Thoughts Rolling Out of My Head

Sometimes the nicest people marry the total crazies and because they're nice, they'll stay with those crazies forever, which is just sad.

I wrote something over here in case you wanted to know. OK, 'write' is a strong word, but I posted a funny thing Ute send to me in an email months ago. Seriously, go leave a comment so people will think "who is this Memphis guy? He sure has a lot of friends!" I know it's a lie, but let's fool some people. C'mon, it's Christmas!

Not everyone who is hot realizes how hot they are. Take me, for instance ...

Ever notice how no one in the West ever protests when they stone men in the Middle East for adultery? More men have been stoned than women. Bet you didn't know 'cause Oprah TV didn't tell you. We need something like a male Oprah on Spike TV to yell about shit like this and demand that men march in the streets and burn stuff. I mean, we wouldn't do it because men just don't seem to get that excited about stuff, but it would still be cool to have a guy yelling on TV about it.

Antibiotics make you poop a lot, apparently.

According to the Wall Street Journal the only married women in the world are Pelosi and Clinton. All other women are called "Ms" regardless.

The truth will set you free. Or just piss you off. Sometimes you just don't want to know.

I'm freezing my ass off. Why does winter have to be so damn cold?

claire coffee
Does not belong in WalMart

Just saw a beautiful woman in Walmart. I told her "you shouldn't be here. All the attractive people shop at Target. Run! Run while you can!"

I'm the worlds laziest Jessica Biel stalker. She has to text me w where she is and what she's doing cause I won't follow her around.

I tried to love Jessica Biel but she got a restraining order to stop my loving her.

If everyone demanded peace, as John Lennon proposed, then we would fight over the definition of peace and who benefited more from it.

Didn't Pinnochio make you angry? Why couldn't he accept himself for who he truly was??

Jazz fusion is for people who are bored with music that sounds good.

In Cinderella II all the bitterness and rage poisons her marriage and the Prince becomes an alcoholic who avoids going home.

I can't believe Memphis lost the "most violent city" title to St Louis! Damn!

If Facebook suddenly ceased to exist would MySpace suddenly stop sucking?

In most US cities kids are taught to kick boys in the genitals. In Memphis kids are taught to turn their gun sideways and shoot them there.

Memphis kids get handguns and ammo for Christmas. Fuck Barbie.

There are so many things our Senate needs to be doing, yet they piss around w steroids and army sex instead.

Sitting in a doctor's waiting room is like playing Russian roulette with germs.

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