The NFL
So I sat myself down for a weekend of football only to be assaulted by images of grown men, macho men who pound the shit out of each other for a living, running onto the field dressed all in pink.
What the fuck?
You see, it's Breast Cancer/Domestic Violence/We Hate Men Month here in the Castrated States of America, and every single corporate CEO and President is so anxious to prove to the women of America that they aren't sexists like all those other guys that they've ordered every male professional athlete in the U.S. to hand over his balls and strap on a big, pink vagina before marching out onto the battlefield and trying to do what he was hired to do.
Wait, so how is this the fault of those misandric feminist lesbians that we all know and despise so much? How are you going to blame women for this one?
I'm not.
This is the fault of sociopathic, megalomaniac, narcissistic assholes who did and continue to do whatever it takes to kick and bully and murder their way to the top of their respective professions, and now they have this nagging conscience buried deep inside of themselves that keeps saying, "you're an asshole. You're a huge fucking asshole and nobody likes you."
These are the lawyers and politicians and other rich, powerful men who pay $1000 an hour in taxpayers' money to prostitutes whom they ask to tie them up and then beat the living shit out of them while insulting them and basically treating them the way they know that they damned well deserve to be treated. Only even in this, like everything else in their world, they insist on being in control. So rather than going to the people they have actually wronged, mostly other men whose lives and careers they ruined with their backstabbing, manipulations and lies, and apologizing like a real man, they choose instead to hire a hot girl, usually in her 20s, and let her hand out their punishment in the manner which they themselves choose. It's no penance at all, actually, but much like the act of forcing real men to march out onto the football field dressed in castrating pink uniforms, it makes these cunt bastards feel better about themselves and their lives of betrayal and selfishness.
Who's been a baaaad boy?
And isn't that all that really matters? Isn't feeling better the most important thing in life?
So what is so wrong about the NFL forcing their players and coaches and cheerleaders and anyone else working for the National Femmeball League to wear pink for the month of October? What's so wrong about 'raising awareness' for breast cancer?
Well, it's like this, despite the fact that virtually every single player and coach down on that field is going to get prostate cancer before he dies, nothing has been done by the NFL to raise any awareness or money for that.
Guess when Prostate Cancer Awareness Month was? It was LAST month. That's right. It just happened. And what did the NFL do for Prostate Cancer Awareness Month? Jack-shit NOTHING. Some NFL hall-of-fame players tried to promote prostate cancer awareness, but there were no NFL teams wearing blue ribbons, no NFL cheerleaders dressed for the event, no blue Prostate Cancer banners in any NFL stadiums. There was a big fat nothing. If they had just done as much for prostate cancer, or testicular cancer, as they are doing now with all the pink uniforms and banners and gloves and armbands and goalposts, there would be no problem. But they didn't. They were too busy painting the country pink.
And despite the fact that testicular cancer has been steadily and dramatically increasing over the past 40 years, affecting several high-profile professional male athletes such as Lance Armstrong of cycling and John Kruk of professional baseball, not one single penny, not one single acknowledgement, not one single effort has been made by these same leagues, these same team owners, these same billionaire men to do one thing about it.
Testicular cancer, by the way, which is an agonizingly painful cancer, primarily targets males between the ages of 14 and 40.
Oh well, those are OLD men, and they're just gonna die soon anyway. Why bother worrying about that?
The men most affected by testicular cancer are the sons and grandsons of the very men who refuse to make any effort to raise funding for research that might save the lives of their own children and grandchildren. They are the players themselves. They are the biggest and most loyal fans of the NFL.
Brian Piccolo, the Chicago Bear about whom the book and later the weepy movie "Brian's Song" was written, died from testicular cancer. You might think this would have gotten some attention and funding from the NFL for testicular cancer research, but you'd be wrong.
Putting all of this aside, ignoring whether its fair or unfair or who is responsible for dressing America's last remaining 'real men' in pink tutus and strap-on vaginas, I'd like to just say that its also just incredibly gay. That's right. You heard me. It's fucking gay. No one wants to turn on the TV and watch 22 300-pound, muscle-bound monsters beat the living hell out of each other while dressed head-to-toe in pink dresses.
Wait, I take that back, men like Vice President Joe Biden most likely would LOVE to watch something like that. But he's a misandric, self-loathing cunt, so he doesn't count.
So, to the vaginas who currently run professional football in the United States, forcing other men to surrender their testicles and run out onto the playing field dressed in pink, I say, "Hand in your genitals, all of you. You have forfeited your right to be called men." Hand'em over or we'll come and get them. And you know you don't want that because if we have to do it for you then there'll be no doctors, no drugs, no sharp instruments and no professional skill involved. Since you're so fond of making the men who play the game dress up like little girls, it's only fair that we remove your genitals and put real vaginas on all of you. And then we're going to dress you up in little pink dresses and ribbons and march you out onto the playing field where 11 large linemen are going to hit you as hard as they can, all at once, and make you shit yourselves in front of the entire world.
Nobody wants to see a bunch of NFL players running around dressed like Barbie. It's just wrong. It's just SO wrong.
No balls on this playing field
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cervical cancer /
gay team owners /
misandric monday /
misandry /
nfl /
ovarian cancer /
prostate cancer /
testicular cancer
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