aka: Ryan
From: "Ryan" (bod2bodrub@###.com)
To: nudememphis@yahoo.com
Subject: Naked Steve in Memphis
Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2007 08:44:27 -0500
Steve, I'm a nudist in Memphis. I'm wondering if you happen to know any house painters? I'm needing to get a bid. I hired a guy and he turned out to be terrible. I found him on Craigslist. Nice to meet someone like you who enjoys being nude like me,
I use ### messenger to chat, if you do. Also have a webcam. Not looking for sex.
Ryan
From: nudememphis@yahoo.com
To: "Ryan" bod2bodrub@###.com
Subject: Naked Steve in Memphis
Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2007 08:54:23 -0500
Ryan,
I'm relieved that you aren't looking for sex because, to be perfectly honest, you've caused my penis to retract into my abdomen with this email and I'm still waiting for it to come back out again. In addition, the pucker factor for this very unusual letter was a whopping 10. So now I can't pee or poop, and it's all from the images in my mind which you have put there.
I noted that you asked about painters, and I, being incredibly naive at times, was actually going to recommend the guys who painted my ceilings. But then I examined the search terms that led you quite unexpectedly to my blog and I see that what you are, in fact, wanting is a team of men to paint your house in the nude. I assume it's men you want, as you invited me to view you nude via your webcam after looking at my profile picture.
I'll be blunt, Doug. I don't know any nude painters, although I have known several painters with severe enough drug and alcohol problems that I have little doubt I could indeed find you someone high enough to take the job. I can't vouch for the quality of the work, as I tend not to hire addicts, but I suspect that the painting itself isn't what you're after. Correct me if I'm wrong. I don't mean to make assumptions here.
I am flattered by your offer to talk online with me while we are both nude, but I feel I must inform you that I am not actually a nudist and am not even the person in the picture on my profile. Don't feel bad. This misunderstanding isn't your fault. You are by no means the first person to mistakenly conclude that the photo of a naked man on a toilet by the roadside is a photo of me. Although I honestly don't think the guy in the photo is a nudist either. I think he's just a smartass, like me, and saw an opportunity to create a really funny photo. Given the chance, I would do the same, but only because it's funny.
Also, to be frank, the only nude video or images I have ever requested or even sometimes gleefully received during online chats came from women. But they were really hot women and I think they just enjoyed how ridiculously excited I became. Women seem to enjoy how easily they can excite a man, and I am a pretty excitable man. It's just that women are the only ones who can do it for me.
So anyway, I'm afraid you have mistaken me for someone else. I am not a nudist and I am strictly heterosexual. It's rare for anyone to ask to see my naked bits and pieces, so I am truly flattered. But even so, I only ever beg and plead for women to get nude in IM sessions, and they rarely do.
I'll tell you my secret, though - I don't yell, I don't tell, and I'm always grateful as hell, but in all of that I am straight. As such, I have no interest or desire to see naked men, either via webcam or otherwise. But thank you for the offer. And if I ever encounter any nude painters I will send them your way. And if you ever encounter any nude women, please send them my way.
Sincerely,
Not-Actually-Nude Memphis Steve
Ryan
Location Continent : North America
Country : United States
State : Tennessee
City : Memphis
Time of Visit Jun 22 2007 8:40:43 am
Last Page View Jun 22 2007 8:42:19 am
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As many of you know, I originally did not blog any of this. Instead, I forwarded the letter to some of you and simply said, "WTF?"
In response to my mass emailing, one of you replied not only to me, but to "Ryan" as well, entirely by accident. And now he's apparently emailing you. I only mention this because I think it's funny as hell.
AUGH!
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