1. When you pee, by all means, pee on the seat. And never, ever bother to flush. Let the world smell your fabulous odor. Consider yourself generous for sharing it with everyone.
2. When you walk, especially down narrow hallways in crowded areas, swing your arms out wide. Take up as much space as you can. Walk down the center, as if the hallway belongs to you and no one else is around. Feel free to slap people with your swinging arms as you pass, just to let them know that this is all yours and they are lucky that you even let them use it. Never move over or pull anything in when you see someone coming the other way. 'Cause it's all about you.
3. Talk on your cellphone as often as possible, especially while in a crowded space and at work. Talk nice and loud. Tell the whole world about your gonorrhea and illegitimate baby 'cause they all need to know. It don't matter what you say, Beyatch, just so long as you shout it out loud and proud.
4. Don’t ever swing a door any wider than you need for you to fit through. If someone is coming through the door behind you, just let it slap that bitch in the face. Only a pussy would swing it out any wider so that the old lady behind them can come through, too. It’s all about you. It’s ALWAYS about you.
5. When you park your fabulous cool ride don’t you worry none about them long white lines what everyone else tries to fit their car between. You just stick it in there any old way you feel like, know what I mean? And slap that bitch car next to yours when you open your door. Yeah, ‘cause it’s all about you and your fabulous hoopty.
6. If you ever get the chance to go into a cubical at work where someone is using a computer, first chance you get you poke your fat fingers all over that screen of theirs. Just poke it all over real good. Leave so many fingerprints that the FBI and the CSI will be confiscating that bitch if they ever need info on you.
7. If you got a nice round butt, you know what I mean, 4 times bigger than J Lo could ever be, you wear that there spandex nice and tight. Make it bright neon pink. And if your belly is as generous as your ass, wear a cut-off top to go with it. The world deserves to see more of you. Don’t be a greedy bitch. Let them have an eye full.
8. A loud and proud princess like you don’t need no baths. You smell like roses the more you sweat. Just let it go. Everyone will appreciate your beautiful odor.
9. Don’t you ever wash the coochie. Douches are for them tight-assed bitches who ain’t gettin’ none. There just ain’t no need for that. It’s supposed to stank like that. That’s how a proud beyatch aught to smell. Keepin’ it real!
10. When you got on them jeans, keep’em on the down low, right down around the knees. Show the world your fine ass crack. And always keep that L.A. Raiders cap at just the right angle, like that P. Diddy., turned off to the side, but not all the way to the side, ‘cause then it ain’t cool. It got’s ta look like you don’t even care how you wear it. And don’t you ever wash none o’ that shit. A good ‘n’ proper stank be keepin’ it from gettin' lifted, except’n by the nastiest Miffis ghetto skanks.
And don’t you ever forget – it’s all about you!
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