It's Fuck You Friday and today's big Fuck You is dedicated to my email inbox and all the headlines in the news that are just pissing me off.
I could care less. All these people emailing me telling me I should be upset are just pissing me off. I don't care. Honestly, I really don't. Call your own fucking Congressman. Mine are gay.
Really? You just now figured that out? Bully for you and your fabulous think tank. Is there anyone else in the whole fucking world who did not know this? And just who are you planning to run, Buck Owens? I see no one standing in line. Where the fuck is Ross Perot? Maybe Jesse fucking Ventura will run for you? Pull your head out of your ass and stop emailing me with this shit!
Mmm hmm, and many believe they've been anally probed by aliens from another planet, too. And that the sheep are winking at them. And that cow tipping is ... well, actually it is pretty fun. Anyway. clearly it was a slow day in the world if this is a headline. Clearly, oh so clearly.
So John Mark Karr's brother says he didn't kill JonBenet? That's great. I think most of us are inclined to agree, if only on the basis of this turd being such a total pussy that in all likelihood a 6-year-old girl could easily kick his ass. Obviously the guy is a nut without a candy-coated shell. But even so, there is some DNA lying around somewhere and if we can just get the results of that comparison maybe it'll help clear the air a bit? In the meantime, I expect the police and DA's office are both mighty anxious for someone, anyone, to beat the living shit out of over this horrific fiasco. So, since your brother has quite foolishly volunteered, I say let's Rodney King his ass.
Yeah, I call 'bullshit'. What you really mean is, donations are down and there is an election coming. "How many of us work for CNN? Yeah, let's interview ourselves and 'raise consciousness' about our need for attention and money. Buffy, where's your camera?"
Why the hell are they suddenly picking on poor Pluto? Leave the thing alone! You called it a planet and by God you're going to stick by your decision! Otherwise I'm going to knock baseballs through your living room windows and call it a meteor shower. Fuck you indecisive dweebs. Now all my old books are wrong. You fuckers can't even land a damned probe on Mars without crashing it like a drunk fat bitch in a Dodge Ram pickup who just dropped her cell phone at 70 mph. Yeah, you suck and fuck you.
What is with the perpetual fascination with "first female" this and "first black" that? Who was the first female to get her ass superglued to a public toilet, that's what I'd like to know? Who was the first black female lesbian to try crack and become the original "crack ho"? Who was the first white male to grovel like a weasel and say "yeah, all men are pigs" because he thought it would get him in the good graces of his misandric mother to be a pathetic kiss-ass? Is the fact that this woman is going to be a space tourist not good enough to warrant a headline and news story all by itself? Is it only of interest because she's a woman? Talk about demeaning and sexist motivations from a news editor. That's the same as saying that if she were a man this would be no accomplishment at all. But since she's not we'll hold here to a lower standard. How lovely. I'm sure everyone at the country club thinks this is very "progressive" and enlightened. As for me, I think it's very revealing in a much different way.
I'm sorry, what? Why? Is there a shortage of decent chefs over there? Do our fighting men need fashion advice? Did someone steal the Pink Panther diamond again? WTF?
I'm sorry. When I first read this I thought it say "panty raid." It was SO much more interesting that way, too.
Yes, we are all quite aware. The fanaticism associated with the push for this pill is making everyone's ears bleed. The actual customer demand for it isn't especially high according to the pharmacists who already stock it, but to hear the "advocates" talk you'd think there was a desperate need. If abortions are so safe and wonderful then why is this pill so important? Sorry, no deep political argument here. I'm just stream-of-consciousness typing. As I said before, I don't give a shit. Hand them out for Halloween if you think it'll save the world's souls from the evils of babies. I just think the extreme shrillness of the fight over this is either unjustifiably high, or else someone politically connected has some big-assed money on the line.
Um, is that the biggest problem facing New Orleans right now? Seriously? Are you sure?
Now THAT's funny!
That's interesting. If I get assigned a Blackberry by my job can I sue for my blogging addiction? Suddenly the song "I'm in the money" is bouncing around in my big, fat head.
And a very special great big FUCK YOU goes out to:
I've been trying to leave a simple, one sentence comment on Binsk's famous blog for the past 30 fucking minutes and it just won't let me! It's been like this all fucking day long. Good freakin' God, won't someone fix the damned thing?!
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