Bonnie Blue's Imported Australian Quiz

Stolen from Bonnie

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Carmen Electra, waiting patiently for me in the summer heat.

2.When was the last time you threw up?
Probably the last time I ran a competitive race. It's been awhile, but I do tend to hurl at the finish line. I figure if you don't vomit then you didn't run hard enough.

3. What’s your favorite curse word?
I tend to use them all at various times. I don't like to give away my loyalty too easily so I mix them up and try to get creative. Is 'cunt-bopper' a word? That one came out of my mouth yesterday. I don't know what I meant by it.

4. Name three people who made you smile today.
I have not smiled today, but if Carmen is still in my backseat when I go out to my truck for lunch then she'll be the first.

5. What were you doing at 8am this morning?
Driving Carmen Electra to work with me.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Looking at sitemeter, thinking about all the hits from Australia, and worrying that I'm wasting the opportunity Steph has given me with her final post linking me and me being all down and depressed instead of feeling funny. How can I so badly miss someone I've never met?

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now?
Carmen Electra

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Yes, the girls love me there. Until I run out of money. It's a bit like dating really.

9. What’s the last thing you said aloud?
Turd monkeys can't fly, Penis Boy

10. What is the best ice cream flavour?
I'm not a picky man, but I don't like any of the strawberry flavors. If it's chocolate or mint or something along those lines then I'm generally good to go with it

11. What is the last thing you had to drink?
I haven't had anything to drink all morning. I really should go get some water

12. What are you wearing right now?
It's casual Friday. I've got on some jeans and a black shirt with 3 monkeys on it that says "be nice to me or I'll sic my ninja monkeys on you." As I said, it's casual Friday. Next week is naked Friday so it's good that I did this quiz this week.

13. What was the last thing you ate?
Cereal .... no, an egg .. no, it was Carmen. That's why she's waiting for me in my truck right now. Apparently I have skills.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
No, the ninja monkey shirt is about 2 weeks old. I haven't bought anything since then

15. When was the last time you ran?
Oh thanks for reminding me how lazy I am! I was supposed to run on Monday, but I was tired from driving in from Memphis. Then I was supposed to run on Tuesday, but I got invited to go see "The Dark Knight" and it poured down rain. Then I was going to run on Wednesday, but I was so tired that I decided to exercise inside instead. I had planned to run last night, but my friends invited me to go with them to Hooters to look at the girls and eat unhealthy food. Tonight I'll be on the road to Memphis again, so no running tonight either. And I need to run because I have to get rid of this gut.

16. What’s the last sporting event you watched?
Nude wet t-shirt wrestling at Hooters. We have an AWESOME Hooters here in North Alabama. They don't do this sort of thing back in Memphis. Well, they do, but there are usually knives involved and it's not really a sporting event so much as a big fight over some guy.

17. Who is the last person you e-mailed?
Steph of Australia, telling her how sorry I was to hear that her Nan has just died. Did you know?

18. Ever go camping?
Yes, and I had a wet dream while I was sleeping in the tent, too. You would think I would have done more of it after something like that, but then I dislocated my ankle and had to go to the hospital, so that kind of ruined the whole sexual experience of camping for me.

19. Do you have a tan?
I have a farmer's tan at the moment. I don't plan on cruising around outside without a shirt on until I do enough running to burn off this gut. It's a favor for my neighbors, really.

20. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
I drink Coke from a can, I use soda to absorb odors in the refrigerator or soak up toxic spills, Arm & Hammer that is.

21. Are you someone’s best friend?
I don't know anymore. This past year I seem to be more of a guy who gives a lot of relationship advice to girls much younger and sexier than myself. They say I'm always right so they keep coming back for more. Of course I'm always right. I used to be that clueless idiot they are trying to seduce. I know exactly what he's thinking. He's thinking "she's got nice boobies. I wish she'd take her shirt off and show them to me before she ties me up and rapes me."

22. What are you doing tomorrow?
I've been told that I'll be painting the kitchen and the hallways. Yay.

23. Where is your mom right now?
At her home in Alabama working a puzzle, most likely.

24. Look to your left. What do you see?
Do you remember those pictures with the dots that you had to unfocus your eyes in order to see the 3D image it formed? I've got one of those hanging above my desk. Other than a dry erase board it's the only thing on the walls in my office.

25. What colour is your watch?
Silver and gold - which brings to mind a little song from a Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer Christmas special on TV all of a sudden. Shit, that song is going to be in my head all day long.

26. What comes to mind when you think of Australia?
Beautiful happy women who blog and make me smile. A funny guy with a rich brother who seduces Swedish girls and takes naked pictures of them. Beaches. People shooting at kangaroos. Bogans. People calling trucks 'utes'. Vegemite on crackers with beer. Stacks on! Pickles on the ceiling. Beaches, beaches, beaches! Beautiful sexy smiling women everywhere you turn. Heaven.

27. Would you consider plastic surgery?
Sure, if it'd make my life better. What would you suggest?

28. What is your birthstone?
Mick Jagger. No really, I have no clue.

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru?
I usually just hit the drive-thru, but the wife insists on going in, so guess which one we end up doing?

30. How many kids do you want?
I'd take any that I could get at this point.

31. Do you have a dog?
Not anymore, but speaking of treating someone like a dog, have you seen the way they've been attacking Kylie on that Big Brother Australia board that she linked to one time when they were psychoanalyzing her? They've been going on and on for over a month about Kylie and sometimes Steph, too. That's not 'taking the piss out' of someone. That's just hateful and vicious. Sorry she dumped you, dude. Get over her. Move on.

32. Last person you talked to on the phone?
Jessica Biel called last night to tell me that she thought it over and has decided that she's not leaving Justin for me. Dammit, I was THIS close.

33. Have you met anyone famous?
Sure, but I don't yell and I don't tell and I'm always grateful as hell. Wait, you mean simply met them? Like no sex or anything? Oh well, I met Cybil Shepherd and didn't sleep with her. Steven Segal is around, due to his kid having a medical condition and St. Jude's Children's hospital being there in Memphis. I met some people at a film convention in Memphis. I can't remember who all was there. Jay Leno. Who else? I can't recall. Wait, Carmen is texting me ..... it's hot out there .... can she come inside with me ... geez, whiner!

34. Any plans today?
Work. Drive for hours and hours back to Memphis. That's about it.

35. Ever go to college?
I went to the University of Absolute Hell, got my degree, and left town to work in the field that was chosen for me. Then they shipped all the IT jobs to India and I have been trying to figure out how to take my skills and turn them into a job in Australia ever since.

36. Where are you right now?
In my office at work

37. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
So many things are wearing me down. I guess at this moment it's that bulletin board attacking Kylie and Steph and making me wonder if they had anything to do with Steph's decision to quit early. I will come to Australia, hunt them down, and kill them all if that had anything to do with it.

38. Last song listened to?
Pink Floyd's 'Comfortably Numb' came on the radio just as I was getting off the highway and turning into Research Park. Great song, but I really didn't need it right now.

39. Are you allergic to anything?
Most anything green that grows out of the ground.

40. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
I don't have that kind of relationship with my shoes. I wear some brown leather shoes to work and I have my tennis shoes ... these aren't even for tennis, so why call them tennis shoes? .. anyway, I have my regular shoes I wear. No favorite shoes, though.

41. Are you jealous of anyone?
Yes, the future Mr. Steph of Australia. Lucky bastard.

42. Who is your favorite actor/actress?
Well, since Carmen Electra is waiting to have sex with me in my 4x4 'ute' I guess she's pretty high on my list.

43. What time is it?
9:58 am

44. Do any of your friends have children?
Most of them do. I am a freak.

45. Do you eat healthy?
I was before coming here and having to eat what I can get. Now I'm having to run to try to get this shit off me.

46. What do you usually do during the day?
Work

47. How old will you be on your next birthday?
Older than I was on my last one by exactly one year

48. Have you ever been to Europe?
No, I haven't done that yet. Time's awastin'!

49. Name one thing you’d still like to do.
Jessica Biel

50. Favorite colour?
Red

You have read this article quiz with the title quiz. You can bookmark this page URL http://thebohemianbunny.blogspot.com/2008/07/bonnie-blue-imported-australian-quiz.html. Thanks!

Tuesday Titties, Pole Dancing, Animal Attacks and Assorted Crap

So it's Tuesday and as usual, nothing dramatic or exciting has happened to me. I did not take a whole bottle of Viagra in order to have sex with a hot brunette Australian girl named Kylie, I did not get hit by an Ex-Hooters Girl who was excited over Ohio State beating the stink out of Michigan, and I did not get a call from the Governor of Tennessee to tell me that he has decided to uphold the rule of law and submit a bill relating to criminalizing the use of the Taser for sexual torture or sexual assault in the state of Tennessee.



What I did do, as it happens, was to wear totally mismatched clothes to work today. Apparently there is a good reason that I like to pick out my clothes the night before work, rather than waiting until the early morning when the sun sits low in the sky, colors all run together, and I am barely more conscious or alert than a drug addict in a meth lab. My Wife does not grasp this, though, and harassed me last night as I was beginning to pick out those clothes. So I never finished. The result was that this morning when I arrived at work I noticed that women were looking at me funny, and not in a good way. The men, of course, didn't even notice, nor did they care. Either way, I drove home and changed because, being a genius, I already have the odds of GQ fashion stacked against me and can't afford to make matters worse by wearing colors that clearly don't go together at all.



There is absolutely no reason for the photos I've included here, other than that they gave me a big old boner and so I decided to share the wealth with you all. The photos, that is, not the boner. I mean, not that I wouldn't share the boner. It's just that most of you are so far away, especially those of you who are abusing the Viagra or who have a friend who is abusing it, and not a single one of you is particularly close by. Even the hot woman, who asked me to regrow the shaggy beard, which I had just long enough to take a single photo (that now appears over on Facebook), is 5 hours away. And most aggravating of all is the fact that right after I grew the damned thing, she disappeared into thin air. I haven't heard a word since Thursday.

What's up with that?



I don't think My Wife has even noticed all this new hair on my face. Or if she has, she hasn't mentioned it. Is that odd or is it just me? Then again, she's been battling an attack of poison oak that our lovely cat has apparently brought in to her. It's an annual gift, like FTD or something, and this cat seems to bring it to her with great love and affection on a regular basis. It's kind of a problem, though, because My Wife is deathly allergic to it and has a very bad reaction. Having a wife covered in poison oak makes sex virtually impossible, much like late night TV. Although there are times when even late night TV doesn't stop me. But it does make for some odd fantasies at that critical moment, if you know what I mean. You don't get to choose who is on the screen and it definitely does affect the old concentration. One time I found myself thinking about Adrian Monk's blonde assistant, Natalie, mostly because I was banging my face up against the TV screen and she was on there the entire time. A few weeks later she was clearly pregnant and I worried that it might be mine.



I'm not a big fan of wearing facial hair. I especially don't like doing it because it is such a cliche for a man in my field. It's like a geek's way of saying, "oh fuck it, I'm a total loser anyway so why bother." I'm going to have to find someone nearby, someone I trust, someone female, someone hot, to ask if this is the good thing that the woman who asked for it says it is, or if it just makes me look lazy and pathetic.

Anyway, I once had a college professor who was my advisor for a short time, who had this mangy beard and mustache, and he was a smelly, nasty loser of a man. I don't ever want to be him.

And then there was the geek in the strip club the night of my bachelor party who would wave a dollar bill in front of a girl like it was made of gold, then look her body up and down, as she waited for him to put it in her G-string, as if she were a new car or an animal at the zoo, all the while not smiling or looking her in the eye even once, before finally placing it in her panties with no more enthusiasm than a man paying a library fine. He was clearly a dickhead and wanted all the girls to know it, but that image of him and his beard making even the strippers want to jump down and beat his ass has stuck with me all these years. I don't want to be like him, either.

In short, this beard is on shaky ground. Unless some hot woman says she likes it real hard, it won't be here long.

That's about it, really. I'm working on reports that should have been completed a month ago, it's cold in my office, but warm outside, and my clothes match much better now than they did early this morning. Yay me!

You *MIGHT* Survive an Animal Attack!
	If you were attacked by a Killer Moth, aka Mothra ... you would win, but would also need to go to the hospital.
'Would You Survive an Animal Attack?' at QuizGalaxy.com

You have read this article quiz / random thoughts / strippers with the title quiz. You can bookmark this page URL http://thebohemianbunny.blogspot.com/2007/11/tuesday-titties-pole-dancing-animal.html. Thanks!

Fortune Cookie - or - I just, I don't understand

The greatest danger could be your stupidity

'What is your Fortune?' at QuizGalaxy.com

"I just, I don't understand." - Ross to Rachel when she told him she was pregnant and he was the father.

I don't understand.

I don't understand men who think women who are into both men and women are extra hot. What kind of idiot wants this? Is there so little competition from other men for the hot chicks that these morons want even more competition from other hot chicks and the occassional bulldyke lesbian? Who wants this kind of problem? Clearly these are guys who have no fathers to smack them upside the head whenever they think they've learned something wise from Mtv. Dude, it's bullshit. You're going to be the one who gets left out. You're going to be the one paying child support and alimony while she goes off with her hot girlfriend and your Harley and leaves you cryin'. And even if she does decide to go back to men, she'll have lost so much respect for you that she'll still dump you while she goes looking for a man who is man enough not to put up with that shit.

I don't understand why vegetarians feel compelled to yell at those of us who eat meat about how cruel it is. People on no-carb diets sometimes do this preaching, too. I think the lack of protein or carbs must make them crazy. People who drive Priuses also seem to feel the need to evangelize and wave their Al Gore novels around like some new Bible while screaming about global warming and shit. What's the deal with these wanna-be missionaries? Can't they find a church to go preach at? Why do they need to harass us in the office or during lunch hour? Did I ask you what you think of my lunch? I do believe I did not. Shut it, biatch.

I don't understand why squirrels are so attracted to my tires. I try and I try to avoid them, but the fuckers just run straight under my tires and get flattened for reasons that I cannot comprehend. The most recent one, I swore I had dodged, but My Wife was driving behind me and said the bastard ran right to my tire and then stopped and froze like a deer in the headlights. Maybe my shiny wheels act as a sort of hypnotist's coin or something? Maybe they have some sort of holy war declared on Michelin? I just don't know.

I don't understand idiot billionaires who wag their fingers and preach to the working man how we need to pay higher taxes. Dude, you make more in a single day than the rest of us make all year. Shut the fuck up before we light torches and storm your damn castle.

I don't understand why ideological feminists still act shocked whenever a man says he does not like feminism. What's hard to understand about this? If a Jew said he didn't like Nazis, would this be confusing, too? And they always try to spin it to the most exreme and ridiculous position to justify their arguments, claiming that to oppose female supremacy is to be anti-woman, as if everyone who believes in simple equality rather than the blatant misandry that is feminism is somehow against all women. Here's a thought, people who believe in equal rights, and not just equal rights "for women", are not called feminists. They're called egalitarians. People who prefer female supremacy and extreme misandry to egalitarianism are not 'pro-woman', they're pro-narcissism and anti-male. In case this doesn't register, encouraging women to be selfish and narcissistic is not pro-woman. It is introducing a destructive philosophy into their lives that will leave them lonely, miserable, and bitter without any idea why. It's pro-self-destruction. It's why Paris Hilton sleeps with a dog most nights instead of a man.

I don't understand why people who can't handle an SUV no matter how hard they try still insist on driving them. I've seen tiny old people in the biggest SUVs money can buy not being able to even handle a basic drive-through line because they had no idea how big their truck was. They drove it like it was a big 26 foot long moving van and might fly out of control at any moment if they didn't continuously ride the brakes, sending it lurching and leaping everywhere they went. If you can't handle it, get something smaller. How hard is this? And how much less stressful would it be for all concerned?

I don't understand why a man who has enough money to buy a nice BMW would instead buy a red Porsche with a manual transmission when he can't drive a manual transmission. Yes, I know you're in the middle of a mid-life crisis, but you're already doing at least 2 of your female team-leads, plus trying to get my former coworker to do you, which by the way ain't happenin'. And even so, you aren't satisfied. Sure, you can pick up more 20-year-olds with a red Porsche, but you can also either find one with an automatic or maybe just pay someone to teach you how to work a clutch. Good God.

I don't understand why so many upper-middle-class white women are voting for Obama while their male counterparts are voting for Hillary. Granted, I'm not planning on voting for either one, but despite my position outside of these two camps, I find this curious.

I don't understand why my brand new neighbor would hire the same real estate woman to sell his house that sold the house we just bought. Hey man, did you not notice that she took a full year to move that house? Did you not notice that she was never around and made no effort to move it? Do you not wonder about the empty box on the For Sale sign that is supposed to have fliers in it, but still has none after 2 weeks? Yeah, that's how she rolls. She's already forgotten about your house. She'll give that fucker away if you let her. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. How do you like my nice new house?

I don't understand brothers who put $3000 worth of rims and tires on their $1500 Chevy Caprice and then cruise with the windows down 'cause the air conditioning doesn't work. Do these fools ever truly get laid? Who is dumb enough to sleep with a fool like that? They must have weed.

I don't understand the current crisis in finding a Presidential candidate for the Republican Party. I remember My Dad trying to explain to me how the current party system inevitably results in the most idiotic and corrupt twats being in charge of choosing who gets to run for top offices, but wouldn't you think that if the whole country can look at them and say "man, you haven't got a single real man in the bunch, why don't you go out and get one?" that they might eventually pick up on this fact? Is politics like acting, where the biggest flakes and fruitcakes are drawn to it like flies to shit, but real men stay away? No offense meant to Brad Pitt and Bruce Willis, but most actor men are big homos and most of the men in Congress are, too. Actually, that's more true of the Democrats than the Republicans, but not enough to really matter much. The Republicans are just more closeted, whereas the Democrats have come out into the open and thrown on their prettiest dresses while their women wear men's suits and strap-ons and shave their heads. Seriously, where are our future leaders going to come from? We are so screwed.

I don't understand this current fashion of putting men and boys in bright pink polo shirts. Wait, yes I do. Ew!

I don't understand why we don't just legalize prostitution and tax it. Warren "fuckhead" Buffet says Americans don't pay enough in taxes and need to pay more in order to fund his dead wife's pet feminist social programs. I say we could easily collect all the money for that from taxing prostitution. True, the feminazis will be upset that men are actually getting to have sex without being arrested for it, but once they realize that all that money is going to fund their Federal War On Males anyway, they'll get over it real quick. Narcissists are funny like that. Money is better than morphine and ideals go out the window. While we're at it, seeing as just over half the members of Congress are regular pot smokers, why don't we just legalize that, too? I know this is a weak argument, but what the hell? We have so much else to worry over that arresting Lindsay Lohan for possession of pot just seems rather pointless.

I don't understand why we don't nuke Iran and then say, "oops, that was an accident" like Clinton did to the Chinese embassy after they embarassed him by revealing that he had sold them all our top military secrets. One thing I'll say about Bill, he had the balls to fire missiles at the Chinese when he felt the need. That's gotta be worth something. Seriously, that took balls. And a lot of inhaling beforehand. Oh come on, you know he was stoned.

I don't understand why the head guy is leaving "Criminal Minds." The show is a hit and he hasn't had anything so good since playing the Spanish sword fighter in "The Princess Bride" 20 years ago. What could possibly have led him to quit?

I don't understand why a warm toilet seat is so comforting to us all. It just means that someone else's ass was just there a minute ago and now you're getting their ass-germs all up in there.

I don't understand the cult-like fascination with Starbucks. It's just really, really expensive coffee. Seriously. And it's making you fat.

I don't understand why my new gym has started filling up during lunch hour at the hottest part of summer. People, it's over 100 degrees outside and not exactly cool and comfy in the gym, so why pick now to come in here and sweat all over the equipment that I want to use? Go back to being lazy and leave this madness to me.

I don't understand why there is a sudden flood of dead animals on the roadsides in these past 2 weeks. All of a sudden, from out of nowhere, we have dead skunks and armidillos and raccoons and possums everywhere. For 3 days a dead deer has been lying beside the road, looking perfectly fine other than being dead. It looks like Bambi's mother. I'm always tempted to pull over and take some goofy photo. You know, like with beer bottles and a cigarette and all that? Yeah, if I weren't heading to work I'd be the guy on the side of the road putting props in dead animals paws and taking their pictures. Seriously. You don't know how badly I want to do this.

I don't understand why Malfoy didn't kill Harry Potter in "The Half Blood Prince" when he had him frozen and just lying there.

I don't understand why anyone listens to Oprah about anything. Good intentions don't change the fact that she's wrong most of the time.

I don't understand why I poop more than everyone else, but speaking of that, I need to.

You have read this article quiz with the title quiz. You can bookmark this page URL http://thebohemianbunny.blogspot.com/2007/08/fortune-cookie-or-i-just-i-don.html. Thanks!

New Age Quiz Meme Thingy

I stole this from Siren. She didn't say not to, so I'm assuming it's OK. If it isn't, I may have to have sex with her to try to make up for it*. And if that fails, I may have to try again. Darn.


Answer the following questions with the first thought that comes to mind. Then read which each answer means.

1.You are not alone. You are walking in the woods with someone. Who is it?
Kate Beckinsale and she's dressed in black leather and latex.

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?
A squirrel.

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
He looks at me, then runs out into the street in search of my tires so he can throw himself underneath one. Why do they always do this?!

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe it?
Big two-story ranch house with big front porch. The woman who lives there with me loves me and we have a family.

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
No, wide open grass with trees along back of property.

6. You enter the house. You walk in to the dining room and see the dining room table. Whats on it?
Nothing

7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
coffee cup and I know I didn't leave it there. Wife must have used it in the garden. Dammit, we have a trowel!

8. What do you do with the cup?
Take it in the house and wash it.

9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What kind of body of water is it?
There is no body of water on my property. Are you forcing me to have one? Fine. It's a lake.

10. How will you cross the water?
A fishing boat filled with 14 other people who are drunk and shooting fireworks. The boat sinks and the DA wants to prosecute someone. Honestly, I don't want to cross it. I have my house and my property. Why would I leave it?


STOP HERE. Don't continue reading until you have your answers.

Ready? OK. Start reading again.


Here's what it all means:

1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life.
She'll be thrilled to hear that.

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.
Well geez, unless you live in Montana it isn't all that likely that you're going to encounter anything much larger than a squirrel. Not around here anyway. I would have answered Grizzly bear if I'd been thinking along these lines.

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.
I watch them run out in the road and get run over?

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.
It's a nice sized house, but I don't think it's big enough to do the job. Somebody please pray for me.

5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced.
I love people. Especially women-type people. But basically anyone who is decent and friendly is welcomed.

6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.
Perhaps. Or perhaps I am simply unimaginative.

7. The durability of the material which the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.
It is glass, like a coffee cup. How durable is that? Anyway, it's microwavable. So that should count for something I should think.

8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude.
Eh? What? I don't understand this at all.

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.
Bwa ha! Once they forced me to have water, I pictured it huge. How ironic. How frustrating.

10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.
Um, what? So what does that mean? If I swam it then I consider my sex life to be supremely important, but because I got in a boat, which sank, by the way, that means I don't consider it important? Or do I get bonus points for the sinking part? I guess I should, 'cause that means I had to swim eventually. And with 14 other people even. Hmm.


* OK, so she may not consider it sufficient payment for me to have sex with her. I realize this, but as this is my blog I thought I'd just pretend.

You have read this article meme / quiz / sex with the title quiz. You can bookmark this page URL http://thebohemianbunny.blogspot.com/2007/07/new-age-quiz-meme-thingy.html. Thanks!

I Have A Dream

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

I had a dream the other night. I don't recall what all it was about, but I recall walking down my driveway, out to my car, back and forth to the house and the car, and my father was walking with me and talking to me.

I can't remember a word he said. I can't even hear his voice anymore. Every time I dream this now I wake up and can't recall a word. It's good to see him again, but still strange that I can't hear him speaking or recall the things he was trying to tell me. I always listened to the things my father said, even if I didn't always agree. Now I can't seem to hear him.

Last night I dreamed I was scuba diving. I can't remember why. Somehow it seems that it was work-related, because I don't recall it being a vacation and there sure weren't any hot babes in bikinis with me. Anyway, I was swimming in and out of a sunken ship, retrieving something, I have no idea what. Sharks began to come around. They weren't attacking me, just slowly moving into the area and swimming around closer and closer. It didn't bother me until I surfaced and was preparing to get back into the boat. Once your head is above the water, you can't see where the sharks are anymore and you can't see what they're doing. There was a guy in the boat helping me and trying to watch the sharks. As he was looking down into the water at the sharks he said to me, "don't move!" But I ignored him and threw my mask into the boat before pressing myself up onto the back and jumping into the boat with it.

That was it. After that, my cat woke me up sitting outside the bedroom door meowing. She's doing this more and more now, ever since Booger Bear died. She's really lonely. She doesn't know where he is and she still searches the house for him. She seems scared, too. She saw me leave with Booger and come back without him. Since then she hasn't been bad even once, and she pays more attention to me than she does to My Wife. It's almost as if she's afraid I'm going to take her away for being bad and not bring her back. She was always the rule breaker. Now she never does anything wrong. Not one thing.

After I dealt with my cat and went back to sleep I had another dream. I was working in a gym. I know I've dreamed about this gym before, but I couldn't tell anything more than that. I was working with 3 guys and a girl and we had to pile a bunch of stuff into a Jeep and go to some sort of celebration. I can't recall what the celebration was for, but we drove that Jeep through the huge mall where this gym was located and through fields and mud and just basically went everywhere except where we were supposed to be. At one point we had to stop and stay in a hotel for the night. The next day we arrived at wherever it was we were heading. Everyone got out and got their stuff and we all went our separate ways. The job was over and we weren't going to see each other anymore.

So, after all of the activity last night, this morning I am absolutely dead tired.

You have read this article dreams / quiz with the title quiz. You can bookmark this page URL http://thebohemianbunny.blogspot.com/2007/06/i-have-dream.html. Thanks!

Hippie

As long as I'm admitting to being madly in love with Binsk, I might as well tell you, I stole this from her, too.

You scored as One Intelectual Individual, You're a thinker. You see things from a very different prospective than the rest of the world, and probably find release and self-expression in music, painting, scalpting, or any other form of art. People see you as a deep person, full of knowledge that they don't understand. People are attracted to that, but there's a good chance you don't care. New Age Hippie 63% One Intelectual Individual 63% Original Hippie 50% Not a Hippie 38% Earth-Child 38% Pothead 13% What type of hippie are you? created with QuizFarm.com

You have read this article binsk / hippie / quiz with the title quiz. You can bookmark this page URL http://thebohemianbunny.blogspot.com/2007/05/hippie.html. Thanks!

I'm A Cult Icon In A Speedo

Cult Icon Hasselhoff You are Hasselhoff, the Cult Icon. You revel in your enigmatic and confusing popularity � moreso in the positive aspects of it than the confusing or unclear parts. You are the shining star of the world: more specifically, of Germany. Someday, you will be featured in a ticker-tape parade. Someday! Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Apparently I love the sound of my own voice ...er ... keyboard, because even though I have nothing going on in my life worth blogging about, I just keep on typing. Sorry for that. I guess I'm afraid that if I stop talking, you will all go home and forget me. And then I'll be alone again. In Memphis. Where everyone is crazy and stupid.

So, random thoughts that popped into my head as I was sitting at my desk first thing this morning reading over the news ...


There's an article about a man in Connecticut who was wrongly convicted of rape and sent to prison for 18 years. They just now figured out that they had the wrong man, if in fact any man at all was involved, and so they've let him out. The state legislature, in a surprisingly generous move considering how feminist Connecticut is, voted to give him $5 million for his troubles, which include being beaten and raped in prison every day for 18 years. He was even wearing a cross when they talked to him and still they didn't spit on him or anything. Shocking. Just goes to show you that you never know how life is going to throw a curve every now and then, but usually the curve breaks towards your groin.

There's a story at the top of the AP: Top Stories list with the headline "Giuliani, Edwards report income." Yeah, very exciting. Except that I could care less. They both make way too much, which is way more than I'll ever have, so fuck'em both for that. Jealous much? You betcha!

The U.S. Senate, now controlled by the Democrats, are renewing their call for Gonzales' head. The problem is, he didn't do anything wrong and they can't seem to catch anyone associated with him misremembering anything, so they can't even imprison any of the peons for the "crime" of not remembering exactly. Witch hunt, anyone? Confess your sin and we'll go easy on you.

The daughter of Martin Luther King Jr died at the same time as Jerry Falwell. Leftists are throwing wild celebrations at the death of Reverend Falwell even as they continue to lament the death of their beloved Che Guevara and ignore King's daughter. As for the rest of us, life goes on relatively unaffected by any of it.

New York just passed gay marriage by judicial fiat. It's apparently all just a game. All laws are meaningless if no one holds judges accountable. I wonder who I have to bribe to get myself appointed as a federal judge? It sounds like fun.

Bleh! I don't want to talk about serious news. I'm scrolling down to the more interesting news stories .... hang on ....



Ah, here we go. "Mom drives son to rob jewelry store." Now there's a great mom! She just wants to see her boy get ahead in the world. And also, he couldn't afford to buy her anything for Mother's Day because his child support and alimony payments leave him utterly penniless. So, I guess from their point of view, if it's OK to rob him then it's OK for him to rob someone else, eh? Sure. Whatever. Works for me. I'm not a big fan of jewelry anyway.

Some highly artistic murderers in Tijuana Mexico murdered a man and then wrapped him in Christmas wrapping paper. This is so much more creative than the typical daily murders here in Memphis. They just shoot them and then run them over with their own cars in Memphis. Or sometimes they just throw their bodies into a ditch alongside the road, like they did with a 17-year-old girl earlier this week. Gotta love them Mexicans. They sure know how to kill a person with flair.

A Canadian girl, hitchhiking while looking for a man to rob, stole an old man's car after he gave her a ride, but then crashed it into a tree a few minutes later and died. That makes me laugh. Oh you wacky Canadians! Hey, anyone remember "Pee Wee's Big Adventure", where he impressed a gang of bikers so much that they gave him a motorcycle so he could continue his quest, and he rode off straight into a sign and crashed? That was some funny shit!

Hey, they don't mess around in Spain. A bank in Madrid repossessed a house after the owner failed to make payments. Then they immediately resold it. The new owners discovered the reason that the previous owner had failed to make the payments. She was dead inside the house, mummified even.


Ophelia "crackhead" Ford
Oooh, I nearly nearly forgot a news story from right here in Memphrica, since it isn't covered in any national headlines. Remember how I occasionally wrote about the crazed and corrupt Ford family here in Memphis? John Ford is on trial for corruption and was already convicted on one count. Tamara Mitchell Ford went to jail and got her ass beat, Paris Hilton style, and then whined about it on the TV news while the reporters laughed. And Ophelia Ford bitched and moaned that her family wouldn't "give" her a seat in the state senate "because she's a woman." And when they did "give" it to her, and she got busted for voter fraud, she complained that the government only busted her "because she's black." And now, once again sitting on her throne in the state senate, crack pipe in hand, she's gone totally apeshit crazy in front of the entire legislature and TV news cameras. She went off on a tirade that made no sense to anyone, bragging about her ties to the funeral industry where dead voters are found, and sounding like the lunatic "diva" she is. It was hilarious. I mean, honestly, all you can do is laugh. She'll get re-elected again and again now that she's got the graveyards on her side. Apparently, in Memphis anyway, once a person dies, they automatically become a die-hard Democrat and vote that way from then on. It's true!


Oh, and Wednesday night on CBS, as usual, all the bad guys were white males. I didn't even pay attention to "Criminal Minds" or "CSI NY" because it's no longer even remotely fun. I did glance over long enough to notice that Montana and whatshisface, Andy or whatever, jumped into bed together. My Wife said "YAY!" She likes Montana. I had to tape "Medium" so I haven't seen it yet. I think I may have missed last week's episode because from the ads for last night's show I didn't know what the heck was going on.

Hey, did you see the finale of "CSI" last night? Talk about finally showing a little creative talent! Who expected that? Then again, how the hell were we supposed to figure it out since they didn't introduce the character prior to last night's show? Either way, it was a welcomed change of pace. I had started to fall asleep during all the CBS crime shows because that whole "the white male did it" has been getting SO OLD.

Anyway, it's My Wife's birthday and I was supposed to have bought her a car by now. But then she put me off because we're looking at houses. This is the first time ever that I don't have her a present or even a card on her birthday. She says she doesn't care because she knows she's getting one of the two and possibly both, but I still care. I can't believe I don't even have her a card. I've got to find something up to the standard I've set over the years, which is high, and somehow find it here in Boondocks during my lunch hour. I think they have all of 2 stores that MIGHT sell cards and that's it. I feel so bad.

And also, I need to poop. Ugh! This came on sudden. Damn coffee diuretic!

Hey, look at this ...


Boobies!
I love me some good boobies. OK, impromptu poll here: are they real or fake? Vote in the comments 'cause I'm in a hurry and can't throw a poll together right now.

I wrote this yesterday, so if I seem unusually erratic in this post it's because I've combined two days' worth of erratic into one horrific monstrosity. Is anyone still reading this? Man, the poop is pressing its' advantage. But I'm a strong man and I can hold it until I'm done here. Yes, I can!

There is a remake of the old show "The Bionic Woman" coming out on NBC. When I heard about it, I rolled my eyes. It's just more ego in expensive clothes. Ugh! But then I saw a photo of the girl who is going to play her.


Is her Hu-Hu bionic?
OK, now I'm interested! I know, I know, it's going to be REALLY lame, like "Xenia," with lots of scenes of women beating up men and all but pissing on them while they're down, but even so, this girl is HOT. I'm betting the show will be horrifically lame, but do well in the ratings anyway.

OK, one last thing and then I'll go. They've opened a nude car wash in Brisbane, Australia. There's apparently a huge drought there and people are forbidden to wash their own cars. So you have to go to an approved recycled water car wash in order to get your car clean. Some ingenious entrepreneur combined his strip club business with his car wash business and came up with an X-rated car wash. Man, I LOVE Australia!


Cleanliness is next to godliness

You have read this article australian nude car wash / boobies / hasselhoff / ophelia ford / quiz with the title quiz. You can bookmark this page URL http://thebohemianbunny.blogspot.com/2007/05/i-cult-icon-in-speedo.html. Thanks!

Rampagingly King Kong Style

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

My Obituary

I can't remember, but I think I found the above quiz on Robin's blog. I may be wrong about that, though.

I'm at a loss today. I wrote something yesterday, but didn't post it. It's sitting in draft and will likely stay there until it no longer relates to anything current and then I'll try to post it. You'll of course look at it and say "huh?" And then I'll try to explain why my brain runs in reverse.

It's been hot. It hasn't even hit 90 degrees Fahrenheit yet, but already my body is complaining about the heat. And just as I was adjusting, it cooled off and rained all over us. Oh joy, humidity from hell!

In politics this week, I turned off the radio just as they began talking about the latest scandal involving politicians and a hooker in Washington D.C. I'm sure a bunch of Congressmen getting it on with a high-priced call-girl is exciting news for the truly bored and lonely, but it's old news and not really tweaking my curiosity right now. I just don't care. To be totally blunt, if I heard that George Bush himself had paid some professional hooker $1000 for a night of leather and lace I wouldn't be phased by it. Clinton did it, and so did Kennedy. Was Kennedy the first? I doubt it.

So, moving on ....

I've got a focus crisis. Or maybe it's a revelation. I need to start my workday with as much actual work and focus as possible. I'm finding that catching up on emails, while important in case I get a meeting invite or something, is also a major gateway to distraction, often leading from catching up on email to catching up on a Google search relating to whatever is on my mind (blue copper pipes) to catching up on your blogs to a day of unproductive time wasting when the whole distraction thing gets away from me. I can't have that. It's putting me behind my coworkers. Everything in IT is moving and changing fast, and each day I waste not catching up or keeping up is like a day of not studying in college. You'll pay for it one way or another. And I am.


"The other day I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
NYAAA HA HA!"
The other day, my boss made a comment about a local kid going to jail because of something he foolishly put up on YouTube - a video of him committing a felony. The boss casually mentioned that every corporation today does an internet background check on job applicants to see what they've put on the web. He said that just about anything you've ever written on the web is archived and sold as part of a background search service right along with the standard old background checks. He said just because you go back and delete something doesn't mean it's gone. It's archived and included as part of your file by companies that make their living on this sort of information.

That made me feel GREAT. If ever there were anything that might inspire me to delete this blog, that was it. I've tried to keep my blog anonymous, with no photos of my face at all. My unfortunate choice of URL addresses wasn't the sharpest move I ever made, but at the time I wasn't anticipating this turning into what it is. If I had it to do over I'd have chosen a URL like http://anonymous.blogspot.com/ or something like that. I may yet pick up and move this thing. Ya'll come with me, now, ya hear? Don't dump me if I move.

One time I did a Google search for myself to see what came up. Do you know what came up? Every HNT photo I ever posted. My ass was all over that Google search. Yeah, and those pictures came down in a hurry after that, too. It was all just supposed to be a joke. Can you imagine NASA or Lockheed running a background check on me and finding that? And from what my boss said, they very well may, pulling them up from some stupid archives somewhere.

Fabulous.

I don't know how much truth there is in what he said. I know it is a good idea to keep your blogs and MySpace pages either as anonymous or as sanitary as you can. But whether or not every little comment I've ever put on the internet is archived and brought up in background checks relating to me, I don't know. I don't even know where I'd go to find this out. But it's a disturbing thought.

I'm supposed to go to the gym again today. I don't think I have it in me. I know I need to go. The squat rack is calling my name. It's saying, "Memphis, you are a fat old pussy and you need to get over here and work out!"

Yeah, that squat rack always pisses me off with the trash talk.

Anyway, I have to get back to work. I know this isn't the most exciting post I've ever written. I mean, hell, I didn't comment on my morning poop here even once. But, you know, I can't be all poops and farts and bad drivers every day. Cut me some slack.


"Poops and farts and hookers and beer -
Sing it with me, kids!"

You have read this article background check / quiz with the title quiz. You can bookmark this page URL http://thebohemianbunny.blogspot.com/2007/05/rampagingly-king-kong-style.html. Thanks!