A Few Things

Borrowed from shamelesslysassy.com in case you can't read

To the shirtless dude walking with your back to traffic along the side of the highway, using the painted white line like a tightrope that you oddly felt the need to balance upon such that you were halfway in the road - I just wanted to let you know that if you don't value your life then don't expect the rest of us to. What we value is our cars so mostly we didn't kill you for fear of damaging the passenger sides of our own vehicles. Me, I drive an off-road 4x4 and what I value is that big side mirror which nearly removed your head from your shoulders. Clearly you weren't using it anyway, but I do use that mirror so I would have been quite annoyed if you hadn't ducked.

Didn't care then. Don't care now.
Let it go.

To our own Congress and the special prosecutor whose only job is to hunt down and burn at the stake any and all athletes who have ever been considered heroes while using steroids, growth hormone, caffeine pills, allergy medicine, pressure chambers, tampons, etc - we don't give a shit who cheated in an athletic event and we sure as hell don't want our federal government wasting our tax dollars investigating it. None of these people should have ever been called to testify before Congress in the first place. What we care about is assholes in positions of power and authority who stole billions of taxdollars from us through Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and called it "community reinvestment" and hate criminals demanding billions to promote misandry by spewing long-disproven feminist lies while under oath and RACKETS like that. Go investigate Barney Frank or Catharine MacKinnon if you need something to do. Roger Clemens was a dick on the pitcher's mound, but he's not a criminal of any significance and he's definitely not worth the tax dollars being wasted on this bullshit.

To my brother - dude, people are telling me about this crazy neighbor who takes dead squirrels and puts cigarettes in their paws before propping them up alongside the road. Seriously, I get the humor, but after one or two times it's just odd. Your neighbors think you're weird. And then I end up telling them you're my brother and they look at me horrified. What's up with that?

To my own stomach and intestines - would you please quit fucking with me? The toilet is not my favorite place, despite the photo on my blog profile. I'd like to go for a 5-mile run instead of several windsprints to the bathroom. So long as you can't keep anything puckered up properly inside there I am limited to jogs inside the gym on a boring treadmill with annoying crap on TV simply because bathrooms are close by. Cut it out.

The REAL L Word

To Hillary Clinton - we are hereby officially changing your name to Narcissa. You are without a doubt the most self-centered, unrealistic, unreasonable, hate-filled, sexist bigot the world has seen since ... well, since Nancy Pelosi. Even if the Supreme Court does shove gay marriage down America's throat I know you and Nancy-pants won't get married to each other simply because you could never decide who is the man of the relationship. I'd like to lock you both in a pilotless jet flying to Antarctica with little spy cameras mounted inside so we could all watch you beat each other to death before the jet runs out of gas and crashes. You are proof that severe personality disorders don't necessarily stand in the way of career success.

To lurkers who take my blog totally seriously - this is a blog, not a diary. People who meet me in person and call me "Naked Steve" are invariably disappointed to find that I do not go around calling people "cunt" in their faces and throwing things while farting and taking off my clothes. I began this blog as an exercise in writing, hoping my skills would improve. They didn't, but I quickly took note of all the comments and emails from people telling me how much they prefer to read "Angry Steve" ranting and raving far more than "thoughtful but boring Steve." I responded accordingly, as I prefer having readers to not. Sure, I'm the Beavis and Butthead of the blogworld, and Google barely pays me anything for the few ad clicks I get, but it beats watching TV and cursing at the idiot news reporters in order to express my thoughts and feelings on the events of the day. If you're always totally sober while reading this then you're missing the point.

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