Reality Check

Steph kissy lips
Oooh, scandal!

I just received an email that made me realize that sometimes I don't blog quite everything and frequently am a sarcastic smart-ass and consequently end up giving the appearance that things are different than they truly are, especially to those of you who don't know when I'm being a smart-ass or a dork. Usually that doesn't matter, as my personal life is much too boring to be worth giving all the details of anyway. But in this case, perhaps I should play it straight, just this one time.

I have wanted to go to Australia for a very long time. The more people I talk to who are either from there, or live there now, the more convinced I am that it is a great place, with a great future. I may very well want to move there. That is not a joke.

Steph hush
Marry you? For real? Whaaaat?

Steph is not actually planning to marry me. And I don't think she is actually intending to let me sleep on her couch, should I arrive there in Sydney and suddenly appear on her doorstep. In fact, I think she might freak out and call the cops if I showed up unannounced like that. She's a good person and loves a good joke, but the whole point of our talking about e-marriage and her e-divorcing me is that there is no such thing and thus it is purely a joke.

Steph curl tongue
Women want her, too

Clearly I have a bit of a crush on Steph. Notice I've never said that I "e-love" her. But so do most of you, and most of you are women, so how embarassing is that, you lesbos?

Kidding! I'm kidding! See how that works? It's a joke. I don't even actually care that some of you really are lesbians and others are bi or poly or rainbow pony princesses or whatever you want to call it. It's your life and this is just The Blog, a place devoid of reality, but loaded with curse words, embarassing photos, and sex stories, some of which may actually be true.

Steph no look bird
"Playboy called. I said I'd think about it."

Anyway, I love Steph. Clearly she is a person with a good heart, an awesome sense of humor, and the looks of a Playboy star. In fact, I love a lot of you blogger people. But I am fully aware that I am married. In the real world in which I spend most of my time, I have to deal with the daily issues associated with that real-world marriage before I go running off to Wisconsin to try to seduce TKW, or Texas for a whole host of women, or Australia or Canada for, again, a whole bunch of really beautiful women, or anywhere else, for that matter.

TKW hotdog
TKW - a really beautiful woman

Perhaps I shouldn't joke so much about being e-married to Steph? I was once e-married to Binsk, who has since dropped from sight without so much as an e-divorce or anything. Perhaps one day Steph will file an e-restraining order against me and I will be her e-stalker ex-e-husband. But all that will mean is that she emails or comments to say "ha, I've got an e-restraining order" and I reply "I won't obey. I'm knocking at your door right now!" It's like when you type ROTFL. You aren't REALLY rolling on the floor laughing. If you were, you wouldn't still be typing. It's just something you say in the internet world.

Binsk - Canada's most prized possession

I remember when I wrote about how much I loved the Dallas-Ft Worth area while I was there, and how impressed I was with meeting Kami. Some of you thought that I was getting it on with Kami and wanting to move there just for her. Rumors flew and some women called me 'asshole' because they thought I was cheating on My Wife with Kami. Well, I wasn't. My family used to go there every summer when I was a kid, and it felt like home to me when I went back there earlier this year. I haven't felt at home anywhere in a very long time. I've been in Memphis now for 12 years and it still isn't home to me.

Kami and clown
Kami - smiling despite the Texas Longhorns' performance this season

If I say I'm moving to Australia and I'm not taking My Wife, it would probably mean that we're getting a divorce. And that's personal. It has nothing to do with The Blog or anyone on The Blog. I'm unlikely to ever write much about anything as private as that.

On the other hand, if I say over and over again how much I want to see Australia, and I mention trying to get my passport, it just may be that I'm planning to go see Australia, possibly with My Wife, but not necessarily. And while I'd like to just pick up and move there, I can't quite do that just yet. If I get to go there any time soon, chances are I'll be right back again after 2 weeks because I own a house here and have a job here and moving to another country is generally not quite that easy. Sometimes you need to visit first. But this is The Blog. We don't always say what we truly mean. And we don't often tell everything. If we did, every post would be a mile long and who the hell wants to read that?

Steph bird
Not really marrying me
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