I can't shake this dark funk I'm in. After work a bunch of coworkers got together at a local sports bar to hang out and have fun. A high level Executive VP is leaving for another bank and we were getting together to wish her a fairwell (and beg her to take us with her.)
I went, too, and shot pool. I used to shoot pool pretty well while slightly buzzed, but apparently I don't anymore.
My Very Attractive Female Coworker came, too. She did not say anything much to me and seemed unenthused at seeing me in general. That is no surprise. I am probably nothing like the sort of man she is looking for (she is single) and don't have anything that she might want. That's just the way it is and I can't do much about that. But it did nothing to help me off of this dark slide I'm on.
After a few drinks My Coworker mentioned that My Current Team Lead offered him the Team Lead spot in the event that My Current Team Lead gets promoted. This also did nothing to help relieve my funk. My Coworker has made it clear many times that he has no interest whatever in management. And I have made it clear that I will take the job.
But I don't smoke and I don't live in Cordova, where My Former Team Lead, My Current Team Lead, My Coworker, and several other coworkers all live within a few blocks of each other and all hang out together. So I am out. I'm pretty much going to have to leave the group or leave the company altogether. That's just all there is to it.
As I said before, I shot a lousy game of pool. Then again, I haven't shot pool in several years and I haven't shot pool drunk in even longer, so I do have a valid excuse. It's just that excuses don't fix anything.
After a few hours, the group started breaking up. Some people mentioned going down towards Beale Street and hitting Club 152. I have never been to Club 152 so I don't know much about the place, except that the women like to go dance there. I've posted zillions of surveys here, with more than one mentioning my inability to dance worth a crap. Even when drunk I dance horribly, like a white man with two broken legs and an arthritic back. Whenever I'm on the dance floor attempting to dance I feel the cartilage in my knee, which has been operated on twice. It does not feel good. In fact, it feels as if I'm tearing it up, which scares the shit out of me, especially since the first surgery almost killed me due to a medical error and my resulting 'crash' coming out of surgery.
Other people mentioned going to the Memphis Ballet. Memphis is a 'blues' town so the Ballet in Memphis is not quite Swan Lake, if you know what I mean. Sure, it involves athletic young women dancing up on a stage of sorts, but the stage has a shiny silver pole and the women sometimes hang upside down from it while topless. Anyway, some of the guys indicated they might go there. Sometimes, when everyone goes together, the women make them go to Club 152 and dance, and then they all go together to the Memphis Ballet to give money to help support the arts and get a thrill.
If I could dance I'd probably go with them regardless of which destination they were planning to go to. And I probably should have stuck around to hear the final plan anyway. But the dark funk was getting me and I knew I'd probably be a drag to be around the rest of the night. Even worse, I might get too drunk and start blabbing about being down, which would just royally ruin everyone else's good time and assure that they'd never invite me to anything again.
Also, My Wife had come along. She had said she didn't care if I went to the Ballet, although I'm not sure if she really meant that. But when My Attractive Female Coworker showed up My Wife started asking me lots of questions about who she was, when I worked with her, and how well I knew her.
I worked with her very briefly on a large project. I had been told that she would be the Project Manager for the Business side and I would be the Project Manager for the IT side. But as it happened she never was officially assigned to the project. And I had no experience in project management whatever, so My Boss had been counting on her helping me to get started. At one point I simply went to her and asked for some tips and pointers. She was extremely nice and took her own time to come help set up meetings and get me going. She began working on the project with me even though she wasn't assigned to it and had other work to do. I have tremendous respect for her.
Even though I don't think she likes me much at all I never said she wasn't a nice person. She is very nice and works very hard and deserves better than she's likely to find in Memphis. If I could do anything to help her out I certainly would.
But clearly My Wife was much more nervous about the idea of me going off with the group to do anything, whether it be dancing or ballet, with My Attractive Female Coworker along, especially since My Wife would not be present.
You see, My Wife had to go home. She has to get up extra early tomorrow and could not stay out. So I would be going it alone. I already felt pretty sure that the idea of me going with the guys to throw one dollar bills at beautiful naked dancing girls did not thrill her, and I would likely be catching hell later on no matter what she said beforehand. But once My Attractive Female Coworker showed up I got a strong feeling that everything had changed. It was now NOT OK for me to go, and I had damned well better figure it out for myself because she wasn't going to say it in front of everyone.
So, trying to be a decent husband and being in a dark mood already, I went ahead and went home with My Wife. All the way home I kept thinking about the fun I was missing. All the way home I kept trying to figure a way out of the dark funk. All the way home I kept thinking about how my truck sounded like the engine was clicking louder than I had ever heard and perhaps it was low on oil. As I pulled into my driveway, my wife pulling in beside me, I noticed in the glare of her headlights smoke pouring out from under my hood.
Oh freakin' hell.
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