Soooooooooo, that's how it's gonna be, eh? It's not Hillary versus Giuliani. It's not Hillary versus Jeb Bush, as many predicted back in the days when people talked about conspiracies among the Bush family and shit. It's not even Hillary versus Condaleeza Rice.
No, it's McCain versus Obama (who?)
It's Biden versus Palin (who?)
So, no matter what happens we have a historic first. Both presidential candidates chose women as their vice presidents.
Some among the older feminist set are complaining that Palin isn't qualified to break the mythical "glass ceiling." But the fact is, this is politics we're talking about. Anyone here remember Eva Peron? Have you ever paid any attention at all to the banana republics south of Texas where women are routinely elected as supreme dictator solely based on A) having been married to the previous dictator and B) having a really nice pair of hooters? Seriously, this shit happens all the time. Welcome to the real world. Nothing is as it seems.
So let's talk about it.
Popeye
John McCain - here's a man destined to make nobody happy. He's not a conservative. Some say he's not really even a Republican. He's liberal, but not leftist enough for the left. He's just a man who looks a helluva lot like Popeye the Sailor and is really, really old. He's also prone to poor decisions regarding the Constitution and legislation, so the Libertarians aren't fond of him either. But he was once a prisoner of war, so that makes him a good soldier. Much like breaking an ankle makes a man a great soccer player. Go figure.
Che
Barack Obama - here's the New Kid in Town. Nobody knows anything about him much, just as they knew nothing about Bill Clinton many years ago. So of course we all project as many fabulous qualities onto him as we possibly can. After all, he's younger and shinier than his opponent and if history has taught us nothing else, it has taught us that younger and shinier wins most of the time. Forget all that mess about him having spent his entire adult life willingly attending a racist church that preaches black supremacy and kill whitey straight from the pulpit - he has a sweet smile! That's what matters most come election day.
Sarah "not so plain or tall" Palin - She's the best-looking candidate of the whole group. She's shinier than Obama even. Plus, she's got breasts and a vagina, which according to the 'experts' of both political camps today, is the only thing that matters. Ah, but scandal looms in the distance. She has a 17-year-old white daughter who is pregnant and unmarried, just like Jamie Lynn Spears. Gracious, Aunt Bee, the whole durn town is a'talkin' 'bout it! But the fact is, we no longer live in the era of secret abortions and 'what would the neighbors think'. We're living in an age when many, many white high school girls are getting pregnant and having babies without the slightest hint of giving a shit what anyone thinks. Welcome to the post-Clinton age. This is how it is now and many of those pregnant high school girls attend their local churches. The 'Religious Right' doesn't care half as much as the 'sacriReligious Left' thinks they do. In fact, they hardly notice it anymore. The Left's leaders are carefully poking this one with a stick, trying to decide if it's a bomb that might blow up in their faces. If they push it, they are clearly hypocrites. And if the Public truly doesn't care about the pregnancy then they end up with afterbirth all over their faces. The problem is, the only other issue they have so far to smear Palin with is her lack of experience. And if there's one thing the Obama camp does NOT want to talk about, it's lack of experience. On the other hand, Obama's crew has certainly proven their willingness and ability to viciously attack a woman. Just ask Hillary.
Joseph "Mary" Biden - He's the man that sponsored the original Violence Against Women Act, the one the Supreme Court said was so unconstitutional that they had to toss it straight into the trash. He's the man of which infamous misandric feminist Violence Against Women Act author Catherine MacKinnon laughed and said "the idiot didn't even read it before he signed it!" Josie likes to claim he's a man's man by virtue of having played professional basketball back in the days when short Jewish men dominated the league and black people weren't allowed to vote. He used to brag that he was a bipartisan champion because he enjoyed rounds of circle-jerk with Joseph Lieberman and John McCain. He no longer likes to discuss this, though, as the current situation makes it an "inconvenient truth". Joe once bragged in a speech to the National Organization for Womyn that he grew up with sisters who beat the shit out of him on a regular basis, but because he was always such a sensitive new age puss, he "never lifted a finger" in his own defense. Of course, Josie grew up an age before sexual assault and castration via attacking boys' balls was taught to every girl in America and encouraged on every TV show and Disney film as often as possible. It's doubtful that Josie could have survived such a passive childhood in modern times without experiencing an involuntary sex-change. Then again, he could have at least qualified to play in the WNBA.
So there it is. Not much to get excited about if you ask me. New Kid in Town versus Old Popeye the Sailor Man. Tall ugly girl versus short former beauty queen. It's a popularity contest without much substance. Well, unless you enjoy waxing poetic about global warming. But even the PC science professors are starting to abandon that one. There really isn't much else to discuss beyond Iraq, and people are pretty bored with that one, too.
So, with all this in mind, and with every channel either replaying the Democratic National Convention or picking apart the Republican National Convention, it looks like I'll be watching a lot of Hannah Montana for awhile. Maybe I'll join the pervs and create a countdown calendar for when she turns 18.
Counting the days
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