Friday

It's Friday and I have little time. I've already spent too much time moving draft posts forward so I don't leave them behind and lose them. I'm suddenly getting floods of weird junk emails, like the Nigerian scam I posted today. I've got a ton of those from just this week alone.

The emails from nudists is a new one on me. I've never had those before. I wonder if Google pushed my name up higher in their search results for nudists or something? Ah well, if it leads to more people reading my blog then what do I care? Except for the weird emails.

If today goes smoothly, and nothing disasterous happens, then we will be moving from Redneckville to the Boondocks soon. It's ironic in a way, because suddenly there are a lot of teenagers in my neighborhood. I like teenagers. My wife thinks I'm crazy, but I think they're fun. I fully realize they can also be a nightmare, but these kids coming around lately aren't criminals like the Fireman's son and his friends seemed to be. I'd rather live surrounded by young happy healthy people than old people and no kids. I know there are some little kids in the neighborhood in Boondocks that we expect to be moving to, but I have no idea how old or young the homeowners are. Anyway, I hope we're happier there.

Oh, and happy day, I've just won the UK National Lottery again! My streak of good luck just keeps on coming!


Victoria Beckham and ... um .. the others
I've just eaten lunch at a cinderblock hole in the wall known as Gus's Fried Chicken. It's one of a few in the Memphis area. It has been brought to my attention that The Football Widow and Miss Memphis ate at the original Gus's some time last year, but they didn't invite me. I am so sad right now I could cry. Miss Memphis did not get up on stage and shake that butt-model bootay when I hung out with her and Mrs. Dallas K down on Beale Street earlier this month. What gives? Am I not good enough? Did I not buy you enough ... oh, wait, you bought my beer, not the other way around. Dammit, that's where I went wrong!

Must remember to always buy the women's drinks and make them STRONG.

What is with the new ad campaign for Secret deodorant? Am I the only one who has noticed this crap? For as long as I can remember, Secret's slogan was "Secret - strong enough for a man, but made for a woman." This was not shocking. It certainly wasn't in the slightest conceivable way demeaning to women. All it meant was that men sweat and stink more than women do, but that Secret could handle even that if needed.

Ah, but then the fanatical ideological female supremacists got involved. They felt that it didn't stroke the Female Ego well enough, and you know them feminists are all about the stroking of the Female Ego and all that.

So, to appease the Nazis, Secret changed it's slogan to "Secret - strong enough for a woman."

Yes, this indicating that women stink and need something to stop the stink. How lovely. All the ladies were positively thrilled. It went over like a load of bricks. And it didn't in any way indicate that women necessarily needed Secret for the stink, either.

So the PC geniuses at Secret went back to their pink drawing boards to try again. Now they have come up with a new masterpiece of pure ego stroking. "Secret - strong, like a woman."

So, what does all this mean exactly? First, they were saying effectively that men sweat and stink more than women do. And the ideological (religious) feminists took offense to this statement of fact. Oddly, any statement of obvious truth seems to offend these comfortably dressed, yet incredibly unattractive female persons.

So, they changed their slogan to simply say that women are sweaty and stinky and Secret can handle it. Ah, but not good enough, because sales did not exactly climb with this not-so-great, but very-PC slogan.

So, another attempt, and this one apparently has made the misandric bitches on Procter and Gamble's board of directors oh so happy. Basically, it says that Secret is really powerful, like women are (Except that supposedly they aren't, remember? Shhhh!) Women sweat and stink like men now. Yes, they do! And they are powerful and rich and beautiful and control everything and this is as it should be! PooYA! Buy our shit, you sweaty, stinky divas!

But still, they're talking about stinking. Women stink. That's the message coming from Secret. Women stink like giant, hairy men. And this is somehow a victory.

I swear, I am a better marketing person than 99% of the people who actually get paid for doing this. In fact, I know I am. These people are a bunch of 12-year-old morons. Secret should hire me. My slogan would be

Secret

Because No Woman Should Smell Like Ass
Yeah, you tell me, who has the better slogan, me or the marketing pinheads at Secret.

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