"Let's go jogging at the park," my lovely wife suggested. It was around 8:15 p.m. Tuesday night.
I, being Mr. Agreeable, said "OK." So I put on my running clothes and together we walked 2 miles to the park.
Have I mentioned that I hate This Little Redneck Town? Well, just in case I didn't let me say it now. I hate This Little Redneck Town. There are Southern towns with good old boys, and there are Southern towns with white trash that need to be thrown away as soon as possible. This Little Redneck Town has very few good old boys, and a great many trashy people of all colors. You can meet them at the park if you want to, especially late at night in July.
Once we arrived at the park we began jogging the 1 mile loop around. I generally run faster than my wife does, so I pulled ahead and ran on. It was 8:30 p.m. when we started and there was a storm in the distance creating some fascinating displays of lightning. It was hot and extremely humid considering how late at night it was, even for July. I had on my heart monitor and it was telling me that I was definitely going to die soon.
After running 3 miles I reversed direction and began walking backwards up the trail to rendezvous with my wife. I noticed as I was walking that it was very dark and no one else seemed to be around anywhere. After I had walked halfway around the loop I began to realize that my loving wife, the woman who wanted us to come here and run together in the first place, was gone.
"Surely she didn't finish running and just leave me here," I said out loud, seeing as I was apparently the only person around for miles.
Ah, but she did leave me. I walked the full mile around the park looking for her, thinking about the fact that it was now 9 o'clock and I had a meeting with several vice presidents first thing in the morning which I needed to be well-rested for. Not finding her anywhere, I walked the 2 miles home, with the usual white trash rednecks driving past in Ford pickups, honking and yelling obscenities just like always. Since I was up on the sidewalk they were unable to try to hit me with their trucks the way they do when I reach my neighborhood and have to walk alongside the road. I ignored them. Even if I couldn't understand what they were screaming it was no real concern. They'd most likely turn around and come yell it again since there was no one else out in the hot, humid, stormy night to yell at.
Well, no one except for this very attractive young woman in a small black sports bra who was running on the opposite side of the road from me. But they yell different things at women like her than they do at me, although they'll still try to run her down when she gets into the neighborhoods where there are no sidewalks.
I got home alive. My wife, who was there already, asked, "Why are you so mad?" Just then it began to rain. It rained hard, with booming thunder and blinding lightning. I had gotten home just in time.
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