1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
Oh hell, I only get to blow up one person? Billy Mays, the Oxiclean guy, for obvious reasons.
2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
KC and the Sunshine Band, again for obvious reasons.
3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
TO, of the Dallas Cowboys, and AGAIN for obvious reasons.
4. What is your favorite cheese?
Why? You got some cheese you're planning to mail to me?
5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to mankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
Turkey melt.
6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Carmen Electra. Alternatively, you can check my list and pick most anyone from it.
7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?
Jessica Simpson because Texas women are the best.
8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
Pay the mechanic who is supposedly fixing the clutch in my truck. Yeeha.
9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Australia, and I ain't comin' back.
10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
Rent a place to sleep.
11. A demon rises out of Hell and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is...?
I don't know. Mike's Hard Lemonade.
12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
1955 and I'm gonna bang Grace Kelly.
13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
No politicians allowed.
14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?
The Big Show of Farting - it's all about going around in public places, like the opera or a museum, and farting. I might have guest celebrities do the farting for me, like Jennifer Love Hewitt or someone like that. It'd be fun.
15. What is your favorite curse word?
I'm an equal opportunity curser.
16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Throw them outside and go back to bed.
17. Your house is on fire! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the item?
Porn
18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Try to find my wife in time to have sex one last time. Knowing her, though, she'll probably say she's not in the mood.
19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
Penis of steel!
20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
The first time I had sex in high school because this time I'd be much more relaxed and it'd be more fun.
21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
Middle school, from beginning to end.
22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool stuff... you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin'! What country are you going to live in now?
Australia here I come!
23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
Flying Saucer
24. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude, check it out... I can FLOAT!"?
Whomever is first to comment on this post 'cause I'm a nice guy.
25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
Ava Gardner. She was a super hot nympho and I'm guessing she'd be grateful enough to ... um ... repay me.
26. The Gates of Hell have opened, and Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
Grace Kelly, 'cause it was so good when I went back to 1955 and banged her that I'd like to see her again. Who knows, this might be love!
27. What's your theme song?
She Fuckin' Hates Me
