It's another Fuck You Friday.
These may not be the top stories, but they're the top stories that I felt interested enough in to comment on.
And now, the news:
OK, once again people who come by are not seeing new posts unless they hit "Refresh" on their browsers. So they come, they look, they see nothing new even though it is here, and they leave. I only know this because I just went over to The Kept Woman's blog for the 10th time in a row only to find nothing new since Tuesday, just like has been happening all week. But then I, being a genius, thought to hit "Refresh" and lo and behold, a whole week's worth of blog posts magically appeared. This is a big problem. This is a problem for everyone because it keeps people from even seeing what you've written even though they are at your blog and trying to find it. Fuck the Blogger and not just because it's Friday.
U.N. says most members lack domestic violence laws
Actually, what it says is that most nations lack laws promoting the view that any time a woman, even a vicious, violent, psychotic woman, is involved in any sort of dispute with a male it is entirely the male’s fault in every single case and he should be arrested and ruined in the courts where he is presumed guilty in all circumstances and imprisoned, even if he is the victim.
Commuters facing longer, lonelier rides
Not me, bi/otches! Ten minutes and I’m there. No more forty five minute long drive through Crazy Cordova to work for a cheap-assed bank that misallocates money for loans and generally has a perpetual party in the offices of the upper management while the workers slave away for lousy pay.
Brother of Saddam prosecutor is killed
Why can’t someone kill the brother of the Duke University prosecutor? Surely that would make more sense. Sometimes I wish we were meaner here in America. We just take so much shit and never do anything about it. Now watch something happen to that asshole’s brother and the FBI, ever anxious to arrest a white male between 20 and 40, comes and serves a no-knock, SWAT invasion, murder-the-suspect’s-entire-family warrant on me. So please, leave his brother alone. Assuming he has a brother. But do whatever you want with him.
Heavy rain hits Texas, floods roadways
Isn’t that pretty much standard for every Spring and Fall in Texas? I heard it was a bi-annual event in the Dallas area so why is it news this time?
China inspects North Korean cargo
The fox is inspecting the chickens. “Looks good to me. I don’t see any Korean ICBMs. No, the missiles I see are all Chinese, tee hee.”
Next U.N. head willing to go to North Korea for talks
“Will you please stop waving nukes around and threatening to kill everyone in the West?”
“No.”
“Well Okay, then.”
That’s how the UN usually deals with terror. They’re so fabulous, like a car with no wheels.
Breast reconstruction not as safe for obese women
That's because it is so often confused with knee surgery. Think about it.
College women more weight-conscious than men
College men are VERY weight concious. They carefully inspect every college woman they see for the right weight as well as height, hair-color, breast size, buttocks firmness, and theoretical attainability.
Court rejects scout group's appeal v. Berkeley
That’s because there are billionaires behind the attacks on the Scouts, and even the Supremes can be intimidated or purchased. George Soros was no Boy Scout, but he was an authentic Hitler Youth. His money is almost certainly all mixed up in this.
Feds promote donation of umbilical cords
You can have mine. I’m not using it anymore. Can I get a tax-break?
Artillery round melted for scrap kills two
Hmm, high explosive, a big fire, and predictable results. Who didn’t know you can’t melt down a live artillery round without first blowing your ass up? Honest to God, anyone that stupid should not be allowed to walk around without supervision.
Teenager jailed for murdering schoolboy
This “teenager” tried to sexually molest a handicapped boy and then killed him to prevent the boy from telling anyone that the teenaged killer was gay. The victim had cystic fibrosis and could hardly put up a fight. I don’t think simply jailing him is good enough in this case. And where are the cries of "hate crime" since the handicapped boy was killed for NOT being gay?
Bush seeks to block enemies from space
Anyone working in or around the aerospace or defense industry knows that this is the next big battleground. China is already moving hard and fast. The old Soviet Union was, too, but they had a minor setback when their checks bounced. Doh! Now they have a bad credit rating. But they could still qualify for a mortgage loan at the Big Alabama Bank I worked for 'cause they don't even care.
Prosecutors: Man plotted ex-wife's murder, but botched shooting left her a quadriplegic
Supposedly this guy hired four hitmen to kill his ex-wife as they were locked in a vicious custody-battle courtesy or our beloved divorce industry. He was being forced to pay her $3000 per month in child support, so apparently the judge felt that she ‘needed’ to live in a mansion with a BMW. Four hitmen and yet somehow they still fucked it all up. So she’s now alive and paralyzed while the father goes to jail for life. I think in cases like this the lawyers and judges involved should be required to assume custody of the children and raise them at their own expense. I’m pretty sure if we started doing this in all custody battles the whole child-support/slave-trade industry would suddenly find it deep within its’ dark Satanic heart to implement necessary reforms. Otherwise, the nightmare will certainly continue. Oh, incidentally all four of the hitmen, including the actual shooter, received total immunity in exchange for their testimony. Isn’t that lovely? There’s “social justice” for you.
Potential jurors in Cape Cod murder trial probed for racist views
“Do you hate the White Man?”
“Yes.”
“OK, you’re OK then.”
No white males need even bother to show up for this jury duty. Wait and see. There won’t be a single one selected.
Rice says U.S. ready to defend Japan
How ironic is this? Rice defends Japan? That's like saying "pizza defends Italy" or "refried beans defends Mexico." Anyway, we’re going to defend them by sending several giant robots over in case Godzilla shows up. We’re all out of men right now, but the giant robots should do the trick, as long as they weren’t made by GM or Ford.
Suicide note leads to dismembered body
Hmm, that’s some fancy suicide right there.
Troops to face courts-martial on charges
Hmm, we never court martial anyone anymore, so the fact that we are now can only mean one thing: there are wo/men involved and men accused. And that means guilty or not, these men are screwed.
UPDATE - WaMu profit down 9 pct, cut 5,200 jobs in quarter
Oh looky looky! Remember WaMu? I blogged about them for White Male Wednesday, which I then totally forgot about after that and never did another one. They’re the company using bigoted images in their TV commercials of the evil white males being led around in their underwear by the superior black male banker who treats them like a pack of rabid dogs while he smirks a lot. I feel so bad for WaMu losing all that money. No I don't. You want to lay odds that the vast majority of 5200 workers they cut are white males? Yeah, I didn’t think so. When CEOs confuse “social activism” or “social justice” with good business it’s time to sell your stock and run like hell, ‘cause that shit is about to go down like Traci Lords on John Holmes’ 14 inches of glory.
Pardon me while I pause for a moment to think about Traci Lords .....
Female space tourist hopes for return
They just can’t stop talking about he/r. Apparently someone left he/r up there and now s/he’s hoping someone comes back up to take he/r home again. That’s gotta suck.
“Hey, wait a minute. Where are you going? You can’t leave me up here!”
McCain jokes about suicide if Democrats win Senate
The Secret Service is on it’s way right now to arrest him for threatening the life of a U.S. Senator. I wonder if he’ll testify against himself?
Marijuana-like compound may fight Alzheimer's
Suddenly I can’t remember where I left my keys. And if necessary, I can forget a whole lot of other shit, too.
Sex offender Joseph Duncan pleads guilty to killing three in deal with prosecutors
Shouldn’t he be referred to as “Triple Murderer Joseph Duncan” at this point? I mean, let’s get a little perspective here.
Gay police group's "anti-Christian" ad rapped
The ad claimed Christians are to blame for a “rise in violence” against homosexuals. The claim has two large problems. First, there hasn’t been a rise in violence against homosexuals. But since the government began tracking it and gave it a budget, well, we all know how that works. The second problem is that if someone is screaming hate in your face and smashing you over the head with a lead pipe you can be relatively certain that, while they may very well be a Muslim or a Marxist, they sure as hell aren’t a Christian. And if they are a Muslim then you aren’t allowed to criticize their jihad because our government’s official position is that we don’t want to do anything to risk making Muslims angry. We'll just blame a white male instead. Oh wait, now I see where they got the idea for the ads!
Man allegedly fires crossbow at motorist
This man clearly has been watching way too many reruns of the Dukes of Hazzard. While I can appreciate the lure of Daisy Duke in her short shorts, when you begin actually trying to use a bow to shoot cars you should turn off your TV and seek counseling.
Thieves steal New York Mayor's car
Welcome to the post-Giuliani New York, Mr. Bloomberg. How’s that workin’ for ya?
Bill Clinton preaches politics of "common good"
Karl Marx couldn’t have said it better. But the Bill of Rights says politicians are to do what the voters say, not what is in their opinion for the “common good.” Too bad none of our nation’s politicians or judges have bothered to read the Bill of Rights or the Constitution. It would sure help clear up a lot of confusion.
Hard times for wildlife in Zimbabwe
Welcome to the realities of “social justice.” When evil wins, everyone loses. No one did anything to stop Mugabe from mass murdering the people of Zimbabwe and destroying everything in sight because a) he's black, b) he was mostly killing white male Europeans at first, and c) he's a Marxist, which makes it OK for him to commit mass murder. Apparently all of our university professors, feminists, and federal judges are Marxists, too, and they say he can mass murder if he wants. So there you have it. It's all good.
Obesity may be linked to sleeping times
All those late nights I’ve spent IMing with you are making me fat. It’s all your fault, really.
Fla. boater stabbed in chest by stingray
Wow, two people killed in the same way by stingrays. According to feminist standards this would qualify as an “epidemic of violence” by stingrays. Two people is an epidemic if billions of dollars and your very own branch in the Department of Justice is on the line, no matter what the truth is. Marine biologists, who apparently have no political agenda, say that this is actually a very rare occurrence, but who listens to them? I’ll bet the United Nations has a new global treaty on the table right now mandating that all member nations discriminate against stingrays and oppress them as much as possible. But don’t worry. It’s for the “common good.”
Gun crime falls but rowdiness fears rise
What’s a “gun crime” exactly? Do guns run around robbing people or something? I was under the impression that it was people who did this and sometimes they used guns as a part of it. Are we so pathetic now that we blame the inanimate object for the crime committed by a person? I remember reading in the Bible about a ritual the Jews had of taking a goat and placing their hands on it and blaming it for all their sins. Then they’d drive it out of the city. This is where the term “scape goat” comes from. Today we round up guns and throw them into our already polluted rivers while politicians brag that they are doing this to fight crime. It’s the same thing. That goat didn’t commit your sins and neither did your gun.
'Earl' star Jamie Pressly gets engaged
She’s mine, dammit!
'Anatomy' star T.R. Knight says he's gay
That’s not surprising. The only other white male doctor is Jewish and thus not feared or hated by the Network PC Bitches. I knew there had to be a reason they let this one lone white boy in and didn’t have him be the janitor or a villian.
Report: N. Korea 'sorry' for nuke test
This bastard is getting advice from China and the Clintons (same thing). You do whatever you want to, and then you say “oops, so sorry. I won’t do it again.” And then you do it again when nothing happens.
Couple held in slain social worker case
There’s a lot of money to be made in Federal matching dollars for taking people’s children away, so the incentive is high. And when the incentive is high the corruption levels of course go way up. And of course poor people make the easiest targets. But sometimes when people are pushed too hard and have nothing left to lose they just kill you. Oops, we so sorry. We no do it again.
Scientists create cloak of invisibility
Forget the cloak. I want that one ring to rule them all, the Ring of Power!
Tenn. inmate's execution stayed
His shoe was untied so a judge called “time out.”
Husband indicted in van suicide
His wife committed suicide by driving off a cliff with their kids, so naturally it’s The Man’s fault and he must pay. He must pay for all women everywhere who ever drove their kids off a cliff or into a lake and killed them all because when one woman kills herself all women everywhere are victims, too, and together we can find a man to blame for it all. Sista’s , doin’ it for theyselves! Unite!
Experts: Some women perform well in math
Really?! And here we all thought that all women were totally stupid and incapable of doing math! What a revelation!
Scientists: Ozone hole size sets record
I am Cornholio! I need TP for my ozone hole!
Gays hope ally becomes first black Mass. governor
Bill Clinton is running for governor of Massachusetts?
Austrian removes 'sexist' urinals
So let me get this straight, in ivy league colleges like Cornell, the fe/male supremacist bi/otches are being authorized by the schools to use student funds taken from student fees to put signs in the urinals accusing all males of being rapists, blatantly insulting their entire sex for sexist reasons, but if a man who owns a private bar puts urinals shaped like a human mouth, which has no specific sex despite the lipstick, then the brown shirts in Austria’s Department of Wo/men’s Affairs, of which disturbingly enough there is no corresponding Department of Men’s Affairs, can use political pressure and legal threats to force this man to remove toilets that s/he doesn’t like from his bathroom? What was s/he doing in the men’s bathroom in the first place?
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