This is Blue Cross Blue Shield.
Your nightmare is about to begin
Oh my God. I thought my morning was bad enough, what with my truck still being broken and having to take it back to the shop for the 4th time in in a row, my legs feeling like they're going to break off after running yesterday, and all the system problems I'm having at work. But no, all of that was nothing compared to trying to reach one intelligent person at Blue Cross Blue Shield.
I started off on their website. I just wanted to email them to ask for a HIPA letter, which proves I have had insurance coverage prior to moving to my new employer and obtaining insurance through them. The website was completely unhelpful, but I found their phone number. So I called.
They have a voice recognition system that asks you to say everything and then their computer is supposed to recognize your responses.
"Are you a doctor, a dentist, a hospital, or a customer?"
"Customer"
"I did not understand that."
"CUSTOMER"
"Did you say "dentist"?"
"NO, you idiot! CUSTOMER!"
"I did not understand that."
I began pressing the '0' on my phone to try to get a human being.
"I did not understand that."
"OPERATOR!"
"I did not understand that."
"You are a fucking moron!"
"I did not understand that. Please wait while I get customer service."
"Geez, it's about time."
"Hello? Can I have your tax id number please?"
"Sure, it's 123-45-6789"
"Are you a hospital?"
"No, I'm a customer."
"Oh, you need to call a different number. I only help hospitals. The number you need is 1-800-517-6425."
"Thanks." CLICK
At the new number I went through the exact same scenario. First the voice recognition software, which has a different woman's voice every time, but always a woman, and never knows what I'm saying unless I yell, which seems oddly to be encouraging people to learn to yell at women more often. Then they put me through to customer service. And customer service says "Oh, this is the wrong number for you. You need to call a different number. Call 1-205-220-2100."
"Thanks." CLICK
New number, but same exact shit. First the voice recognition bitch, me yelling my information, then they put me through to customer service, and customer service says "Oh, this is the wrong number for you. You need to call a different number. Call 1-800-292-8868."
OK, you see the pattern here, right? Yeah, so at 1-800-292-8868 I get the same shit and another new number, 1-888-850-3276. I call this number. I go through the computer bitch faster as I learn how to short-circuit her programming and get to a person as quickly as possible. I get Julie.
Julie takes about 5 seconds to pull up my file, confirm my info, and agree to send out the needed documentation. All done.
Damn, that was a pain in the ass! But thank God for Julie.
You need what?
OK, done.
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