Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.
Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.
It's the summer of 1957 and Harold goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Harold's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's mother answers and invites him in.
"Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" she says.
"That's cool."
Peggy Sue's mother asks Harold what they're planning to do.
Harold replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive in movie.
Peggy Sue's mother responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Harold and he says "Wha...aaat?"
"Yeah," says Peggy Sue's mother, "We know Peggy Sue really likes to screw. Why, she'd screw all night if we let her!"
Harold's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening.
A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with Her saddle shoes, and announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold escorts his date out the front door while Mom is saying, "Have a good evening kids," with a small wink for Harold.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her mother:
"Dammit, Mom! The Twist! The Twist! It's called The Twist!"
Grandma said
1957 - "Let the boys win. It's important that they learn to be confident so they can become men."
2007 - "Kick the boys in the nuts as hard as you can any time you feel angry. If you can grab ahold of them, crush them or rip them off. All men are rapists and that's all they are!"
1957 - "Try to be pretty and don't date boys who don't treat you with respect."
2007 - "Be a strong independent woman. You don't need a man. Fuck'em and chuck'em. There's always more where they came from."
1957 - "Dress conservatively. Don't be a slut."
2007 - "Girls have a Constitutional right to go topless in public because boys get to."
1957 - "A lady doesn't smoke."
2007 - "Don't bogart the doobie, biatch."
1957 - "Your granddaddy is a fine man. He fought in The War. He deserves our respect."
2007 - "Your granddaddy was a worthless sack of shit. That's why I shot him dead when he tried to leave me. All men are shit and will leave you."
1957 - "Women don't drive as well as men do, honey."
2007 - "Men shouldn't be allowed to drive. They're all idiots who can't find their way out of the driveway without a woman to direct them."
1957 - "A woman's place is in the home raising her children."
2007 - "A woman needs to focus on money and power. That's what life is all about."
1957 - "Be polite and respectful."
2007 - "Be the biggest bitch that you can. No woman ever made history by following the rules."
1957 - "Your granddaddy and I have been very happy together and we love all you grandkids very much. Oh look, Wheel of Fortune is on!"
2007 - "I'm happier alone. I don't mind it at all. I just wish you girls would call me a little more often. Sometimes I think you don't appreciate all I've done for you. Oh look, Wheel of Fortune is on!"
Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking ... into the future
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