We are under a heat advisory. And the lawn is unhappy about that. It's a full moon every night and the cats are turning into werewolves. And I, I had weird dreams last night.
I was running.
I have no idea where I was. It was just some neighborhood that I've never seen before. And I apparently lived there. I was out jogging. Behind me were some police. They were jogging too. Jogging along behind me, running after me, only not, if you know what I mean.
You know how when you're out running and someone is behind you it makes you feel tense, like you need to outrun them? Yeah, well, I was running at a good pace and slowly pulling away from them.
Ahead of me were some military people. A trainer and a man and a woman, and they were Army. He was yelling at them and they were all running along.
And I was catching them.
I caught up with them as we all ran up onto a sidewalk next to some building, probably a school. The trainer stopped and was having them do pushups. Just then he started to cough. I stopped for some reason and he turned to me and started to ask me about joining the Army.
"You're in pretty good shape," he said, in between coughing.
Just then he laid down on the sidewalk because he was coughing so hard and couldn't catch his breath. Then he started to cough up pieces of his lungs.
I said to him, "You need to see a doctor. This is not good."
"No," cough cough "I'll be alright," he said. "This happens all the time."
Finally he got up on his feet again, holding pieces of his lungs in his outstretched hands.
And then I woke up.
It was time to get up so I got out of bed. When I stood up I noticed that my ankle hurt. It hurt a lot. And I had to limp around the house all morning. It still hurts now. As if I'd been running. Which I haven't.
WTF?
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This morning as I pulled into the parking lot and parked my wee little truck I heard a sound behind me. It sounded like a car running over a big piece of plywood. I knew I hadn't seen anything lying in the parking lot behind me so I turned to look at what the heck had made that sound.
A black woman had nailed the living crap out of a parked car. I have no idea what she was doing. Maybe her hand slipped off the steering wheel as she parked? I'm just guessing. But she nailed this parked car in the rear driver's side fender and bumper and then just sat there for the longest time. Maybe she was on the phone? I couldn't see well, but it appeared that she was.
We are under a heat advisory and an ozone alert today. Gas is $2.69 for 89 Octane regular. Our utility bill is sky high and thanks to the lack of rain, so is our water bill. But at least it's Friday. And I'm not coughing up bits of my lungs. And I haven't T-boned anyone in the parking lot.
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go poop
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