It is the perfect weather for sledding, with several inches of solid ice covering everything and about one inch of snow on top of that. You could hear the kids' screaming before you even saw them on the hill. It looked as if the entire neighborhood had gathered there, with sleds of all sorts and a few hubcaps and carboard boxes to ride. The sled trains were my favorite to watch, with kids holding onto the sled behind them, intending to go straight down in an orderly line-up, but always getting spun around and ending up backwards and on top of each other by the time they reached the bottom. They always ended up laughing no matter how it turned out.
Despite the ACLU's fanatical hate-motivated attacks on Christmas all across the country, an apparently fearless man in my neighborhood has erected a very large sign reading, "Merry Christmas" on a small hill in his back yard, which can be clearly seen from the main road. We're all waiting for the ACLU's Gestapo agents to invade, but we're also waiting for the Justice Department to finally do its' job and charge the ACLU with racketeering for it's criminal harassment of Americans' First Amendment rights through endless malicious lawsuits. Maybe Hell will freeze over this year and the Justice Department will finally get off its' ass? That would be one hell of a Christmas miracle.
Can you say 'hell' and 'Christmas' in the same sentence or is that a sin? I'm not actually sure.
Anyway, I will confess to sledding the hill in this man's yard with nothing other than my denim-covered ass to ride on. Even though my butt was really cold for the rest of the walk it was still worth it. I had a blast and My Wife had a good laugh, watching me slide all the way across the street behind his yard and into The Park where all the kids were.
A lot of spots that yesterday were safely covered with a layer of snow have since smoothed out and only the ice is showing now. I fell on the sidewalk, landing flat on my back. Of course, I was kicking a block of ice along like a soccer ball when it happened, so I can't really claim total victimhood. Soccer and ice weren't really meant to go together. That's what hockey is for.
Somehow, walking on the ice along our usual route took us 2 hours. Perhaps because after the sun went down we found ourselves practically skating to get home? My Wife said her fingers were feeling really frostbitten and so I put an extra pair of gloves that I had in my pockets over the gloves she was already wearing. She said it wasn't enough. Her hands were hurting really badly. And somehow her hiking boots made a gash in the back of her ankle on one foot, leaving a bloody spot on her sock. Neither of us could figure that one out since nothing sharp was showing in the boot.
All the cold weather and hard sidewalk landings were quickly erased from her mind when we got home. We made hot chocolate and sat on the couch drinking it while watching Christmas movies on DVD. Ralphie got his Red Ryder BB gun again this year and My Wife got to curl up under a blanket with hot chocolate and our never-shy black cat on her lap.
Everything was perfect and tranquil until I farted on the cat. She usually doesn't react at all, but I guess this time it must have really burned her nose because her eyes went totally black and she jerked her head back as far as it would go. Then she flicked her tail and jumped down, hiding beneath the glass table in front of the couch as if she were mortally wounded. I tried to apologize, as best as you can to a cat, but My Wife's violent laughter made it seem somewhat insincere.
Cats know when you're laughing at them, in case you didn't know.
So anyway, all of us, except perhaps our cat, Eliza, had a great Christmas Eve. And now everyone is snug in their beds except me. Because I'm an idiot and I stay up all night typing on my Blog for no real reason. And it's really cold in the house right now. Although it's no colder than it was, so that just means I'm really tired and should go to bed.
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