1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Carmen Electra, waiting patiently for me in the summer heat.
2.When was the last time you threw up?
Probably the last time I ran a competitive race. It's been awhile, but I do tend to hurl at the finish line. I figure if you don't vomit then you didn't run hard enough.
3. What’s your favorite curse word?
I tend to use them all at various times. I don't like to give away my loyalty too easily so I mix them up and try to get creative. Is 'cunt-bopper' a word? That one came out of my mouth yesterday. I don't know what I meant by it.
4. Name three people who made you smile today.
I have not smiled today, but if Carmen is still in my backseat when I go out to my truck for lunch then she'll be the first.
5. What were you doing at 8am this morning?
Driving Carmen Electra to work with me.
6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Looking at sitemeter, thinking about all the hits from Australia, and worrying that I'm wasting the opportunity Steph has given me with her final post linking me and me being all down and depressed instead of feeling funny. How can I so badly miss someone I've never met?
7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now?
Carmen Electra
8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Yes, the girls love me there. Until I run out of money. It's a bit like dating really.
9. What’s the last thing you said aloud?
Turd monkeys can't fly, Penis Boy
10. What is the best ice cream flavour?
I'm not a picky man, but I don't like any of the strawberry flavors. If it's chocolate or mint or something along those lines then I'm generally good to go with it
11. What is the last thing you had to drink?
I haven't had anything to drink all morning. I really should go get some water
12. What are you wearing right now?
It's casual Friday. I've got on some jeans and a black shirt with 3 monkeys on it that says "be nice to me or I'll sic my ninja monkeys on you." As I said, it's casual Friday. Next week is naked Friday so it's good that I did this quiz this week.
13. What was the last thing you ate?
Cereal .... no, an egg .. no, it was Carmen. That's why she's waiting for me in my truck right now. Apparently I have skills.
14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
No, the ninja monkey shirt is about 2 weeks old. I haven't bought anything since then
15. When was the last time you ran?
Oh thanks for reminding me how lazy I am! I was supposed to run on Monday, but I was tired from driving in from Memphis. Then I was supposed to run on Tuesday, but I got invited to go see "The Dark Knight" and it poured down rain. Then I was going to run on Wednesday, but I was so tired that I decided to exercise inside instead. I had planned to run last night, but my friends invited me to go with them to Hooters to look at the girls and eat unhealthy food. Tonight I'll be on the road to Memphis again, so no running tonight either. And I need to run because I have to get rid of this gut.
16. What’s the last sporting event you watched?
Nude wet t-shirt wrestling at Hooters. We have an AWESOME Hooters here in North Alabama. They don't do this sort of thing back in Memphis. Well, they do, but there are usually knives involved and it's not really a sporting event so much as a big fight over some guy.
17. Who is the last person you e-mailed?
Steph of Australia, telling her how sorry I was to hear that her Nan has just died. Did you know?
18. Ever go camping?
Yes, and I had a wet dream while I was sleeping in the tent, too. You would think I would have done more of it after something like that, but then I dislocated my ankle and had to go to the hospital, so that kind of ruined the whole sexual experience of camping for me.
19. Do you have a tan?
I have a farmer's tan at the moment. I don't plan on cruising around outside without a shirt on until I do enough running to burn off this gut. It's a favor for my neighbors, really.
20. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
I drink Coke from a can, I use soda to absorb odors in the refrigerator or soak up toxic spills, Arm & Hammer that is.
21. Are you someone’s best friend?
I don't know anymore. This past year I seem to be more of a guy who gives a lot of relationship advice to girls much younger and sexier than myself. They say I'm always right so they keep coming back for more. Of course I'm always right. I used to be that clueless idiot they are trying to seduce. I know exactly what he's thinking. He's thinking "she's got nice boobies. I wish she'd take her shirt off and show them to me before she ties me up and rapes me."
22. What are you doing tomorrow?
I've been told that I'll be painting the kitchen and the hallways. Yay.
23. Where is your mom right now?
At her home in Alabama working a puzzle, most likely.
24. Look to your left. What do you see?
Do you remember those pictures with the dots that you had to unfocus your eyes in order to see the 3D image it formed? I've got one of those hanging above my desk. Other than a dry erase board it's the only thing on the walls in my office.
25. What colour is your watch?
Silver and gold - which brings to mind a little song from a Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer Christmas special on TV all of a sudden. Shit, that song is going to be in my head all day long.
26. What comes to mind when you think of Australia?
Beautiful happy women who blog and make me smile. A funny guy with a rich brother who seduces Swedish girls and takes naked pictures of them. Beaches. People shooting at kangaroos. Bogans. People calling trucks 'utes'. Vegemite on crackers with beer. Stacks on! Pickles on the ceiling. Beaches, beaches, beaches! Beautiful sexy smiling women everywhere you turn. Heaven.
27. Would you consider plastic surgery?
Sure, if it'd make my life better. What would you suggest?
28. What is your birthstone?
Mick Jagger. No really, I have no clue.
29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru?
I usually just hit the drive-thru, but the wife insists on going in, so guess which one we end up doing?
30. How many kids do you want?
I'd take any that I could get at this point.
31. Do you have a dog?
Not anymore, but speaking of treating someone like a dog, have you seen the way they've been attacking Kylie on that Big Brother Australia board that she linked to one time when they were psychoanalyzing her? They've been going on and on for over a month about Kylie and sometimes Steph, too. That's not 'taking the piss out' of someone. That's just hateful and vicious. Sorry she dumped you, dude. Get over her. Move on.
32. Last person you talked to on the phone?
Jessica Biel called last night to tell me that she thought it over and has decided that she's not leaving Justin for me. Dammit, I was THIS close.
33. Have you met anyone famous?
Sure, but I don't yell and I don't tell and I'm always grateful as hell. Wait, you mean simply met them? Like no sex or anything? Oh well, I met Cybil Shepherd and didn't sleep with her. Steven Segal is around, due to his kid having a medical condition and St. Jude's Children's hospital being there in Memphis. I met some people at a film convention in Memphis. I can't remember who all was there. Jay Leno. Who else? I can't recall. Wait, Carmen is texting me ..... it's hot out there .... can she come inside with me ... geez, whiner!
34. Any plans today?
Work. Drive for hours and hours back to Memphis. That's about it.
35. Ever go to college?
I went to the University of Absolute Hell, got my degree, and left town to work in the field that was chosen for me. Then they shipped all the IT jobs to India and I have been trying to figure out how to take my skills and turn them into a job in Australia ever since.
36. Where are you right now?
In my office at work
37. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
So many things are wearing me down. I guess at this moment it's that bulletin board attacking Kylie and Steph and making me wonder if they had anything to do with Steph's decision to quit early. I will come to Australia, hunt them down, and kill them all if that had anything to do with it.
38. Last song listened to?
Pink Floyd's 'Comfortably Numb' came on the radio just as I was getting off the highway and turning into Research Park. Great song, but I really didn't need it right now.
39. Are you allergic to anything?
Most anything green that grows out of the ground.
40. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
I don't have that kind of relationship with my shoes. I wear some brown leather shoes to work and I have my tennis shoes ... these aren't even for tennis, so why call them tennis shoes? .. anyway, I have my regular shoes I wear. No favorite shoes, though.
41. Are you jealous of anyone?
Yes, the future Mr. Steph of Australia. Lucky bastard.
42. Who is your favorite actor/actress?
Well, since Carmen Electra is waiting to have sex with me in my 4x4 'ute' I guess she's pretty high on my list.
43. What time is it?
9:58 am
44. Do any of your friends have children?
Most of them do. I am a freak.
45. Do you eat healthy?
I was before coming here and having to eat what I can get. Now I'm having to run to try to get this shit off me.
46. What do you usually do during the day?
Work
47. How old will you be on your next birthday?
Older than I was on my last one by exactly one year
48. Have you ever been to Europe?
No, I haven't done that yet. Time's awastin'!
49. Name one thing you’d still like to do.
Jessica Biel
50. Favorite colour?
Red
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