Don't scratch my balls unless you are a close friend, and not even then

puking pumpkin

So, I'm sick. Again. And this time I have no fucking clue what this is. I feel like I have the flu. But I'm coughing. And my throat feels like I've been gargling with gasoline every morning when I wake up.

On the plus side, I think this toxic sickness has driven the poison ivy right out of me. It just couldn't handle the competition. Pussy!

So yesterday I missed work, being sick and all. I had some important things to do, too. Today I missed half a day of work. I basically had enough time to wrap up a huge project, deal with some emergencies downstairs on "the floor", and update my status report showing that I have finished one giant mother of a task, but not completed another task I had scheduled to be done by today. Awesome. There's nothing quite like the feeling of walking into work to begin a new week and already be behind.

Infinity G352003 Nissan 350Z
Infiniti G35 vs Nissan 350Z

My nephew has bought himself a new car. He told me it is an Infiniti G35, but when I got in it, it clearly said it is a Nissan 350Z on the back, so I'm not sure what he's talking about. I'm a musclecar man, myself, so I don't actually care - Nissan or Infiniti - I couldn't give a shit. I mean, it's a cool car, and he's having fun tearing around out in the country as far from the cops as possible with his 270 or so horsepower. The car handles like it's on rails. And it damned well better with the ungodly expensive aftermarket rims and tires he's got on the thing, plus lowering the suspension. And he's got speakers in the trunk that point outward to vibrate the trunklid and maximize the enjoyment of whatever tunes he's listening to for everyone else in traffic. I can't say I'm thrilled about that, but as long as I know what car he drives I'll be sure not to put a bullet in it when he pulls next to me in traffic with his stereo thumping and his trunklid buzzing. He's a good kid, after all, and his biological dad was always a putz, so he does the best he can considering. And it is a fun car, which is the most important thing.

USA vs Ghana

I hear the USA was eliminated in the World Cup by Ghana. I'm not thrilled that we lost to Ghana. I'd rather we lost to Germany or Brazil. I mean, everybody loses to Brazil, right? But no, we lost to some shithole country out in the middle of nowhere where people have nothing else to do but kick a ball around and elbow each other in the throat while fighting for an advantage. And also, every ref from Africa has sucked donkey balls, so I'm not going to be cheering for Ghana in any of their remaining matches. Not that it matters. Brazil is going to stomp them if they should get that far, shitty refs or no shitty refs.

Al "Happy Ending" Gore

Former U.S. Vice President Al Gore is currently being accused of aggressively sexually harassing a massage therapist that he hired to come to his hotel room and give him a standard massage. He apparently is unfamiliar with regular, ordinary, legal massages and thus assumed she was a prostitute. She, not being a prostitute, but a regular masseuse, assumed that he was not a rapist, but a regular American former Vice President and thus left her pepper spray with the Secret Service agents who would not allow her to have it with her while she was with the former VP. Thus, she was unarmed and greatly offended and frightened by his alleged angry, aggressive advances. Apparently the Clinton Legacy lives on!


It has become evident even to the most militant of left-wing Obama supporters in the financial district that President Billy-boy Obama has absolutely no intention of doing anything to get our economy back on track. Some have even begun to suspect that he is wrecking it intentionally in order to return us to the time of Roosevelt and his Great Depression. Apparently President Obama is under the mistaken impression that "Great Depression" indicates that this was a lovely time of happiness and prosperity for all. Either that or he believes it was a wonderful time to be a Big-Government Marxist who exploits government-created suffering to expand and further empower Big Brother at the expense of The People. Either way, the market is reflecting this awareness as everything I own except gold is taking a giant dive into the shitter. Thanks Barry, you suck.


President Obama's latest pantsuit-wearing girlfriend, Elena Kagan, is currently lying her ass off in front of the United States Senate. "Oh no, I believe in the Constitution." "No, I never tried to prevent the U.S. military from recruiting on campus at Harvard." "No, I never shit on a copy of the Constitution at an all-grrl 'licking' party in Connecticut while high on meth and Grey Goose." Yeah, whatever. The one thing Kagan can't fool anyone about is that she is clearly the long lost twin of Kevin James. They could be brothers.

Jason Lee
Earl no more

Jason Lee, who played Earl on "My Name Is Earl," has a new TV show on. It's called "Memphis Beat" and it's partially filmed in Memphis. Hey, I loved "My Name Is Earl" and I've seen Jason in several "Mall Rats" films, or one. I really wanted to like this show. But so far it's just PC bullshit and boredom. Granted, he has a cool GTO in the show. But other than that, there's nothing. Not one damn thing of any interest to me. If I want PC cops I'll flip over to "CSI" or "Law and Order" or any one of a zillion shitty cop shows on network TV. No thanks.

nea sucks
"Great" meaning "shitty"

Our esteemed teachers union, the National Education Association, a labor union consisting entirely of hippies from the 60s and a few crackheads from the ghetto, has decided that it is imperative for them to send a message to all the children of the United States of America that having friends is bad.

Now hear me out. I know this sounds fucking batshit crazy, but keep in mind, this is America and ... yes, it's fucking batshit crazy.

You see, the thinking here is that kids who have friends, especially 'best' friends, form a sort of clique, sometimes only a clique of two, but a clique nonetheless. And all the fuckwads in the NEA were, not surprisingly, losers and outcasts who didn't have any friends, largely because they were misfits who were lousy friends to the few people who tried to be nice to them. Narcissists tend to be that way, you know, and narcissism is what modern American labor unions and most 'civil rights' groups are all about. It's most certainly what the NEA is about.

So anyway, the Education Establishment has deemed that friendship is bad and must be discouraged. So, along with teaching our nation's children that competition in which there are winners and losers is bad, and that gay sex and bestiality is good, they are now teaching our fatherless, aimless children that forming potential lifelong friendships with their fellow students is also bad, because lifelong friendships cause selfish, me-first, me-only cunts to feel bad about the fact that they don't have any real friends due to their view that other human beings are only there to serve as allies (partners in crime) or targets (victims.) Sociopaths often find it hard to comprehend real friends and true friendships because their personality disorder makes it impossible for them to be a friend except when it serves some alternate, and purely selfish, purpose.

Thus, the message our nation's schoolchildren will be learning in the upcoming school year, along with 'gay is good, God is bad' and 'if someone can win then everyone loses', our public schools will be teaching that friendship is bad and those who form close, healthy, normal friendships with anyone, especially a classmate, are to be despised and shunned, sort of like the Amish do to heretics and unbelievers, or like California and the Federal Government are currently doing to Arizona. In fact, exactly like that.

Angelina Jolie

And speaking of personality disorders, Angelina Jolie has a new movie out. She plays a CIA spy who is wrongly accused of being a ... get this ... spy and must spend the entire movie running around in tight black outfits beating up helpless men and generally shooting lots of guns in slow motion while doing gymnastics. I'm sure this will be absolutely nothing like all her other films or anything. Yep.

Alec Mapa
Not an Obama Czar

So President Obama has bragged openly that he has surrounded himself with more lesbians than any President in history. So fine, he thinks this is something to be proud of. I have to ask, then, based on this assumption of his, where are all the gay men in his cabinet? I mean, if he's so fucking awesome because he's "family" to the gay community, where are all the gay men with positions of power and authority in the White House? Aside from Joe Biden and Rahm Emmanuel I don't know of any. I think someone likes to brag that he's all "tolerant" and shit, but in reality he's only "tolerant" of lesbians whose votes he needs to get his ass re-elected. When it comes to gay men, though, Obama is a flaming homophobe. There, I said it.

gay obama

Speaking of gay, I was just watching the "gay and lesbian comedy jam" on Showtime. It had an old, old, OLD gay host, Bruce Villanch, who opened up the show with Cher jokes, which were pretty good, leading into 4 comedians, 2 gay guys and 2 lesbians. I have to be honest, the first gay comedian, Alec Maca, was hilarious. And the first lesbian comic, Sandra Valls, was pretty damned funny, too. The 2nd lesbian, Poppy Champlin, was also fairly funny. But the 2nd gay comic wasn't very funny. He asked how many people in the audience weren't gay, and then singled out one straight guy to harass and threaten with rape. Then he made fun of straight people in general, basically insulting over half his audience in a not funny way. Most good comics realize that this is a bad idea, but he seemed clueless. Oh well, 3 out of 4 isn't bad, especially considering that it was on Showtime, which usually just sucks.

Bruce Villanch
Gay Comedy outside of the White House

Speaking of funny, Geico has a new commercial out where they compare their level of honesty to that of former President Abraham Lincoln. Then they show an old film clip of Abe's infamously crazy-assed wife asking him if her dress makes her ass look fat. Abe stands there dead silent for a long time, glancing at her ass and looking uncomfortable. Finally, he says "perhaps a little bit" and she storms off in a rage.

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