Answer the following questions with the first thought that comes to mind. Then read which each answer means.
1.You are not alone. You are walking in the woods with someone. Who is it?
Kate Beckinsale and she's dressed in black leather and latex.
2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?
A squirrel.
3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
He looks at me, then runs out into the street in search of my tires so he can throw himself underneath one. Why do they always do this?!
4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe it?
Big two-story ranch house with big front porch. The woman who lives there with me loves me and we have a family.
5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
No, wide open grass with trees along back of property.
6. You enter the house. You walk in to the dining room and see the dining room table. Whats on it?
Nothing
7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
coffee cup and I know I didn't leave it there. Wife must have used it in the garden. Dammit, we have a trowel!
8. What do you do with the cup?
Take it in the house and wash it.
9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What kind of body of water is it?
There is no body of water on my property. Are you forcing me to have one? Fine. It's a lake.
10. How will you cross the water?
A fishing boat filled with 14 other people who are drunk and shooting fireworks. The boat sinks and the DA wants to prosecute someone. Honestly, I don't want to cross it. I have my house and my property. Why would I leave it?
STOP HERE. Don't continue reading until you have your answers.
Ready? OK. Start reading again.
Here's what it all means:
1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life.
She'll be thrilled to hear that.
2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.
Well geez, unless you live in Montana it isn't all that likely that you're going to encounter anything much larger than a squirrel. Not around here anyway. I would have answered Grizzly bear if I'd been thinking along these lines.
3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.
I watch them run out in the road and get run over?
4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.
It's a nice sized house, but I don't think it's big enough to do the job. Somebody please pray for me.
5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced.
I love people. Especially women-type people. But basically anyone who is decent and friendly is welcomed.
6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.
Perhaps. Or perhaps I am simply unimaginative.
7. The durability of the material which the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.
It is glass, like a coffee cup. How durable is that? Anyway, it's microwavable. So that should count for something I should think.
8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude.
Eh? What? I don't understand this at all.
9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.
Bwa ha! Once they forced me to have water, I pictured it huge. How ironic. How frustrating.
10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.
Um, what? So what does that mean? If I swam it then I consider my sex life to be supremely important, but because I got in a boat, which sank, by the way, that means I don't consider it important? Or do I get bonus points for the sinking part? I guess I should, 'cause that means I had to swim eventually. And with 14 other people even. Hmm.
* OK, so she may not consider it sufficient payment for me to have sex with her. I realize this, but as this is my blog I thought I'd just pretend.
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