Meme from MySpace - no telling who I stole it from

What color is your toothbrush?
Green, like my teeth

Name one person that made you smile today?
Linda the corner prostitute. And for $50 she can make you smile, too!

What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Linda the corner prostitute

What is your favorite candy bar?
I used to know a tall skinny blonde named Laura Myers. She always reminded me of a candy bar. I wanted to unwrap her so bad, but she said I blew it when I didn't do her older sister, Ginny, first. It's a long story. I should'a done Ginny. It was like some sort of sex screening process or something.

Have you ever been to a strip club?
Yes, I have my own skybox there.

What is the last thing you said aloud?
I think the left one is supposed to hang lower.

What is the best ice cream flavor?
Frozen call girl with Hershey's syrup. Those street corner girls get mighty cold in winter!

What was the last thing you had to drink?
Oh hell, you just reminded me how thirsty I am. How could I forget that?

What are you wearing right now?
Smiley face boxer shorts, ripped T-shirt

What are you listening to?
My fingers clacking the keys while the ceiling fan whirls slightly off-balance overhead

Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
3 pairs of denim shorts and 3 colored t-shirts. Linda and the girls said "if you rip it, you bought it" and they weren't kidding.

The last sporting event you watched?
Nude hookers wrestling. It's just what we do when little Elvis runs out of shake, rattle, and roll.

What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
Hot butter and salt. Why are there even any others?

Who was the last person that sent you a message on myspace?
Um .... Ashley and her Boy Brigade maybe? I've mostly only been going to MySpace to play the Hotties game, but lately I'm getting bored with that, too.

Ever go camping?
One time when I was in high school I went camping with some friends. Our tent was on the ground and I fell asleep on my stomach. I had a great dream about having sex with one of the girls we were camping with and when I woke up I needed to change my underwear. I need more dreams like that.

Do you take vitamins daily?
Oh hell, I knew there was something I forgot to buy at the store!

Do you go to church every Sunday?
Well, we went, but then there was some drama in the parking lot and we left without going in. Do you think God counts that as going?

Do you have a tan?
My penis is brown and tanned like a bronze god, but the rest of me is all pale and pasty. This is what happens when you forget to zip up on a summer's day in Memphis.

Do you like Chinese food over pizza?
Hell no! Gimme Italian food any damn day.

Do you drink your soda with a straw?
Soda? SODA? In Memphis it's called Coke, even if it's not Coke. And no, give me the bottle.

What did your last text message say?
I don't know because I don't have that phone anymore, but I was told it was really dirty and funny. Dammit.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Workin' in a coal mine, goin' down and down ...

Where is your dad?
In an urn somewhere. Mom tends to lose things so God only knows where he is.

Look to your left, what do you see?
Beef Jerky and I want to eat it up Yum

What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Steph and Kylie and sun and surf and blondes and boobs and topless Sydney beaches and Christmas with sunglasses and a tan and all the happiness in the world all the time!

Do you use chapstick?
Only on my penis. Linda says it saves her from having to carry it with her (She has no pockets in that outfit she wears)

Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
If I'm alone I hit the drive-thru. If I'm with some working girls we go inside and watch the high schoolers eyes pop

What is your favorite number?

Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?

Any plans today?
I plan to jog to Mathis Mountain and see how far up it I can run before I die of a heart attack.

How many states have you lived in?
It depends on how you define living, but I have had an actual permanent address in only 2 states, conciousness and unconciousness

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
All out of Viagra and chapstick

Last song listened to?
Lollipop, but I still don't like it. I just pretend to like it because the hot young thangs get down to it so much and I don't want them to think I'm out of touch. Which I totally am.

Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Yes, and every time I get pulled over I prove it. But they always Taser me anyway, those fuckers.

Do you have a maid service clean your house?
No, but if you're offering all I ask is that you clean in the nude. And also that you clean for free, because I just bought a car and I'm broke.

Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
I'm a guy. Shoes are just shoes to me.

Are you jealous of anyone?
I can't think of anyone, although I just heard that Miley Cyrus has almost reached a net worth of $1 billion. That kind of makes me feel a little envious.

Is anyone jealous of you?
Apparently so, judging from the constant attacks I've experienced throughout my entire life. Perhaps that's why I've become so mean?

Do you love your ex-boyfriend?
Boyfriend? Excuse me? I don't THINK so.

Do any of your friends have children?
Most do, although I guess it could be debated who is truly my friend.

Do you miss anyone?
I miss Linda, but she'll be back the next time I go to the ATM.

Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
I most likely do, but if I admit to it online then it could be used as evidence against me later on.

Do you use the word 'hello' daily​?
I don't ever say 'hello'. I say 'howdy' and 'hi' and in special cases "how you doin'?"

What color is your car?

Do you like cats?
I like pussies, yes. And dogs, too, but in a totally different way.

Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yes, with Laura Myers, my little candy bar girl, and her hot brick-house of an older sister, Ginnny, both of whom I failed to fuck, and for that I am truly sorry.

How did you get your worst scar?
A man and some nurses stabbed me repeatedly while I was lying on a table. Afterwards they made me push this little button on a machine that was supposed to make all the pain go away, but it never did. Then the man came into my room and ripped this long metal rod out of my knee and I nearly killed him. Then the nurses threatened to put something in my penis if I didn't pee soon, but I couldn't. It was all very exciting. Perhaps one day someone will make a movie about it?

And now for something ... um ... from Australia

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