VIPs in Memphis

It's a busy day in Memphis today. President Bush has brought Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi to visit Graceland. Lisa Marie and Priscilla have shown up to show them around. It's rather disturbing when the leader of a major country is an Elvis fanatic. Although I could see using this as purely an excuse to hit on Priscilla. She's a hottie.

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The New State Church

It's Gay Power Month across the world, apparently.
And so, without further adieu I bring you

Photos of Interest:


Margaret Kaiser, candidate for state legislature,
campaigns at the Gay Power Parade in Atlanta GA.
"I'm gay, I swear. Can't you tell? Just look at me!"


Jeanine Pirro, Republican candidate for New York State Attorney General,
campaigns at Gay Power Parade in New York City.
"Some of my best friends are gay!"


Italian "Equal Opportunity" Minister Barbara Pollastrini, center,
with Piedmont Region President, Mercedes Bresso,
and regional councilor, Guiliana Manica,
in Turin, Italy at the Gay Power Parade.
"We all have stink breath."


The Communist Party of Paris has always been very, very gay!


Persia Kyttyn, claiming to be Miss Tennessee Valley,
looking rough at the Atlanta Gay Power Parade.
"I'm sooooo drunk!"


Gay Brazilian "women"
- not so pretty -


Gay French women
- not so pretty either -


Future brides in El Salvador
- a plethora of unattractiveness! -


"Religion of Piece" in Rome


Transvestite Roman nun


The Pope is not allowed in Valencia


Baal is back and ready to party in Lisbon!


He's French.
That's really all there is to say about this.


New York City
Either a very gay Native American or a former Village People member


Gay Atlanta womyn
discussing a sale on comfortable shoes and leather goods
- seriously -


Gay New York pigeon


Kevin, the gay New York cowboy


Cecilia, the gay peacock, in San Francisco.
Notice the sign that says "Beale" in the upper right.
I thought Beale Street was in Memphis?

_________

Work is keeping me busy.
And I can't seem to come up with anything today.
But who needs to be creative when the press keeps putting out photos like these?

But wait, I think PETA has some new photos up, too!
Maybe I'll post those tomorrow?

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Punched Preacher Prays for Puncher

Modified for parody because this annoyed me, by Memphis Steve


TULSA, Okla. - A preacher who was punched in the face during a church service met with his alleged assailant, saying he wanted to pray for him.

The Rev. Billy Joe Daugherty, a man whose name is so Southern that his birth certificate has a rebel flag on it, said Tuesday that Steven Wayne Rogers showed no remorse and offered no apology during their meeting at the Tulsa Jail.

"He said he'd do whatever he wants, to whomever he wants, whenever he wants," Daugherty said.

Experts in criminal behavioral psychology indicate that forgiving a man with a viewpoint such as this is the worst possible thing you can do.

"Anyone who views the world in this manner is a cold blooded psychopath and needs to be imprisoned for the rest of their lives," self-appointed super expert Memphis Steve stated. "He likely picks on preachers because they misunderstand his reasons, thinking he is persecuting them for being Christians, and thus fail to press charges. He's persecuting them for being easy targets, not Christians. He will not stop until the Department of Justice nails him for having committed a hate crime, but they won't do it because Christians are specifically excluded from protections by these laws."

Rogers, 50, was identified as the asshole who came forward during an altar call near the end of Sunday's Victory Christian Center service, motioned for Daugherty to approach and then hit Daugherty twice, opening a cut above Daugherty's eye that required two stitches.

The episode was videotaped as part of the service and broadcast on TV news shows, jacking up ratings to an all-time high.

"I had just told the (biblical) story of Paul and Silas being beaten and thrown into jail (by the authorities, not a random psycho)," said Daugherty, whose church is one of Tulsa's largest.

"They were mistreated, but they praised God," he said. "I was talking about living a lifestyle of praise, through every situation. This (attack) was like an illustrated sermon."

"This attack was unrelated to the sermon," stated super know-it-all Memphis Steve. "Psycho Asshole didn't even listen to the sermon. He just came looking for an easy victim to sucker-punch on TV."

Daugherty said he returned to the stage following the attack, not knowing that his face was smeared with (his own) blood.

He also offered prayers.

"We immediately forgave the man and acknowledged that he didn't realize what he was doing," Daugherty said. "We prayed that God would help him."

How Daugherty concluded that the violent asshole didn't realize what he was doing is unknown, but seems to indicate that the preacher may be psychic.

"To conclude that Jackass didn't know what he was doing is to absolve him of any and all personal responsibility," Memphis blogger Steve said. "I don't think it is at all biblical as it would mean the man committed no sin. It's a way of avoiding conflict through self-deception. Jesus and his disciples never lied to themselves to avoid conflict. And the Apostle Paul most definitely never avoided conflict. This is almost cowardly, not Christian. The attacker will be free to do it again, and he will do it again. And as for praying for God to help the man, help him do what? Punch more preachers? I don't think God is going to go for that one, but I could be wrong."

Daugherty said he did not know his attacker and did not plan to press charges.

Police Sgt. Kim Presley said assault charges had not been filed and no report on the assault was on file.

"Well, what are we supposed to do," Kim said. "The guy thinks he's doing some kind of Christian act by letting the guy get away with it. I think he's misunderstanding the whole thing, but maybe that's just me."

However, Rogers remained in jail after being arrested Sunday on a bench warrant issued for failure to appear in court on a charge of violating a protective order.

Police said Rogers was cited Sunday for simple assault by a security guard at Victory who said he was struck while helping another guard control the situation, seemingly indicating that the assailant is not targeting preachers for being Christians and probably should be charged for all of these assaults.

Fifteen years ago, Rogers struck Richard Roberts, son of evangelist Oral Roberts, while Roberts was rehearsing for his "Richard Roberts Live" television show, the Tulsa World reported Wednesday. Roberts did not file charges. Only God knows why.

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10 More

I know I already stole this idea from Stacy the Peanut Queen once before, but apparently I had more to say.

List ten things you want to say to people you know but you never will, for whatever reason. Don't say who they are. Use each person only once:

1. I remember when you told us all about the day that you decided to become as evil and dishonest as they constantly accused you of being. I understood what you were claiming. They seemed to be betraying you, attacking you, punishing you for things you often didn't do. You were just a kid and they were your parents. But now you're a man and look at what you've made of your life. Don't you think it's time to change and make something worthwhile of yourself before your life is all over? Your best years are already past and you're still living like that angry little kid, still having to turn to them over and over again, still lying about everyone around you to make yourself look better. Still betraying everyone close to you. Still playing with drugs. Still a sociopath.
   
2. What you did to us was a crime. I'm glad you're dead, bitch.
   
3. If I had it to do over again I would screw your brains out. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. You were smokin' hot and I was a teenaged fool.
   
4. I don't mean this to be cruel, but did you ever think that you're a large part of the reason he turned out the way he is? You just basically castrated him day after day, year after year. I was there. I can't even remember a time when you didn't openly hate him and me both. But for God's sake, he was your son.
5. I'm not staring at you because I want to sleep with you. But I would love to photograph you. You have the most perfect lines. You're like a walking piece of art.
   
6. Why don't you get rid of those damned curtains and let the sunshine in?! As depressed as you get I will never understand why you keep it so dark in there.
7. I fully realize that I'm not the kind of man you're looking for. I respect you. I just hate the way you look at me sometimes. If I were to tell you what the guys you like so much say about you behind your back it would break your heart. Are you familiar with the term "stump trained"? I don't understand why, but you just seem to gravitate towards the wrong men. You pick guys who treat you like shit and use you for a trophy whore. I think you feel somewhere deep inside that you deserve to be treated that way. You're extremely beautiful, but you're 40 years old now. You need to face this. Look at where it led in your first marriage. How much more will you bleed before you deal with what's wrong inside your head?
   
8. You're evil and if I ever got the chance I would kill you.
9. Are you just retarded or do you park like that on purpose?
10. Your daughter looks just like the woman across the street. And her daughter looks a lot like you. This always confuses the hell out of me.
    

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Coffee Rules

Who decided that the orange handled coffee pot is always decaf? Is this some international law or something? Is it from truck stops? Does anyone besides me remember that old TV series "Alice" about Mel's Diner, which was a truck stop?

Remember that waitress who would say "Kiss my grits" and then the stupid laugh track would cue? I think they even sold T-shirts with her face and that phrase on them. Good Lord, the things people will watch and pay good money for a piece of. It boggles my mind. Or as Christina Applegate once said while playing Kelly Bundy, "the mind wobbles."

So, I'm drinking genuine Colombian coffee, non-decaf because decaf is for addicts and wimps, and I need to poop. But first I have to finish my donut. Someone brought donuts for casual Friday. Isn't that nice? Coffee and a donut and a poop, that's how I start my day now.

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Las Vegas Philosophy

The above photo has nothing to do with anything. I just thought it was interesting. The stock market is killing me. I'm thinking about becoming a bank robber and giving up on all this emerging market, diversified portfolio, hedge fund, gold futures, dividend paying chaos. Just think of the excitement! And the payoff is almost always guaranteed to be better than most stocks. I mean, unless the bank you rob is completely empty for some strange reason.

Oh I know, but don't worry about me. I'm not like those idiots in L.A. who wore all the right body armor except for the headgear. I'll have the whole kit and kaboodle, complete with AK47 and lots and lots of Kevlar. And I won't try to make my illustrious getaway in an old Oldsmobile Cutlass 4 cyclinder like they did. I'll have something much faster and more durable than that, just in case I need to ram my way past the cops, like a Hummer or a Bronco.

Yeah, I've got this all planned out. First I rob banks to raise millions of dollars. Then I go to the Bahamas and live like a pimp for the rest of my life.

So, who wants to be one of my many, many ho bitches? I promise free gold and diamond jewelry to the first 10 hotties who sign on. How can you resist?

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The Dam

This is an actual letter (emailed to me by fellow Memphis blogger, Doo Dah) sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. The man's response is excellent, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.


SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.

A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws,
annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.



Here is the response sent back by Mr. DeVries:



Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.

I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers,
or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania
Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is
proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources
(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are
going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump their debris!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

Thank you,

Ryan DeVries and the Dam Beavers

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Yeah Right - Part III

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Duke Rape Crock?

Thursday, June 8, 2006
2nd Dancer: Rape Allegations a 'Crock'

DURHAM, N.C. (AP) - The second stripper at a Duke University lacrosse team party told police early in the investigation that she had been with a woman most of the night who accused team members of raping her and that the charges were a ``crock,'' according to a court filing Thursday.

The statement by Kim Roberts is cited in a filing by lawyers for Reade Seligmann, 20, of Essex Falls, N.J., one of three team members charged with rape in the case.

According to a March 20 statement written by Durham Police Investigator Benjamin Himan that is attached to the filing, Roberts ``stated that she heard that (the accuser) was sexually assaulted, which she stated is a 'crock' and she stated that she was with her the whole time until she left.''

The defense lawyers argue that prosecutors ignored and omitted that statement when they got court permission in March to obtain photographs and DNA samples from team members.

In an April interview with the Associated Press, Roberts said she initially doubted the accuser's story but had changed her mind.

``I was not in the bathroom when it happened, so I can't say a rape occurred - and I never will,'' Roberts said. But she addded, ``In all honesty, I think they're guilty.''

The accuser has told police she was dragged into a bathroom and raped, beaten and choked for a half hour.

Seligmann and two other players - Dave Evans, 23, of Bethesda, Md., and Collin Finnerty, 19, of Garden City, N.Y. - have been charged with first degree rape, sexual offense and kidnapping in the case.

Curiouser and curiouser

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Dear Mom and Dad, College Is Awesome!

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Muslim Sex Doll - shamelessly stolen joke

Muslim sex dolls

A man walks into a sex shop and tells the woman behind the counter he’s looking for an inflatable doll.

The woman asks, “Would you like a Christian or a Muslim doll?”

Confused, the man says “What’s the difference?”

“Well” replies the woman, “the Muslim one blows itself up”.

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PHARMACOLOGY

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. Announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.


Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

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First Day Of New Job

Well, it appears the blogger is in hell today. I can't get in to save my life. But then I remembered this little option, the email it in option. So that's what I'm doing.

All I wanted to say is that today is the first day at my new job. No more of the Big "All Our Mortgages Are In Default" Alabama Bank which Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac need to audit before they merge with AmSouth and blend their bad mortgages with AmSouth's (presumably) good mortgages in an effort to hide just how bad they really are running the place. They had apparently hoped to hide the huge amount of bad mortgage loans they have when they merged with Union Planters, but as it turned out Union Planters hadn't been making the slightest effort to bring in any mortgages. So there weren't enough good mortgages to sweep them under. It was like trying to hide King Kong in a Ford Focus.

So anyway, wish me luck. And I hope you have a good day too. I still have to call another company whose low offer I had reluctantly and verbally accepted and tell them I'm retracting and not coming. I'm not looking forward to that.

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6-6-6

"Woe to you, Oh Earth and Sea ..."

I was just going to write about how today is 06-06-06, but then Julia Stiles came on TV and I stopped to watch.

Julia is the star of the movie, "The Omen", which is about the devil being born as a child and coming into the world as the human embodiment of evil. The movie has an interesting history, and is apparently following its' history proudly in the remake.

When the original film was made the elites in the entertainment industry and in New York had embraced a rabid antiChrist religion which they called "social activism" and used to excuse all sorts of violent terrorist acts, including a bombing of the Pentagon and several other government buildings in the early 1970s as well as numerous vicious murders and robberies. Today the religion is the same, but now they prefer to call themselves "progressives".

Their belief is that they are intellectually "progressive" while all non-believers are, of course, regressive and inferior (i.e. damned to hell by virtue of their ignorance and unbelief in the one intellectually superior faith.)

Julia started off talking about her film and how she thought it had a great message, a message which she says attacks Christianity. She discussed a scene in which the character of her husband accuses a priest of using "religious fundamentalism" to excuse murders (as Christians typically do according to Julia.) Julia was especially proud of this scene for it's attack on the priest, and symbolically the entire Christian Church. It was the scene she talked about more than any other even though she herself is apparently not in it.

She then proceeded to brag on and on about how she grew up in New York City a "progressive" who frequently and religiously involves herself in all sorts of fundamentalist revivals and crusades for "social justice" and the evangelism of the lost souls of non-progressives through movies and media events.

She was so proud of her mission work that it seemed to escape her notice that she is, in fact, a religious fundamentalist, a fanatic who assumes by faith that she is right.

I've seen several interviews with Julia, but this was the first one in which I have heard her go off on this religious tirade, beaming with obvious pride in her holiness and virtue even as she expressed strong feelings that the film, "The Omen", was important for it's subtle message (that Christianity is evil.)

I suppose it's entirely appropriate that her interview was aired on 06-06-06, just after midnight Eastern time. Julia says she doesn't believe in God or the devil or evil or "whatever you want to call it." She says she's not religious, but she feels her divine messages are somehow extraordinarily important and must be heard by the masses. She doesn't seem to comprehend what exactly religion is, or that she is herself highly religious and in fact evangelical about her faith. She is the perfect cult member, a believer who does not even know that she is a believer and who does not think to question her teachers.

Julia said she grew up attending New York City schools and that all her teachers helped to instill this faith in her by basically shoving it down the students throats every single day during the many years that she attended school.

And here we all thought the Supreme Court-created "separation of Church and State" made such blatant religious indoctrination in schools impossible and illegal. I guess we were wrong. Oops. There's a new state church in town.

I myself grew up in church, in various Southern Baptist churches mostly. I've gone to some very large, very corrupted churches and I've watched all sorts of games and tricks being played on the believers, the followers, the elect, or whatever you choose to call yourself when you are a member. I've seen this so many times before and I'm pretty sure that I know what I'm looking at.

Julia, bless her heart, appears to be clueless. Other than that, she seems likable enough, even if not particularly charismatic. She's really perfect for the role they've cast her in.

I always find it extremely ironic whenever the religious fundamentalist progressives do this, spreading their religious faith all over the TV or the movie screen, all the while denying that it is a religious faith and attacking others for having their own differing faiths. They seem to do it a lot. In fact, sometimes it seems as if it's all they ever do, aside from spreading hatred of Christians, white males, and the United States. They can be quite fanatical about it when they're not busy evangelizing the kids in the public schools and college classrooms. And they sure are intolerant.

I guess it's mostly the arrogance that annoys me. It's the "holier-than-thou" coupled with the "this-is-not-a-religion-because-religion-is-dumb" that catches my attention. And above all else it's the screaming hypocrisy. No matter which religion does it, even the ones that deny being a religion, it's always annoying. No matter what a person's beliefs are, if they're honest they have to admit that hypocrisy just rubs the wrong way. But that's the catch, isn't it, the "if they're honest" part?


Sister Julia "Che Guevara" Stiles

* You can comment on this if you like. Or you can skip it. Either way is fine. I don't have a grudge against Julia and I'm not feeling overly political or religious as I write this. But it's on my mind as I've just seen her interview on PBS. It sure as hell wasn't what I had intended to write, but "The Omen" does open today. So at least it's timely and vaguely topical.

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Marriage Counseling 101 - What Not To Do

Fresh from the shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts were too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically came up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then everyday take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?", I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years", my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts bigger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he said, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

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