Well gee, what's interesting in the news today? I can't think of a single thing.
Except, of course, for Tiger Wood's growing harem of hussies, hookers, and hustlers.
Tiger, the semi-black hero of American golf, mostly by virtue of the fact that he has some black in him, much like our current President, and also a tiny bit because he's exceptionally good at golf, has been held up to White America as a symbol, an example of Hollywood's mythical magical morally superior negro.
Yes, I know it's racist as hell. I didn't make this shit up. Drug-abusing Marxist movie makers in California did. Go yell at them.
So anyway, Tiger was held up to some pretty high standards. He's not just a great golfer, he's a god. He's not just good, he's perfect.
So, in response to these myths of the Superman of Golf, gold-diggers from all over came running.
Tiger had already married the wet-dream of most every red-blooded American man, Elin Nordegren, busty blonde Swedish supermodel AND identical twin sister of Josefin. Seriously, she has an identical busty blonde Swedish twin sister. She's a fucking porn fantasy come to life!
Elin
Tiger married Elin in 2003, after chasing her for 3 years, along with a long line of other single male golfers. He had now officially 'made it' in the eyes of every heterosexual male on earth.
You da man!
From the day of their marriage up until November 27, 2009, when Tiger mysteriously hit a tree while fleeing from his hot angry busty Swedish identical twin sister wife, Tiger was the King of the World. But when word got out that he'd been man-whoring around on her with some girl, and Elin found out about it, the King was all but dead.
Um, honey, why do you have my 9 iron - Oh shit!
Rumor has it that Elin went ballistic and ripped into The Tiger's face with her own considerable claws, before grabbing a 9 iron and swinging it at unknown parts of Tiger's body which may or may not have included his head. At this point, it is believed that Tiger grabbed his keys and ran for it.
For whatever reason, whether because Elin was walloping the windows out of the vehicle as Tiger was backing up, with Tiger subsequently swerving to avoid running over his angry wife, or because Tiger was drunk off his ass and barely able to control his Cadillac Escalade, he ended up smashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. Either Elin pulled him out of the vehicle and left him lying on the ground where a neighbor found him, or else he fell out of the vehicle and passed out on his own.
The scandal that resulted was enough to light up the airwaves. But that was only the beginning.
One by one, gold-digging hussy after gold-digging hussy came forward to announce to the scandal-craving world, that she, too, had fucked the Tiger.
Before long, there were enough women to form a new NFL football team.
Whether these women are telling the truth or simply seeking the spotlight, it hardly matters. The American news media is eating it up. Every day and every night the only story being reported with obvious gusto is the Tiger story.
In fact, even as I write this, the show I was watching has ended, and a show entitled "The Secret Life of Tiger Woods" has begun. But here's the thing: I don't care.
I know, I know, I'm suppose to be a big supporter of traditional marriage and the marital contract (did you know that if you misspell 'marital' it becomes 'martial'?) and thus get upset over someone cheating on their spouse. Yes, Tiger is something like one-fourth black and thus has been given extra love from our racist media, and you would think that this would inspire me to celebrate with extra Christmas glee when he is caught being a bad Tiger. Yes, his wife appears to have blatantly violated laws against domestic violence by assaulting Tiger in their home with a deadly weapon and I should be screaming for her arrest. Yes, yes, yes, I know all of that.
But I still don't care.
Tiger cheated on his red hot Swedish wife with a long line of hot women over a period of years. His wife found out and beat the crap out of him, landing him in the hospital. Now he's in deep trouble with his wife and sponsors.
Rumor has it that Tiger's similarities to Magic Johnson, the basketball star who bragged that he had slept with more than 1,000 women, were more than just coincidence. Tiger was going to Las Vegas and meeting up with Charles Barkley, pro basketball star who knows how to party just like Magic Johnson, and helped hook Tiger up with that lifestyle.
So I suppose there's a chance that Charles Barkley is at least partially responsible for Tiger's cheating and his wife's beating him up. He showed Tiger the ropes, or so they say. But I doubt the media is going to go after Mr. Barkley. He's never been viewed as America's King of Perfection.
Tiger is worth over $1 billion. His wife is subsequently worth at least half of that. I know they're suppose to have some kind of prenup, but be serious, this is America. She's a hot blonde female and he's a man. More than that, he's a man who is known to have cheated on her. That's all the excuses a PC judge needs to toss that prenup out. So far the word is that they plan to stay together and try to work things out. We'll see, I guess. I mean, whether we really want to see, or want to ignore it, the media is not going to leave this alone. So like it or not, we'll see how this turns out. But I still don't care. I'm just not interested.
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