(Send this to your sisters, your girlfriends, any woman you care about!)
1. Always be on the lookout for serial killers
2. Serial killers love to hang out in the parking lots at WalMart just sitting in their cars all day long.
3. Try not to be friends with any serial killers.
4. Never invite a serial killer over to watch E.R. or Oprah with you.
5. It is especially important for women to avoid serial killers who have killed more than 5 people because being victim number 6 is unlucky.
6. If you are going to your car and you see a male in the passenger seat of the car next to yours you should assume that he is a serial killer. Shoot him and then speed away. This is legal in most states.
7. All men are serial killers. You can never be too paranoid.
8. Be afraid of anyone who looks at you funny at any time and in any place. Even women are sometimes accomplices (not their fault) of serial killers.
9. There is no such thing as having too many weapons in your purse.
10. Even if you accidently kill innocent people were turn out to not be serial killers, that's OK. The police will understand and you won't be arrested.
11. Sometimes close friends and even family turn out to be serial killers. Never trust them.
12. Your husband is probably a serial killer and you just don't know it.
13. Many women kill their husbands while they are sleeping and they don't usually go to jail for it. Just something to think about.
14. Even though you've tried hard to raise your sons right they are probably going to be serial killers anyway. It's not your fault. Never trust them. You might consider killing them in their sleep just to be on the safe side.
15. Some women have been known to kill everyone in their house just to be on the safe side. This may sound extreme, but it works.
16. Some women have been known to go out hunting and killing men. Even though the FBI refers to these women as serial killers, it is far more likely that they were just trying to keep themselves safe from serial killers by being proactive. Charlize Theron did a great movie about this.
17. When you shoot a serial killer always remember to empty your gun into him. Use every last bullet before you stop shooting. Also, you may want to shoot anyone else who is around. They are probably accomplices. Don't worry if you have to stop and reload. Just shoot anyone you see until you run out of ammunition. This will help keep you safe.
18. All serial killers are men. Women who kill are just retaliating for years of abuse. You'll understand better what I mean when their stories are told on Lifetime or discussed on The View.
19. Sometimes I hear voices and I can't tell where they're coming from.
20. A hat formed from aluminum foil can help protect a woman from serial killers who try to read your mind or project words into your head.
21. My cat is the reencarnation of Cleopatra.
22. There are ghosts in my car so I never drive it anymore.
23. Never wear wool socks on a Thursday. This is a sign to rapists and serial killers that you are a willing victim.
24. If you cut off a man's penis it will grow into a new man and try to rape you. You have to destroy it completely to stop this from happening.
25. The ghost of Jack the Ripper once stole my mail. I saw him, but he got away.
26. AOL is conspiring to keep women off the internet. Never use AOL!
27. Men's Health is actually a monthly magazine that teaches men how to be rapists and serial killers. It doesn't produce an issue in October because this is the month of All Hallow's Eve.
28. Women should only have sex with other women because this keeps us pure and safe from evil men.
29. There is a pizza place right near Yale University that is run entirely by women. All the women who go there are a lot like me. They are always looking for evil men and driving them away. It is a safe place.
30. George Bush has a rape room in the White House and the Secret Service bring him women and then dispose of the bodies when he's done.
31. I have run out of my medicine and can't get more for another week.
32. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
This is an example of a potential serial killer
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