole
2) Three places I have lived
  • Memphis 
  • Redneckville just outside of Memphis 
  • The Boondocks even further out from Memphis because I wanted to get away from Redneckville and Memphis both.
3) Three places I worked
  • NASA
  • Giant Memphis Shipping Company
  • Giant Alabama Bank from Hell
4) Three things I love to watch
  • A good football game (haven't seen one in a very long time because, you know, I'm a Cowboys fan)
  • Well written, well acted porn (OK, this doesn't actually exist, but some of the R-rated action movies in the early '90s were close enough. Van Damme had a knack for choosing hot female costars who were always gloriously topless before the movie ended.)
  • Stray dogs humping passed out homeless people downtown in the park
5) Three places I have been
  • New York City
  • Puerto Rico
  • To kings and queens, but I've never been to me
6) Three people that email me regularly
  • Ute
  • Cat
  • President Obama to inform me of the latest order he has given to Congress and to ask me to call them and demand to know why they haven't done what he told them to already.
7) Three things I love to eat
  • Pizza
  • Ice Cream
  • All my life's hopes, dreams and goals, apparently, after endless roadblocks redirect me or the people closest to me betray me which is why one day I will be one of those lunatics who drives their SUV through the double doors of a shopping mall and randomly runs over everyone shopping inside who had absolutely nothing to do with their unhappiness, before blowing themselves up. Afterwards the FBI will report that they found a note that said a bunch of weird, cryptic crap that makes no sense to anyone. The EPA will then use my horrific crime as an excuse to ban SUVs, claiming that it will make us all safer to outlaw "assault vehicles." Families will be forced to stuff themselves into "smart" cars which will result in a dramatic rise in highway deaths of entire families all at once when they are involved in horrific collisions with pretty much anything else, other cars, motorcycles, even deer or stray dogs crossing the road in front of them. And all of this will happen because of me.
8) Three people I think will respond
  • No one
  • Still no one
  • Seriously, no one
9) Three things I am looking forward to
  • The return of Cougar Town on TBS which they oddly scheduled for 9 pm Central time.
  • The day Jerry Jones dies and leaves the Cowboys alone to play without constant interference from their stupid owner.
  • The day my blog has 1,000 followers and I have a book I've written on the Best Seller List, which of course will never happen, but sometimes when I'm drunk or have a high fever I imagine that it's all true already.
I'm a super successful writer
So, there you go. Wasn't that super fascinating? If you want to do this meme on your own blog then by all means do, but let me know so I can come read it. And if you don't have a blog, but you have a lot of spare time, you can do it in the comments following this post just for the heck of it.
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