Joe Biden is Retarded and other deep thoughts

I tried to watch the vice presidential debate, I really did. The more I watched the more I found myself convinced that Joe Biden is mildly retarded. He smiles a lot and he loves to point with two fingers, like he's making an imaginary gun and shooting at people. Given Joe Biden's IQ it is entirely possible that he was imagining he was doing exactly that.

I saw an ad for the LMN network and several of its shows and movies. The ad was a series of scenes in which various different angry white women violently sexually assaulted random men no one will ever see in any other movies or programs ever again, which is likely why they ended up doing such demeaning roles in the first place. While watching the barrage of angry feminist misandry I tried to imagine a men's TV network that featured equivalent programming. It would feature nothing but programs in which angry gay men went around violently raping white women and we were supposed to cheer for the rapists. Sure it makes no sense, but that only helped to clarify for me just how completely stupid and offensive the LMN channel truly is.

Christina Applegate is going to be hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend. I strongly encourage you to watch. She's a riot. Plus, she's smokin' hot.

A friend of mine bought one of those new incredibly tiny iPods. I can't seem to remember what the hell they're called so I'm calling it the iPod Booger. Somehow I can remember that without any problem. I'm actually considering buying one.

A few hard-core left-wing news media personalities have recently begun criticizing Barack Obama. I had to rewind and watch it again several times on YouTube to believe it. After that I started to believe that anything might be possible. Tonight I'm going out after dark and hunting for unicorns.

After seeing the incredibly rapid success of a fellow blogger who began writing and publishing her own books I thought I might try to do the same. But after 10 chapters of Red Riding Hood I realized that writing serious books is hard. So I've decided instead to write a series of children's books about farts. I mean, come on, who knows more about farts than me?

Tomorrow I'm taking my brand new, shiny, unscratched, still-has-that-new-car smell car out in the rain for a 225 mile drive despite the fact that all week long everyone in traffic has been totally nuts. Yeah, that's right, who's the crazy one now, bitches?!

I think I like the NBC show Animal Practice, but only because Joanna Garcia is hot and funny, sort of like Christina Applegate, but younger and partly Latin.

I think half my coworkers are gay, and by that I mean they are just too fucking happy all the time. I don't actually know about their sexual habits, nor do I care.

OK, time for me to go to bed. Have a happy weekend!

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Random Ramblings

Cerie Xerox - word's hottest intern

I hate that the show 30 Rock is ending. That is a great, funny show! I don't know why they've decided to end it, but I guess Tina Fey has a family and other things she wants to do. She's probably looking to move on to other projects. I'll probably buy the DVDs of this show so I can watch them whenever I want. Mostly I just want to be able to see Cerie Xerox, the sexy intern played by Katrina Bowden. But I might miss the rest of the cast, too, or at least the jokes.

Mostly zinger-free

I watched the first Presidential debate. I hadn't planned to, but somehow I ended up spending my entire evening cleaning and watching the debates. Or rather the debates were going in the background and I sort of paid attention to them. My overall impression was that neither candidate did badly. Neither candidate crushed the other. I heard a lot of talk afterwards about 'zingers' but I didn't hear anything either candidate said that really struck me as a winning slam. Obama didn't seem badly affected by the lack of a teleprompter like people said he would. Romney never got off his game or upset. Neither one of them ever seemed to get rattled. In short, it was pretty boring. But at least they were able to lay out some clear differences between them for the people who haven't paid the slightest bit of attention for the past year. Maybe this will help.

Christina Applegate - fails to grow noticeably older

I just saw Christina Applegate on the Tonight Show. She's like, what, 45? She's had a kid. She said her kid is 2 now. And she looks as good as she ever did, as if she could go straight back to the set of Married With Children and play Kelly Bundy and no one would realize she had gotten older. How the hell does she do that? I read that her mom was a model and her dad a soap opera star or something like that. Apparently both her parents are good looking, so her DNA is solid gold. So unfair.

Marisa Miller - authentic Harley owner

When I was a little kid, my dad used to get up at 5 a.m. on Saturday and take his Harley out to ride. He'd be gone the entire day and come home at night. Sunday morning he'd do it again. We didn't see him much on weekends except when there was something around the house that needed to be fixed, like the timing chain in Mom's car or something. He tried to describe for me what it was about that long ride alone that appealed to him. I didn't understand. But now that I'm older I do. And I can't explain it either.

Toot!

High protein diets cause stinky farts, so if you're taking tons of it to supplement your workout diet then you get deadly farts. That's one of the ironies of bodybuilding - perfect appearance, but face-melting gas.

Wuzzup?

Black guys always seem to want whatever type of car the police are driving. What's up with that?

Stop it!

Please stop saying "whatevs." It is so fucking annoying. It's almost as annoying as the endless drama that surrounds you and your addiction to Facebook. By the way, you probably shouldn't talk about the fact that you're deeply involved in a Facebook argument while at work. It tells people that you're deeply involved in Facebooking on company time. And you're using the company's computer to do it, too. Get a smartphone or something.

You know you want this!

There's an article out, straight from GLAAD, declaring that there are a record number of homosexuals on TV this season playing characters in virtually every major network television show. They're very happy about this and admit that they are the reason it has happened. What I find most interesting is the fact that advertisement funding-driven networks have done this despite the complete and total lack of any significant viewer bloc asking for it. Quite the opposite, in fact, over 70 percent of Americans have consistently indicated that they are not on-board with this. And yet Corporate America once again declares that politics trumps customer satisfaction. Peter Drucker would spin in his grave at the pure managerial incompetence of it. Meanwhile, those same networks routinely bitch and complain that their audience share keeps falling year after year, just like the newspapers, magazines and recording companies who did likewise, and are now mostly defunct. Perhaps this is the real reason that Leftists hate capitalism so much? Because it keeps crushing their unwanted and unwelcomed religious crusades with inevitable bankruptcy.

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