Stress

fatchina
Work is crushing me today. I have no room to breathe. No time to write. I feel sick and really need to go home. I pooped a mountain in the bathroom first thing when I came in. I sat in the stall with the heat blowing on my head while my feet felt like frozen blocks of ice. I closed my eyes and instantly started to fade into a dream. Have you ever been awakened from a dream while on the toilet by a fat woman hurling her big butt onto the toilet opposite you, sending you sailing up into the air? Yeah, it's lovely fun, especially on a Friday like this. I think I must have continuously pooed in there for at least 30 minutes. Bootyshaker Steph would have been so proud. I don't know how that's even possible. I think I dropped 20 pounds of pure Peruvian poop into the toilet. Add the necessary toilet paper to clean up the after-effects of such a mess and you have a true plumbing challenge. But all went down well enough.

While I was in the stall a guy came in talking to himself. He must have stood in front of the mirror for a good 5 minutes having a big discussion with himself in that whispered, hushed voice that people do, and of course it echoed all around the walls creating a creepy effect. I have no idea what was so important that he needed to discuss it with his reflection in the men's room.

I have more work than I can do. And it just keeps on coming. I'm about to call a guy who wants me to work tonight so we can move one of my many applications to another machine. I haven't had time to make the first code change for this. And I've never done it or tested it so there is no telling if it will work. He wants to go right now. But I can't.

The test environment is not running correctly. Isn't that a kick in the pants? How can I verify production changes are OK if the test environment is fucked? How did it get fucked and how do I get it fixed? No one seems to know anything, but everyone is busy thrashing. Maybe it's just me? Maybe it's just the team I'm in? I honestly don't know.

My coworker, the only one here with me today, is stressed to her limit. I asked her a question, which I had asked a month ago and she had already answered. I am swamped. I forgot we did this. She was pissed. "I already told you ... " And she did, and I did what she had said, and it still isn't resolved.

Some people, you tell them something once and they've got it locked down. Let me tell you, that isn't me. Especially right now when the amount of responsibility that I currently have is more than I can handle. I start to lose things. I drop things. Things get buried under the mountains of notes and documents and diagrams and flow charts. I'm sorry, but when you move me to a smaller cube, and honest to God a cube is just a large cardboard box that you keep me in, it leaves me less room for all the work I have to do. So, less room to keep my shit organized, but more shit to keep up with results in dropped balls, lost information, forgotten deadlines, stress, mess, chaos, and people trying to get other people to work late on a Friday night. But I can't. Not this Friday night. I can't be here. I'm sorry. And I won't be at home so I can't do it from there, either. Otherwise I would.
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