10 Things That I Hate

The following are 10 things that I hate, with no special rhyme or reason, no limits or boundaries, and no particular theme except that which emerges as I write it. Because that's how my brain seems to work, totally randomly and sometimes not so well.

1. I hate how much of my sense of self-worth is dependent on the opinions of my friends. It's more than just a weakness. It's a burden on their shoulders and it weighs them down over time. No one wants to be a burden. I hate that I can't just tell everyone to fuck off with their opinions and not care what anyone thinks. I hate that the cunt of the group is me.

2. I hate talk radio shows where you get 5 minutes of someone talking about an actually relevant topic and then 15 minutes of commercials and shit. I hate people who call into those talk radio shows and spend the first half of their time kissing the host's ass, droning on and on about "I'm so honored to be here and you have done such great things. Please let me suck your dick. blah blah blah." Shut the fuck up and get to the point or hang up. You're wasting my time when I could be flipping channels looking for some AC/DC or Metallica or something worth listening to instead of you telling the host how fucking awesome he is.

3. I hate smug fuckers who spend their entire lives following every stupid rule to the letter and then take pleasure in standing in the way of everyone who might want to step out and enjoy a little freedom or risk every once in awhile. So I want to drive 70 mph in a 65 zone. What's that to you? Get out of the fucking passing lane, you hypocritical self-righteous colorectal blockage! Yes, I see your fucking "What Would Jesus Do" sticker and I'm pretty fucking sure that Jesus wouldn't take sick pleasure in blocking traffic with his fucking Ford Crown Victoria land yacht while everyone else is forced to sit behind him and curse him for being such a selfish assdrilling homo. So you want to waste your whole life never having lived at all, eh? Fine, go do it in the fucking morgue and get out of the way of the living!

4. I hate political correctness. I am not a fucking "European-Native-American" or a "Caucasian-Cherokee-American" or a "white-male-middle-class-have". I am a fucking person, just like you and everyone else. And I am not part of "humankind". I am part of "mankind". For fuck's sake, 'humankind' has the word 'mankind' in it, dumbass, and the only people who don't like the term 'mankind' are man-hating cunts! We are all of the race of man, like it or not. Maybe we should be truly PC and simply refer to mankind as Hominina, which includes humans and apes. Or we could be like Sheldon on "The Big Bang Theory" and say "Humanoids." Whatever we do, I'm sure someone somewhere will find a reason to get offended and demand that we add a fucking hyphen or change it to something less and less meaningful until we have a word or phrase that means "pussies who won't stand for anything."

5. I hate news shows that try to double as entertainment. This is where our network news went wrong and has since gone straight to hell. It's worthless now. If you want to know about John Travolta's latest hairstyle (shaved) or what brand of suit President Obama is wearing today then by all means, turn on the TV news. But if you want to know what's really going on in the world you have to dig for it through various newspapers, websites, blogs, and radio programs. Heaven forbid that our news get rid of all the bleached-blonde, breast-implanted daughters of network executives and hire some old man who simply tells us the truth without a lot of jiggling or embellishing or screaming "there's a WAR ON WOMEN" like a fucking drunken lunatic. What would we do without all that? Why, we might actually have some idea of what's really happening, like they did in the old days when my dad was watching. We might actually make informed, rational decisions. Good Lord, we can't have that!

6. I hate reality TV. First of all, it's almost never reality. It's fake. Most of the time you can tell, even when you are trying not to. The game shows where they stick people on islands or in houses together and let them rip each other apart is real in that what the people do to each other is real, but the circumstances are not. The other shows, with Ozzie Osbourne or Gene Simmons or the rest are all designed to seem real, and bits of it probably are, but you can tell that this is acting to some extent and often the situations are even a total set-up. It's not all total shit. Sometimes it's entertaining even if it isn't real. But mostly its just annoying.

7. I hate Microsoft. And not for the reasons that most everyone else says they hate Microsoft. I hate Microsoft because they have so loaded down their operating system and their software with shit that wastes CPU time, doing things in the background that I don't want done at all, ignoring my commands or leaving me sitting there waiting for fucking EVER for the computer to respond, that I find myself increasingly dreading turn on the computer at all. It's a damn machine. It needs to do what I tell it do to the second I tell it to do it. Don't fucking tell me to wait while you run some process that I didn't ask you to run. My commands come first. Do what I fucking told you to do or I'll turn you off altogether. Stop wasting my fucking time!

8. I hate waiters/waitresses that come up to you while you're in mid-sentence and blurt out "is everything alright?" No, everything is not alright. Everything WAS alright before you barged up and interrupted me just as I was telling the fucking punchline to a joke that took 10 minutes to build up to, you fucking rude, crackheaded, tip-dependent, disappointment to your parents. And Lord knows you won't be anywhere in sight when I actually DO need you. No, you'll be in the back fucking the cook with your bare ass on the same counter where my food was prepared, which explains the funky taste, you whore.

9. I hate people who turn off the coffee maker in the middle of the workday because the pot is nearly empty, but they don't want any more and they are too damn lazy to simply make another pot for everyone else. It's the middle of the damn day. You take away my coffee and I will go to sleep on my keyboard. You get paid well enough that you can take 5 minutes and put on another pot of damn coffee. It won't kill you. If it's too complicated for you to figure out how, ask me and I'll teach you. If you still can't do it then clearly you shouldn't be in this building in the first place because we're all high-tech college graduates here, cursing Microsoft and shouting "Bazinga" any time we want a laugh from our colleagues because we're nerds like that. DON'T FUCK WITH MY COFFEE, DAMMIT!

10. I hate the cynicism that surrounds me. I hate knowing who is behind the curtain producing the big giant Wizard of Oz flaming head. I hate not believing in Santa Claus, man-made global warming, the 2008 Senate election in Minnesota, the United Nations, hope and change Obama, or the empty-headed twat anchoring the news. Life was easier when I didn't know what was going on. Life was more fun when I thought the best and brightest rose to the top while cheaters never win. The sky was bluer and the grass greener when I believed that bad people get caught and punished while good people are rewarded and encouraged, instead of the other way around. I grew up thinking that our nation's founding fathers lived heroic lives of triumph and happiness. Now I think they lived stressful lives of unhappiness and a constant aching feeling inside that someone needs to DO SOMETHING because I can't take anymore of this. I still admire what they accomplished, but I no longer envy them at all. It must have been exhausting.

So, there it is. And I must say, it is every bit as random as I expected it would be. I hope it was in some way entertaining for you. I should probably read through it before I post it just to make sure I haven't said anything horrendous which will fuck up my life and bring me instant doom, but I'm behind on a project and I have to get to it. So I'm afraid I'll just have to post it and hope I haven't fucked myself once again with my stupidity.

So, what are 10 things that you hate?

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