Tag!
Fact 1 - I once had an orgasm so hard that I shot the ceiling. Needless to say, it was a long time ago.
Fact 2 - When I was a teenager the only beer I could get my hands on tasted like piss, so I learned to funnel just to make it easier to get drunk without having to taste the nasty cheap beer.
Fact 3 - Being a master of funneling beer came in handy when pledging a fraternity in college. Who knew it would turn out to be such an important skill?
Fact 4 - My dad used to show me The Playboy Channel on TV because he said he wanted me to be comfortable around sexy beautiful women and not be nervous. I suppose the idea of simply taking me somewhere that sexy beautiful women hung out and letting me talk to them in person never crossed his mind. Dad was always heavily into the theoretical and not so much into the practical application side of things.
Fact 5 - When I was a kid I used to ride nearby motocross trails on my bicycle. When I was older I got a motorcycle and rode those same trails. I had much worse wrecks on my bicycle than I ever did on my motorcycle. But out on the street, it's been just the opposite. Apparently asphalt hurts more and more the faster you go.
Fact 6 - I once punted a guy's face while in a fight after he tried to kick me in the balls. You'd think that you'd already be as mad as you could possibly get if you're in the middle of a fight, but apparently that isn't necessarily so. Sexual assault has a way of finding a whole new level of anger in a person. His face gushed blood like a fucking slasher movie and I was glad. He also instantly lost all interest in continuing with the fight. Sometimes two big old handfuls of your own blood will change your perspective. Hmm, I wonder if I could make that into a snappy slogan and put it on a T-shirt?
Fact 7 - My father was as cheap a man as ever lived. He wouldn't take one of his kids to the hospital for anything, especially if it was me. Consquently, I had a number of hospital-worthy injuries treated with some weird attempts at first aid. Vaseline, duct tape, and Vodka were my dad's solution to almost everything. Did I mention I have mad skills with a funnel?
I suppose now I'm supposed to tag people? OK, let's see who I can torment with this.
I tag:
Spiky Zora Jones - because she's mad at me and won't even talk to me now, let alone accept this tag. But I like her anyway because I'm a fucking doormat.
Steph of Australia - because I heard a rumor that she's pregnant. I mean, I heard a rumor that she's back on The Blog again and I'm hoping to guilt her into making the rumor come true.
Kylie of Elegantly Wasted (aka Bad Kylie) - because she's never even visited my blog, let alone accepted a tag from me. Also, I've been living on her couch playing XBox while she hid in the bathroom for the past week or so and this is my way of saying 'thanks'.
Stacy the Peanut Queen - because she's my bestie bloggie buddy and I know she's done this one as many times as I have, so it should be as hard for her at this point as it was for me.
Fingers - because he'll never accept the tag, but if he does, God only knows what he'll come up with.
Unique Stephen - because he's had an exciting and interesting life and I'm sure he could come up with 100 times as many interesting things as this tag requires.
Kylie (aka Good Kylie) - because she's always being confused with bad Kylie and has been a really good sport about it. And also she visits my blog and might actually do this tag.
And now for something much more entertaining than my life ...
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