TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
DISNEY CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
Both of them are gay.
You market them as funny, quirky, harmless gay cows.
The gay cows movie doesn't do well in theaters.
But you make a fortune on video rentals and sales.
Then you rerelease the bad cow movie in DVD and make another fortune.
You announce gay cow day at your theme parks. Families boycott and you lose money, but you keep doing it anyway. You don't care what the public thinks because most of your money comes from rereleasing old movies that were made long before most of the people running Disney today were even born and the toys associated with those movies.
You are rich, fat, and gay.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Some college professors start encouraging your cows to rise up and overthrow the bonds of cowhood.
The cows become cowminists.
They refuse to produce milk or calves.
They sue for species discrimination.
They sue the bulls for sexual harassment.
They produce nothing.
They steal all the corporate profits with lawsuits over accusations of slights and invisible barriers to their success that only they can see.
The bulls run off.
The Federal Government orders that cows be put in charge of the corporation.
Several cows form the National Organization for Cows and begin suing other corporations.
They make a lot of money.
They lobby the government to pass the Violence Against Cows Act, which provides cowminists with an annual budget of $10 billion and creates special courts that prosecute bulls for claims that they abuse cows.
The bulls are always found guilty.
The cowminists use the rest of the money to spread cowminism throughtout the world.
Soon there is a global milk and calf shortage.
No one can figure out why.
Politicians make speeches declaring that the world simply doesn't need milk or calves because we can clone our cows, eliminate bad old bulls and drink Pepsi.
Pepsi gets caught in a scandal alleging they've been bribing members of the U.S. Congress.
Pepsi denies everything and sends Britney Spears to testify for them.
The Chinese take over the world.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You refuse to milk them for fear that you might be accused of exploiting them.
You drink wine and get caught in figure skating scandals.
Your corporation is a joke.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have 2 cows.
An American movie producer pays you a fortune for them because Americans think Australian cows are dreamy and have nice butts.
You both get rich.
You buy other cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows and nowhere to graze them.
You invent synthetic milk and sell it to milk-starved Americans.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they can run at 100 miles per hour and race them in the Olympics, but you lose to the Russians.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You threaten to break their legs unless they pay you for protection.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You launch them into space.
They orbit the Earth for a month.
Then the Americans try to outdo you by launching three cows into space for two months.
The American space cows become part of a highly successful reality TV program.
Your space station crashes.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have goats.
None of this concerns you.
A INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You claim that one of them has six arms and the head of an elephant.
No one will milk it.
You build a shrine and sacrifice potatoes to it.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You train them to handle complex military weaponry.
You watch the Americans and wait.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Someone hits one of them with a rock.
Soon you are engaged in a small war with the cows across the street.
No one has time for milking.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They are attracted to each other.
You get nothing from them.
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