I've been tagged by everyone's favorite elderly nude exotic dancer, Prunella, with the question "If you were left alone on a deserted island, which celebrity would you choose to spend time with?"
I'm following her lead (copying her straight up) and listing several for me to choose from before making my final selection.
Here are my choices:
1) Jessica Biel - blazing hottie, star of numerous films in which her hotness is featured.
PROS: She's smokin' hot, which would make it easy for passing ships, planes, and the occassional spy satellite to spot us. Men have a deep-seeded instinct at the very center of our brains that makes it possible for us to spot a hot bod like hers even from 30,000 feet up. I swear it's true. Men have been known to get into trouble while entering the "Mile High Club" because as they were getting their freak on, they happened to glance out the window of the plane and spot some other righteous hottie far, far down below. Women can sense this instantly and of course respond by getting pissed off. "Is she prettier than me?"
Another pro, the perpetual erection she would inspire in me could be useful as a mast for a sail should we decide to build a raft.
CONS: She's in such amazing shape and martial arts trained that it would be nearly impossible to molest her without cracking her over the head with a coconut first. I'm just not into that.
2) Survivorman - man whose real name I do not even know. This is not some British fag pretender who runs around with a camera crew, sound man, and director while he pretends to be in danger. This lunatic carries his own camera and fights his own battles. He has no one to help him and lives entirely by his wits and extensive knowledge.
PROS: He can get me off the fucking island as fast as possible. In the meantime, he can find food and make a fire while I sit on the beach and dream of Jessica Biel while polishing my mast.
CONS: He sometimes gets lost in the jungle with no fire and no food, cursing himself and saying "I shouldn't have gone into the jungle." Yeah, life is tough when you don't have a script. Or matches. I'll be forced to stay on the beach if he decides to go off into there ever again. I saw that episode and he didn't appear to be having much fun.
3) Kristy Swanson - she's the 'real' Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the '80s original, from the days when almost everyone's boobs were real and the fake ones were obvious. I first saw her and fell in drool way back when she did a horrible movie called "Highway to Hell." Yeah, I liked the car featured in the film so I watched it, but then I saw her and forgot about the stupid car. Ah hormones, they burned the image of her bulging breasts into my ... I mean, I fell in love with her smile right away.
PROS: if we encounter any vampires on the island, she can totally kick their asses. Also, if for any reason we aren't able to ever get off the island, I won't even care.
CONS: There are no condoms on a deserted island and I'm totally going for it. Also, there is no morphine or urologists, which I might be needing if I am unable to convince her to share my enthusiasm.
4) Kat Von D - she was a tattoo artist on the show Miami Ink, but she had a bitch-out with another woman and left the show. So now she's in LA with her own tattoo place and her own show. Yeah, she can't kill vampires and she probably doesn't know how to build a raft or a fire or anything. In fact, she's probably not going to be terribly useful for anything even remotely survival-related.
PROS: Oh come on, if ANYONE is going to eventually give it up to me, it's going to be a twenty-something girl, covered in tattoos, stuck with me on a deserted island. She might even initiate it, who knows? I'll bet she can't go 5 days without it.
CONS: There are no cigarettes, tequila, or other harder substances on a deserted island, so you know at some point she's going to go batshit crazy with all the withdrawl.
5) Buckbeak - he's the flying hippogriffe from "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."
PROS: How hard is this one? He can freakin' FLY, dumbass! All you have to do is bow and wait for him to bow back and then you can climb on and fly away home. Bye bye island! Once you've made it home you could sell him for a small fortune.
CONS: He likes to eat polecats, and I'm not entirely sure you can find any on a deserted island. So what does he eat if he gets hungry? People? Also, he tore up Draco Malfoy for insulting him. Clearly he's got anger issues and needs therapy. And the ride home would probably leave me with a sore ass and a lot of allergy problems.
OK, so now I have to make my final decision. Me and one celebrity, all alone on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean. So many factors to consider. Such a hard choice. Whom shall I choose?
Is it 'who' or 'whom'? And does the question mark go inside or outside the quote mark? I can never remember.
Alright, so now I have to choose. For my final choice, for my final decision, I choose ...
her.
I have no idea who she is, but I'm sure she's famous whereever she goes. After I finish molesting her body, which could take months, I'll float home on her boobies, smiling, tanned, and satisfied. Ah, life is good!
And now for the truly fun part. I get to tag 5 other bloggers to do this very same meme. Since Prunella already tagged me (it was good for me, was it good for you) I can't tag her back. So that only leaves about 500 other people to choose from. Hmm, this is going to be hard. Let me think, I tag:
Dixie
Kami
The Kept Woman
Steph in Australia
Stacy the Peanut Queen
TiggerLane
Phain
And if I didn't tag you, it doesn't mean that I don't love you. It just means that I don't have any good photos of you sitting on a toilet or flipping the bird or whatever, so send me some photos of your boobies and next time I'll tag you instead. This means you Helen and McEwen and Liz and Moi and Rebecca and NSC and Poody and OneHung and Patti Cake and Bottle Blonde and Cathouse Teri and so many others. I'm tagging you, too, but you need to send me sexy photos for future tags. Yes you do! Well, except for NSC and OneHung, cause you guys are guys. But you're tagged anyway.
Now, get to it!
I'm following her lead (copying her straight up) and listing several for me to choose from before making my final selection.
Here are my choices:
1) Jessica Biel - blazing hottie, star of numerous films in which her hotness is featured.
PROS: She's smokin' hot, which would make it easy for passing ships, planes, and the occassional spy satellite to spot us. Men have a deep-seeded instinct at the very center of our brains that makes it possible for us to spot a hot bod like hers even from 30,000 feet up. I swear it's true. Men have been known to get into trouble while entering the "Mile High Club" because as they were getting their freak on, they happened to glance out the window of the plane and spot some other righteous hottie far, far down below. Women can sense this instantly and of course respond by getting pissed off. "Is she prettier than me?"
Another pro, the perpetual erection she would inspire in me could be useful as a mast for a sail should we decide to build a raft.
CONS: She's in such amazing shape and martial arts trained that it would be nearly impossible to molest her without cracking her over the head with a coconut first. I'm just not into that.
2) Survivorman - man whose real name I do not even know. This is not some British fag pretender who runs around with a camera crew, sound man, and director while he pretends to be in danger. This lunatic carries his own camera and fights his own battles. He has no one to help him and lives entirely by his wits and extensive knowledge.
PROS: He can get me off the fucking island as fast as possible. In the meantime, he can find food and make a fire while I sit on the beach and dream of Jessica Biel while polishing my mast.
CONS: He sometimes gets lost in the jungle with no fire and no food, cursing himself and saying "I shouldn't have gone into the jungle." Yeah, life is tough when you don't have a script. Or matches. I'll be forced to stay on the beach if he decides to go off into there ever again. I saw that episode and he didn't appear to be having much fun.
3) Kristy Swanson - she's the 'real' Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the '80s original, from the days when almost everyone's boobs were real and the fake ones were obvious. I first saw her and fell in drool way back when she did a horrible movie called "Highway to Hell." Yeah, I liked the car featured in the film so I watched it, but then I saw her and forgot about the stupid car. Ah hormones, they burned the image of her bulging breasts into my ... I mean, I fell in love with her smile right away.
PROS: if we encounter any vampires on the island, she can totally kick their asses. Also, if for any reason we aren't able to ever get off the island, I won't even care.
CONS: There are no condoms on a deserted island and I'm totally going for it. Also, there is no morphine or urologists, which I might be needing if I am unable to convince her to share my enthusiasm.
4) Kat Von D - she was a tattoo artist on the show Miami Ink, but she had a bitch-out with another woman and left the show. So now she's in LA with her own tattoo place and her own show. Yeah, she can't kill vampires and she probably doesn't know how to build a raft or a fire or anything. In fact, she's probably not going to be terribly useful for anything even remotely survival-related.
PROS: Oh come on, if ANYONE is going to eventually give it up to me, it's going to be a twenty-something girl, covered in tattoos, stuck with me on a deserted island. She might even initiate it, who knows? I'll bet she can't go 5 days without it.
CONS: There are no cigarettes, tequila, or other harder substances on a deserted island, so you know at some point she's going to go batshit crazy with all the withdrawl.
5) Buckbeak - he's the flying hippogriffe from "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."
PROS: How hard is this one? He can freakin' FLY, dumbass! All you have to do is bow and wait for him to bow back and then you can climb on and fly away home. Bye bye island! Once you've made it home you could sell him for a small fortune.
CONS: He likes to eat polecats, and I'm not entirely sure you can find any on a deserted island. So what does he eat if he gets hungry? People? Also, he tore up Draco Malfoy for insulting him. Clearly he's got anger issues and needs therapy. And the ride home would probably leave me with a sore ass and a lot of allergy problems.
OK, so now I have to make my final decision. Me and one celebrity, all alone on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean. So many factors to consider. Such a hard choice. Whom shall I choose?
Is it 'who' or 'whom'? And does the question mark go inside or outside the quote mark? I can never remember.
Alright, so now I have to choose. For my final choice, for my final decision, I choose ...
her.
I have no idea who she is, but I'm sure she's famous whereever she goes. After I finish molesting her body, which could take months, I'll float home on her boobies, smiling, tanned, and satisfied. Ah, life is good!
And now for the truly fun part. I get to tag 5 other bloggers to do this very same meme. Since Prunella already tagged me (it was good for me, was it good for you) I can't tag her back. So that only leaves about 500 other people to choose from. Hmm, this is going to be hard. Let me think, I tag:
Dixie
Kami
The Kept Woman
Steph in Australia
Stacy the Peanut Queen
TiggerLane
Phain
And if I didn't tag you, it doesn't mean that I don't love you. It just means that I don't have any good photos of you sitting on a toilet or flipping the bird or whatever, so send me some photos of your boobies and next time I'll tag you instead. This means you Helen and McEwen and Liz and Moi and Rebecca and NSC and Poody and OneHung and Patti Cake and Bottle Blonde and Cathouse Teri and so many others. I'm tagging you, too, but you need to send me sexy photos for future tags. Yes you do! Well, except for NSC and OneHung, cause you guys are guys. But you're tagged anyway.
Now, get to it!
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