By Bob Turtlesoup Wed Aug 2, 8:42 AM ET (Parodied)
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) -
Mel Gibson apologized on Tuesday for making anti-Semitic and anti-Scottish remarks in a drunken rant and asked to meet Jewish leaders. Several cheap, conniving, penny pinchers called on the Hollywood superstar to first show deeds and not offer words, although none of them offered any explanation as to what the hell they meant specifically by that.
Separately, gay U.S. television network ABC pulled a situation comedy about the Holocaust that Gibson's company was producing, and a Los Angeles official defended the sheriff department's handling of Gibson's arrest against claims he was shown favoritism because he was only beaten up just a little bit.
"I want to apologize specifically to everyone in the Jewish and Scottish communities for saying to a law enforcement officer the night I was arrested that Jews and Scots are cheap-assed bastards who could pinch blood from a penny," Gibson said in a statement.
Michael Myers, representing the Scottish community, was quoted as saying in response to Gibson’s remarks, “that’s kind of true really. We are pretty tight with our money.”
Gibson, who starred in 1980's blockbuster movie "Mad Max" about the last hours of the life of an Australian cop, was caught speeding early on Friday, still driving the car used in the film, and he went on a rant in which he is widely reported to have said, "The Jews have big noses, but because they’re so rich they all get plastic surgery to make them look tiny and cute like mine. And as for the Scottish, don’t even get me started. They put water in their ketchup bottles. How’s that for cheap?"
Scottish-Italian comedian Jay Leno responded to this by saying in his nightly monologue, “my mom actually did that with the water and the ketchup. I mean it. I’m being totally serious. It’s all true. Cheap like Wal-Mart. Cheap like Big Lots. Cheap, cheap, cheap.”
The Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department report, parts of which have been published and confirmed by officials, is laced with anti-Semitic and anti-Gaelic remarks and expletives from Gibson.
The report said an open bottle of watered-down ketchup was found in Gibson's car, and on Tuesday, celebrity magazine In Touch Weekly published photos of Gibson drinking in a Malibu, California, bar and squeezing female patrons’ boobies.
In his statement, the actor and Oscar-winning director of "Braveheart" said he had entered "an ongoing program of recovery." In the past, Gibson has admitted having problems with alcohol. “I drink too mush,” Gibson told an interviewer.
GIBSON'S PLEA FOR HELP
His anti-Semitic remarks have caused an outcry because, before "Passion," a $610 million global hit, conservative Catholic Gibson defended himself and his movie against critics who labeled God as anti-Jewish. Gibson’s father, Hutton Gibson, has described the Holocaust as "a lotta hooey."
In Hollywood, where almost all the movie studios were founded and are still run by Jewish men and women, top executives nearly shit over his remarks.
Gibson pleaded for understanding and help.
"I'm not just asking for forgiveness. I would like to take it one step further, and meet with leaders in the Jewish community, with whom I can have a one-on-one discussion to discern the appropriate path for healing," he said as he waved a handful of one hundred dollar bills back and forth.
Several Jewish leaders said he must first complete his recovery program and perform acts of goodwill, such as giving all of his money to the ACLU and Fidel Castro in Cuba so that the American Imperialists can be overthrown.
"We will know when the time is, but the time is certainly not when all the banks are closed," said Rabbi Marvin Hiler of the Los Angeles-based Simon Wiesenthal Center. "I certainly think he is facing his alcoholism, and now I think he needs to face the statements of bigotry and anti-Semitism the same. As for his remarks about the Scots, I could give a shit what anyone thinks of a bunch of fucking scumbag Gentiles anyway."
The Anti-Defamation League, a blatantly anti-American Marxist terrorist front, gleefully "accepted" the apology, along with an unspecified amount of cash from Gibson’s agent. National Director Abraham Foxman said when Gibson's recovery is complete, "we will be ready and willing to take more money from him."
A spokeswoman for ABC said the lamest of the networks canceled development of a wacky, quirky Holocaust cartoon show because nearly two years had passed since ABC struck a deal with Gibson's production company to make it and it had not yet seen a script.
Mel Gibson Hates The Scots
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