1. By what nickname(s) were you known as a child?
Flatulence Jones. After awhile, this name seemed too long to be convenient, so people shortened it to Windy.
2. Do you have a favorite poem and, if so, what is it? Recite it (or a snippet) here, please.
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini
3. What is your greatest regret in life, something that you failed to do that you wish you did?
I regret that I didn't put myself up for adoption. Perhaps I could have been taken in by some kindly family who wasn't batshit crazy? Who knows what sort of man I'd be today if I had only had loving parents instead of a pair of serial killers?
4. You are tired and hungry, but it's too late to cook. If any snack food were available to you, what would you choose and why?
Oreos and a glass of beer are kick-ass at 2 a.m. I don't really need the Oreos, but sometimes the cats try to get my beer so I throw Oreos to distract them.
5. What is the oldest item of clothing (not jewelry!) that you wear regularly and what do you love about it?
I still have underwear from back in college. Sure, it's got skidmarks and a few holes, but it fits me like a glove, a glove for my man-junk, and that's not easy to find these days. If someone could produce some quality underwear that fits man-junk like a glove straight out of the package then I'd toss my old college undies and wear the new stuff. Until that day arrives I'm wearing this stuff until it turns to dust and falls off my body.
Bonus (as in optional):Name a movie or TV show that changed your thinking or behavior.
The Godfather - it showed me that when you want to get someone to do what you desire, you simply have to kill a horse and stick it in their bed and they'll do exactly as requested. Life has been so much simpler for me since I learned this important skill!
And now for a video that's probably way too cool for my blog, but fuck it. Here it is anyway:
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