As You May Have Noticed

As you may have noticed, my blog has been hacked. I have tried to contact Blogger.com about the problem, but they do not respond. If this hacking continues I will have no choice except to shut down this blog and go elsewhere.

If you know an address I can use to contact Blogger.com that they actually respond to, or a phone number, or someone I can punch in the face, please let me know.


Kat Parker - she's cool
I've been out of town the last few days. I went to Atlanta to visit CNN. I was planning to talk to my favorite new TV reporter and syndicated columnist, Kathleen Parker, because Kathleen long ago encouraged me to become a writer and I always appreciated that. In case you couldn't tell, I never got much encouragement in my life, especially not from my parents, so when a great writer like Kathleen Parker encouraged me to write I was extremely flattered. She has her own show now on CNN, Parker Spitzer, and I want all you guys to watch it. Yes, I realize I'm encouraging you to watch something on CNN despite not liking much of anything about CNN, but in this case I'm making an exception. Kathleen is worth it.


Anyway, it turns out that Kathleen isn't based out of Atlanta. She's in New York and sometimes D.C., so I didn't get to see her. Instead, Nancy Grace was there doing her news thing on live TV. Nancy is a bit of a male-basher. If you've read my blog for any length of time then you know how I feel about male-bashers. I wanted to slap her in the face. Actually, come to think of it, a woman I was with actually brought the whole idea up when she said, "My husband hates her. He'd like to slap her across the face."

So there I was. And there Nancy Grace was. And I had a powerful urge to do some slapping. But she was on TV and the cameras were rolling and it was all being broadcast live. And it occurred to me that if I ran onto the set and wacked her on live TV that might make it hard to mount a defense in court later seeing as the entire country, the entire world even, would see me do it. Also, there were guards with weapons around and I think they could sense what I was thinking about doing because they moved closer to me. So anyway, I didn't slap Nancy Grace.



Jane Velez Mitchell wasn't there at the time, either, or my urge to slap might've overpowered my awareness that I would surely be caught and arrested. I went right past her desk and had to suppress the urge to drop my pants and pee in her chair.

I spent several hours hanging around CNN. It was raining outside and there were tornadoes all around. Some homeless woman had slipped inside and was hitting me up for cigarettes while moaning about how she had hurt her ankle. Glamorous it was not. But what a huge building it was! And I know this because I went literally everywhere in that place. And it took all night.



As long as I'm blogging this, I might as well tell you, I'm trying to upload images of the CNN building and I can't. Do you know why I can't? Neither do I. I have to say, over the past year or more I have become more than a little sick and tired of having my fucking time wasted by piece of shit computers and the fucking internet and how damn long it takes to do any little fucking thing involving a computer and the internet just in general. I don't even like to check my email anymore, let alone blog, because of how fucking much time it takes. I actually dread trying to put together a new blog post these days, especially since I let Blogger sucker me into adopting the new editor they were pushing. I had hoped the new editor would make things easier and faster, but no, as usual the latest change to the existing technology is a giant fucking step back, making it harder and taking more of my valuable time to do what I used to be able to do in half the time.

I have grown to HATE computers. In fact, since I obtained a feature-laden cell phone and an iPod, my life has become a nightmare of technological problems. I can't make a call half the time because my fucking phone is frozen up and nobody seems to know why. Oh, it takes photos and videos and lets me listen to music and surf the net, that is, when its working. But half the time it isn't working. Half the time it's making me curse and scream and want to throw it out the fucking window. And don't even get me started on the trouble I've had with the latest and 'greatest' Apple software for the iPod. I had no trouble loading all sorts of music onto an iPod I bought for the Mrs years ago, but now that I have my own and had to download the latest software for it, nothing is easy. It's a huge pain in my ass and I have absolutely no patience for it anymore. I have given more than enough of my life to machines only to have them waste most of that time for me. And I am sick and damn tired of it.


Computer generated weather report

So, just to sum up, my blog has been hacked by fucking asshats from China or some such place. I did not get to talk with uber-cool Kathleen Parker. I did not punch Nancy Grace in the face, although I could have. I did not punch Jane Velez Mitchell in the face, if only because she wasn't there at the time. I have grown to hate slow computers just in general. I hate my cell phone because it is a piece of shit. And I haven't got even one song on my iPod because the version of the software that Apple keeps telling me to download is a fucking nightmare and I am just not that interested in the latest technology or the latest version of something that used to be simple to use but isn't anymore. If it isn't simple and it doesn't work intuitively then I have better things to do with my time.

And so do you. Why do we put up with this shit? I remember when I had to sit and wait for the damn modem to actually dial and connect. And then every blog was so slow to load. These days that's not the problem. The problem is that it won't load at all. Instead I get some stupid error, but without any specific error message. Or else I can't comment and have no idea why. Or it wants me to log in over and over again for no fucking reason. Or the browser crashes right in the middle of what I'm doing. Or the computer can't get online at all because the phone company is fucked up. Or the computer has a virus. Or the computer has been hacked. Or the computer is just a piece of shit in general. Or Windows is fucking with me and pissing me off. It's always something.

And meanwhile, I have a stack of good books sitting on the table next to me just waiting for me to give them some of my time. Every single day I find myself increasingly willing to just leave the computer powered off and pick up one of those books.

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50 Questions

* Stolen from Catch Her In The Wry



1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

Aaaaaaah shit.


2. How much cash do you have on you?

I'm not even wearing pants, let alone carrying cash.


3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?

Score (I'm watching porn)


4. Favorite planet?

Hollywood


5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

Kevin Bacon ... was in the original Friday the 13th??? Who knew???


6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

1940s classic telephone bell


7. What shirt are you wearing?

No shirt, no pants, I'm blogging commando


8. Do you label yourself?

Yes, I have a label on myself that says "Cherokee - made in USA"


9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?

God's 10 Toes


10. Bright or Dark Room?

The walls are nearly white and the lights overhead are long fluorescent tubes. It's almost blinding.


11. Did you do anything to celebrate John Lennon's 70th yesterday?

Sure, I listened to some Rolling Stones and said to myself "At least Mick never hooked up with a total douche like Yoko."


12. What does your watch look like?

It looks like a more expensive watch that I saw, only it isn't. My grandad the allegedly Jewish jeweler would probably be ashamed of me for that. Or else he'd appreciate me for being smart enough not to pay out the ass for a stupid fucking watch. I never really knew him well.


13. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Unpacking from the drive back to town and trying to get ready for bed.


14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?

"You fought as a capo with Sex Kitten"


15. Where is your nearest 7-11?

I don't even know if we have any 7-11s around here anymore. We have Circle Cs and Mapcos and places like that, but I think 7-11 is pretty much gone.



16. What’s a word that you say a lot?

Vagina - as in, Senator Harry Reid needs to man up 'cause he's a huge fucking vagina


17. Who told you he/she loved you last?

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I think I'm gonna eat some worms


18. Last furry thing you touched?

My penis. I guess I should trim that sucker, but I've been busy and he hasn't.


19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?

Do ginger pills count as doing drugs? If so, then one.


20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?

I've probably got at least one, but it'd be several years old and might not be any good anymore.


21. Favorite age you have been so far?

17 - I distinctly remember being 17 and listening to Foreigner singing "Seventeen" and being fully aware that it was a great age to be.


22. Your worst enemy?

We haven't met yet, but if we ever do it'll be the first and last time.



23. What is your current desktop picture (extra points if you post it.)?

It's called "Bliss" and the stupid search function can't fucking find it. I can't be bothered to do it the hard way. Fuck Windows.


24. What was the last thing you said to someone?

Fuck you if you can't use a blinker, you poor bastard who can't afford a Jeep that has functioning turn signals. Yes, I see you looking at me in your rearview mirror, you cunt.


25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?

A million bucks ain't shit in American dollars now, thanks to Obama. I'll take flying and use it to rob rich politicians like Harry Reid and escape by flying away like Superman.



26. Do you like someone?

No, I hate everyone. I'm a fuckin' troll under a bridge chasing billy goats is what I am.


27. The last song you listened to?




28. What time of day were you born?

6 or 7 am on the dot. I know this because my mom was pissed that I woke her up so early and she let me know it for years and years afterwards.


29. What’s your favorite number?




30. Where did you live in 1987?

Here



31. Are you jealous of anyone?

I'm jealous of my niece and nephew for being born with perfect abs.


32. Is anyone jealous of you?

I wouldn't think so, but I'm always surprised by the truly shitty people who stab me in the back over some petty jealousy I never expected.


33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?

In Memphis walking into work and thinking to myself, "this is going to be a shitty day."


34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?

If no one else is around I practice my spinning side kick.



35. Do you consider yourself kind?

Kind of a dork, yes.


36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?

I'd have the word "Oklahoma" tattooed on my penis. It'd just say "Ok" if I wasn't in the mood.


37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?

I'd be fluent in bullshit. Look how far it has gotten President Obama.


38. Would you move for the person you loved?

I already did. She wanted a house and I was happy with our apartment with swimming pool and weight room. We ended up in the heart of Redneckville hell. But we had a house.


39. Are you touchy feely?

I'm more grouchy steely with a splash of lemon-flavored vodka.


40. What’s your life motto?

No one gets out alive anyway so let's do this bitch.


41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?

Scars, handgun and well-earned cynicism



42. What’s your favourite town/city?

I don't know yet. I'll let you know when I find it.


43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

Stamp for a letter to God


44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

Yesterday, I wrote a letter to God and had to pay cash for the stamp to mail it. I thought I just told you this.



45. Can you change the oil on a car?

Yes, and don't think this means you can show up at my house and expect me to do it for you, either. I have 6 cars of my own to keep up with.


46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?

She has kids


47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?

Great-great grandad was a Cherokee and he killed somebody in a dispute over land. Grandma's ancestors were married into Thomas Jefferson's family and had apparently been rich at one time. To go back beyond that you'd have to talk to my sister. She's the genealogy buff among us.


48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?

Dress fancy? I dressed up as Captain Morgan for Halloween last year. Is that fancy enough? My sword was real and fancy, too. Bonus! After that there was my beautiful niece's artsy-fartsy, ice-cold January wedding which I videoed and still can't get the damn computer to burn to DVD so I can give it to her. I guess I was dressed fancy for that, too, although not as Captain Morgan. That might've been weird.



49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?

My heart, mostly. Sometimes the prettiest faces hide the ugliest people.


50. Have you been burned by love?

A few times I've ended up pretty sore. I guess you could say it was like a rug burn.

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Wicked Wednesday

Male Bashing Packaged and Marketed as a Video Game
There's a new female-only video game out. It's called "Hey Baby" and it's a first person shoot'em up game in which a woman walks down the street shooting and killing various random men for the 'crime' of speaking to her. The ever-female supremacist media is thrilled about it, celebrating the blatantly sexist nature of the game. The game is currently sold out, indicating that not only do a substantial number of women consider misandric sexism to be acceptable, but highly desirable and thus profitable as well. Expect a flood of misandric video games following the success of this one. Male bashing is easy money.



Pedro and Jose Live Longer Than You
A new study has found that in the United States, Hispanics outlive whites and blacks both, by several years. The US Congress, the single largest exploiter of illegal alien labor, has indicated that this is a non-issue and nothing to be concerned about. "As long as it isn't white males outliving anybody there is no problem here", a US Government official representing the White House said.



Obama Objects to Americans Fear of his Marxism
US President Barack "Daddy Warbucks" Obama is accusing Republicans of "fear mongering" and cites the American voters' overwhelming fear of President Obama's destructive Marxist policies as proof. "The American People are utterly terrified of what I'm doing to the economy, not only of America, but the entire world, with my progressive redistribution of wealth policies. I am the first black Robin Hood and I should be celebrated, worshipped even, for my great achievements and social justice policies. There is simply no excuse for Americans to be afraid just because I might be damaging the future of America a little bit."



Gay Old Republicans
Almost as if in response to the criticisms the Tea Party has leveled against the Republican Party leadership and its stubbornly out-of-touch policies, a tiny, but powerful homosexual wing of the Republican Party, the Log Cabin Republican, have successfully sued the United States military to end its "Don't ask, don't tell" policy for homosexuals serving in the armed forces. The lawsuit could not possibly be further out of sync with the views and values of conservative Republican voters. The lawsuit illustrates clearly the chasm of disconnect that exists between the voters and the Republican Party leaders, who have recently allied with Democratic Party leaders in a join effort to crush the Tea Party uprising in what can only be described as the most self-serving and short-sighted effort ever by Republican Party leaders. Tea Party supporters, should they ultimately abandon the Republican Party, would leave the Republican Party a tiny shadow of its former self, irrelevant and unwinnable in any future elections.



Peking Penis Pianist
An armless pianist has won the first ever season of "China's Got Talent" by playing the piano with his genitalia. "It's truly amazing to see," one noticably excited Chinese woman said. "I have never seen any man do what this man can do with his dingaling and dangleberries. I think I love him!"



New Zealand Not Laughing At Dikshit
A New Zealand television host has quit his job over a dispute relating to his mispronunciation of Sheila Dikshit's fairly awkward and obviously humorous name. "You can't tell me that her name isn't hilarious," the disgruntled host allegedly or possibly never said. "Any New Zealander who can't see the humor in this is a disgrace to our great nation and should pack up and move to America, with all of their ridiculous political correctness and pink fucking everything all over the place."



Flooding in Rio
Massive flooding in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, has prompted thousands of sleek, sexy Brazilian women to throw off their clothing and swim to work in the nude. "We are Brazilian," one anonymous nude woman said. "We won't let a little thing like water stop us from living our lives. We can swim like fish." The American Embassy in Brazil has reported a different type of flood, one consisting of American photographers flying into Rio to photograph the amazing spectacle. "I can't really blame them," Ambassador Keanue Reeves was reported to have said. "These Brazilian women are super hot."



Aliens Signaling Earth with a Special Offer
Australian astronomer Ragbir Bhathal claims to have detected a signal from the vicinity of Gliese 581g, the planet in the zone of habitability for life. He explained, "I have deciphered the signal and determined that it is an advertisement for "Girls Gone Wild" DVDs. I have ordered 10 of them so that I can study this new alien life form at play. It is all for the efforts of science."



Loonies On The Path
Yesterday in traffic I noticed a high level of lunacy and rage on the part of drivers. All I knew was that a cold front had been replaced with a warm front, my knee was hurting and rain was expected. I had assumed the hot weather following the cold was to blame. But then I read about the earthquake in Oklahoma and it made more sense to me. The worst traffic I have ever seen, with the most insanely aggressive and lunatic behavior, was the day before a major earthquake in Illinois. I was going to write another Loonies on the Path post about it, but I just never got around to it. So this is it.

You have read this article Brazil / Girls Gone Wild / Log Cabin Republicans / Loonies on the path / misandry / obama / Paul Henry / penis / Sheila Dikshit with the title October 2010. You can bookmark this page URL http://thebohemianbunny.blogspot.com/2010/10/wicked-wednesday.html. Thanks!

Secret Knowledge

I just spent an hour listening to a man at the gym with an interesting, albeit unhealthy, worldview. Let me lay it out for you so you can see what I mean.


All the world is controlled by someone. We're all just sheep. Oh, we think we're free, but really we're "debt slaves" to the government. The government is owned by a big corporation. This big corporation controls the whole world. It doesn't have a name, but it used to be the Virginia Trading Company. Somehow the Virginia Trading Company gained control of the entire world, including Asia and the Middle East, through the banks. The banks are all controlled by one central bank in England. The name of that bank is a secret. The secret central bank in England is controlled by the British Royal Family. Everyone in the British Royal Family is related to The Rothchilds. All the Rothchilds are Jews. The Jews control the whole world and make us all slaves through their secret central bank, which is in England, but no one knows where exactly or what its name is. This secret group of Rothchild Jewish English Royals all agree on everything and have been following the same central plan for thousands of years. This secret bank is thousands of years old. Probably King Arthur was an agent of the secret bank even. The Romans probably had something to do with it. It was probably begun by Methuselah or Abraham or something. Maybe Cain, because we all know what a cold-blooded bastard he was.

All political parties are subservient to this bank, so there is really no point in voting because it doesn't matter if you vote for a Democrat, a Republican, a Tea Party candidate, a Labour or Torrie or Communist or Green, or even a Nazi - because they all are willing secret agent servant slaves of the secret bank of Jews in England. Prince Charles is one of them.



But wait, there's more.


Even China, which we think is actually an enemy of the West, is just a slave of this Jewish Royal Bank which may or may not have involved Benny Hill and Rowan Atkinson. The whole Chinese navy, which is increasingly seeming to threaten the Pacific Ocean in an effort to take control, is just an illusion. All those ships belong to Benny Hill's secret Jewish Royal Bank of English Rothchilds. Even Pakistan, where we all think Osama bin Laden and the Taliban are hiding, is just a slave of the Secret Jewish Royal Bank of Mr Bean Rothchild. Even Russia and India and Pakistan and South Africa and Zimbabwe and Cuba and Venezuela and Colombia and Greenland and Timbuktu, are all slaves of the Secret Monte Python Royal Jewish Bank of Funny Walks and King Arthur.


But not Israel. Israel gets everything it has for free and pays no taxes to The Bank somehow.


And not the Vatican, because The Pope is secretly a Rothchild and a Jew and can do the funny walks like John Cleese and has been known to run around while saxophone music blairs Boots Randolph's "Yakety Sax" theme song from Benny Hill and people chase him, including nuns with large breasts bouncing and exposed and a bald old man whom the Pope likes to slap on the top of his head repeatedly.


And we, we are all sheep without minds of our own. We all believe, because we are fools, that we have free will and that freedom can exist. Everyone is a sheep. Even the Rothchilds and Benny Hill and Mr Bean. Yet somehow they run the world, following the wishes of their forefathers to the letter, without ever having an independent thought of their own or deviating from The Plan in the slightest, because this is how people are. We are all the same. We all think and act the same. None of us is capable of forming an independent thought or having a desire which might drive us to subvert The Plan for our own ends. No one in the super secret Jewish English Rothchild family has ever secretly wished to trick the others into giving up control to this one person who, for reasons which simply cannot exist, might think differently or view things in a different light or simply be a selfish, power-hungry ass.

In other words, there is no such thing as a sociopath or narcissist or personality disorder of any kind. There are no schizophrenics and no evil geniuses. All the Rothchilds and all of us are mentally mere clones without the capacity for thought or true desire or especially selfishness. Except that The Plan is purely selfish, a master plan of purest evil designed to keep us all enslaved to the super secret bank which has no name and is run by no one in particular and no one knows about.


Except for this guy that I met at the gym. He knows. He knows all about it. He has "secret knowledge" that he gained from reading some secret books. Whomever wrote those books was probably kidnapped and murdered because, you know, no one is supposed to know this stuff. And he insists that I need to read those books so that I can join him in 'knowing the secret knowledge.'

And here is where I see the biggest problem. Since we're all sheep and have no free will and the whole world is controlled by a secret Jew in a secret bank in a secret location in England, what possible good would it do me to know this stuff? What would I be expected to do with this information? If I have no free will and I'm a slave to this conspiracy, clearly I cannot fight it. Clearly I cannot beat it. If what he says is true, clearly there must be no hope in this world for any of us. That being the case, am I not better off being ignorantly blissful, drinking my beer and watching football and thinking my vote counts and the Tea Party is shaking up Washington DC and unexpected things, which we cannot foresee, do occasionally happen to alter the course of events, to alter the direction of life on this world?



To simply have some 'secret knowledge' that no one else has, yet do nothing with it, because the knowledge itself is that there is nothing we can do, is, to me, of no value whatever. It is a kind of circular logic that leads you nowhere and simply leaves you dizzy and filled with despair. It is a philosophy of misery and defeatism.


This is the kind of thinking that leads people to move out into the woods where they live in a shack with no electricity or toilets, eating out of tin cans and feeling proud of themselves because they have removed themselves from "the grid." Their biggest thrill in life is in knowing that the government doesn't know where they are and can't spy on them or tax them, largely because they have no money, and therefore, this makes them free. They believe they are better off than the rest of us, even as they sit in a tiny wooden box filled with the aroma of their own stink, much like a man sitting in a prison cell does.


Come to think of it, this is exactly the sort of thing Ted Kaczynski believed in. This is the sort of belief that led him to move out into a wooden shack in the woods and build bombs, which he then brought into town and mailed here and there, randomly murdering innocent "sheep" as a form of cowardly protest, apparently, of the fact that the other sheep hadn't joined him in living out in the woods in wooden shacks filled with misery, darkness and the smell of sweat and human excrement.



I don't know why it was so important to this guy that he tell me all this stuff. We were in the gym, presumably for the purpose of working out. But he didn't want to let me work out. He would get in my way and talk, talk, talk about this stuff. When I stopped making eye-contact and focused on my workout, he would physically move himself into my line of sight. When I looked down, he actually squatted down in front of me so that he would, once again, be in my line of sight and making eye contact as he shoved his conspiracy theory down my throat.

That wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that any time I tried to reply to him or ask him to consider any other option, or simply answer a question which I thought might be relevant, he would just ignore me and keep going. He wasn't interested in interacting with "a sheep", apparently. He was only interested in delivering a long, boring, conspiracy-laden monologue which I was not supposed to interrupt with my own thoughts or opinions.

You see, apparently he truly does view all other human beings as mere sheep. Thus, we aren't allowed our own opinions. It isn't Jewish Royal Family Pope Bankers thinking this way. It's him.




It's him and the freaky fat guy in this video here ...

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